Thursday, December 16, 2010

more from me...

ok have some questions to answer and some thoughts to share and some splaining to do .... :)
1st... I decided to bake tonight... making cinnamon rolls.  rather time consuming endevor to start at 1120 pm but its all good I can blog while I wait on the bread to rise.

so to address some comments...
1.tonjia... I am not making sweet potato casserole for christmas LOL if she wants some with marshmellows she can make it. :)  as for her helping to put up the tree... oh the wars that have happened here over the years putting up a tree... it is not pretty.  She can come pick  one or more of the trees she and stephanie and I made over the years they are little made from coat hangars and oh so cute... lights and all.

2.JOJO... thank you... I am glad to know that you are here :)

3. tracy d. Thank you too you are a voice of calm reason who has been there done that got the stinkin t shirt... love ya.


5. Darling Debbie A... Thank you Call me anytime...and NO we are INSIDE... massive house cleaning coming when the weather breaks...

6. Bluebird... thank you, you are so correct this is my place but, when I hit the really dark times I feel badly dumping on all of you  and especially this season when I really need to be counting blessings.  you see I know the answer to my stress and pain...but sometimes turning it all over is so hard.   plus I made commitments to my child, my husband, my grand children and I don't take those lightly so some of my involvement is my own fault.  I can not just walk away or turn my back.... whoops slipped into a different comment but gonna leave it here will elaborate in a bit.

7.  MPMAMA  LOVE YOU TOO! lil sister and I were just talking about you... :) all good of course !

8. TSANNE   My confirm word happened to be "shedism" as in: Those of your friends that know and love you the very best had many many "SHEDISMs" to offer to you. Hmmm....I really like this ~Shedism~ one gal's support of another!    I really like this too!

9.  Flea... love you babe... but I can NOT lie in the bed all day... my bones wont let me do more than about 5 hours tops... then I have to get up a while then can go back later ususally for about another hour... maybe 2
artheritis lives in both my shoulders and I am thinking it is moving to my neck with the pain I have been having... and I eat tylenol like candy... I can not take NSAIDS or I so would... as for stepping back and letting them talk/ yell ect... thats pretty hard to do when the only reason Martha is allowed here is because of me... Michael barely speaks to her... and like I reminded her today.. he has disowned her.  as for Michael and Mike talking... wont happen... because I refuse to allow my husband to live out his life in jail for murder...He loves ME enough to allow me to help martha and in turn to some degree Mike  but believe me when I tell you he does NOT like it at all.

10. Grandma Tillie... see number 4 please... :) and... number 9. It is IMPOSSIBLE to allow them to Duke it out when Michael will not allow Mike to be here... and he has that right.  My husband told martha 3 YEARS before she decided to leave home and live where she is that HE WOULD NOT HAVE A DAUGHTER IF she chose that life style.  He told her many many times how he feels and why he feels that way and she CHOSE to defy him and his beliefs and NOW she must live with the consequenses of her decisions.

YES Jesus came lived and died and rose again for my peace and happiness and eternal Life... and I gladly accept that yet in the mean time I have to live and I HAVE PUT MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE... and I know it. 

I get squished at times and have to break out... and say what I think to them all... and today when martha texted me that she does not want to be with mike and that she ment it... I had a FLASH of HOPE.
2 hours later she killed it... when she said that she is giving him ONE LAST CHANCE...

again my question to you dear daughter... DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT HE IS GOING TO GROW UP AND CHANGE??   I don't but, AGAIN you must live with your decisions and in turn so does your daughter.

Then at 220 when she came over to get trash bags and bring baby things over to be washed and sorted... I wanted to have some time with her to talk to her to see what was going on and see if she was ready to really talk to me... then HE walked IN and it PISSED ME OFF TOTALLY and I could not contain myself... and said NO you cant just come here nothing has changed here ... blah blah blah... to which he said he was only here to help. as in carry heavy things... so I felt like a heel for 3 seconds.... then told him to get what they came for and go... then HE PISSED ME OFF IN A HUGE WAY.... by saying that my husband best not try to come to the hospital... blah blah... to which I spat out that he has nothing to worry about there... before I could engage my brain mouth filter... from there things got a bit ugly but not out of control. and they left and I wrote to keep from exploding.

I REFUSE to defend my husbands beliefs or feelings and I refuse to allow MARTHA AND MIKE to try to blame this shit on him as it is THEIR choices that have us in this place... but you see the LONG message I wrote to mike was a waste of my time as he has never gotten to see it because MARTHA chose not to show him.  So HE really has NO CLUE where I come from or where My husband comes from in our feelings.  All he thinks and believes is that Michael does not like him because he is black and thats not true.  and you ladies, and man that I know of that reads my blog,  just do NOT have a clue how close I came to JAIL time today when he spouted off about HIS BEING A MAN... OH MY GOD.... I have bruises on me from my table and proabably a few less hairs on my head as I grabbed my head and PULLED to keep from throwing him off my porch....

anyway I decided to bake tonight... have cinnamon buns rising in the oven...( duh told you all that earlier) its a bit chilly here in the house so have to create a warm place for them and Michaels work will love him tomorrow as one pan will go with him.   I would take pics but... I feel bad that I can't share with you all (sides that if you could JUST SMELL THEM) ...DROOL... so if you love cinnamon rolls and want some you will either have to come here or kidnapp me to your home to make them  :)

in talking to my sister tonight we decided that she will come here the week after christmas for THE WEEK... I am not sure which of us is more HAPPY :) 

oh yeah Debbie B... ys her name is pronounced HALO as in the thing above an angels head in pictures... middle names are Alaiah pronounced   A LAY AH  - Juliette... I prefer Alaiah  myself but, she will eventually show what she prefers...

trying to think of other questions I have missed answering... but for the moment I can't think of any.

Just finished making the butter cream cheese icing and OH dear... it smells so good... and the buns are a cooking... and the smells I am sort of surprised Michael has not gotten up to see what the heck I am doing LOL.

I keep hearing sleet on the roof .... and am not liking that will be solid ice in the morning I am afraid and that is just not good in the south... guess the good news is it is supposed to be above freezing by noon ... but raining...ok have hit babble time... so thank you all for commenting and I will hopefully have more positive than negative to write about.



Laura~peach~ said...

yes martha i see and realise i have a spelling error in her name... Juliet... sorry typing texting and cooking all at once at 130 am is not my best suit... thank you berry muchly.

lil sister said...

my. mouth. is. watering.

Paxie Panicker said...

Drool. I had to go to Dewey's (which is probably a local thing) and get Moravian sugar cake and sugar cookies yesterday. Yes, had to. I only ate 4 cookies last night but they will be gone soon!

I think I may get the tiny little tree up today. The big red boxes of stuff is getting on my nerves. I have no plans on decorating much. Everywhere I look there is stuff. David's mostly. He is consumed with work so is not concerned that he still has not put up a bed. I was trying to help...that didn't work out. Oh well.

The weather? Gah. Yuck. Gah.

Love ya! I'm just waiting for Halo :)

Tiggeriffic said...

Good Morning~!
One thing you have to understand with this guy your daughter thinks she loves IS when Christ is not evident in their lives these people have no idea that what they are doing is wrong.. they are selfish and only think of oneself.. I have a x-son in law that is a alcoholic and he thinks it's O.K.HE is in total denial. He used to do things to my daughter that were totally so straight from Satan. She finally saw this and left him and now she is divorced. Best thing to do is pray..actually put their picture in front of you and pray for that person.. It works.
Keep your eyes on Jesus..that is how we get through these things that hit us so hard in life.. God is our stronghold and he is the one that gives us the strength to give all our troubles to him ~ just pray for your daughter and her boyfriend.. God will do the work for you.. Blessed be the name of the Lord~!
ta ta for now from Iowa..4 inches of glorious snow and it's so beautiful outside. 18 degrees.

Tracy DeLuca said...

((HUGS)) That's all I can say. Stay strong, try to be at peace. Try to get some rest. And feel free to come to my house and make those rolls ANY time!!! Luv ya.

Chris H said...

*drooling* all the way down here is sunny (well, OK it's raining right now) New Zealand. lol

Chris H said...

P.S. Our eldest daughter married the most DREADFUL, MEAN, VILE man ever, after we told her over and over again not to... but kids will do whatever the hell they want at the end of the day. You just have to be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes to hell... and TRY NOT TO say "I told you so"!
I did say that actually... but it took me about 3 years!
MJ... wait for it!

Chris H said...

Oh I'm not nice. Maybe Mike and MJ will make a go of it... and it will all turn out perfectly well. But.... somehow I doubt it. Mike has already shown his true colours... does he not already have a child with someone else?
And what 'MAN' wants to be with a child of 17? AND to have a baby AGAIN! Pfffffft.

Bluebird49 said...

Thanks for taking the time to reply,Laura, to each of us. I know, if I had been in your situation, I would have done anything in my power to KEEP my relationship with my daughter as smoothly as I could, because I loved her so much---like you love Martha. I know Martha loves you, too---and she has carved out this life for herself now.

You all have to do this YOUR way. It's easy for me to say, "Oh--I wouldn't do this, or I would do that!" but until I walked in your shoes--I can't say what I'd do. We had two kids, and thankfully, for the most part, they stayed out of trouble. We were fortunate--because there, but for the grace of God go I! My daughter passed away in her sleep of an undetected heart problem 12 years ago. If I had her back, I can't imagine anything I wouldn't go through with her to have her here with us.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with the boyfriend. I know Michael doesn't plan to beat the hospital, but what does he think he could do to KEEP him out--unless he OWNS the hospital!?

Honestly, you have more patience than you think! Because--you love Martha--and Halo--and Michael! Maybe one day, miracle of miracles, Mike could do something to earn your respect. You've certainly done enough to earn his. Wish he'd realize it.

By the way--ship those "leftover" (ha!)buns to VA!!

marta said...

okay several discrepancies here--->most of which i will IGNORE in oreder to not cause bodily harm to myself or anyone else...
#2--->pronunciation is a bitch mom...UH LAY UH. lol not A LAY AH. and Juliett is correct :)(with two t's)
#3 i will say that in adverse to popular opinion-i do not feel i put myself in this situation...MY FATHER has CHOSEN to NEGLECT me. i have never, not one time NEGLECTED or DISOWNED him. i have been trying for the past year to GIVE him the TIME that EVERYONE says he NEEDS. his reasons consist of "I WAS RAISED THIS WAY" i have said many a time- it is not the nurture of it. it's the nature. it is not natural to hate because of color. and it is partially COLOR. nobody will EVER convince me of anything different.
MOM: i have told you so many times over the years how i feel about it. I WILL NOT CHANGE WHAT I BELIEVE. everyone is so set on ME BEING THE BAD GUY because i dont BELIEVE what DAD believes...ive told you i WONT put you in the middle of it. ive told you disregard it completely. dont keep halo. dont pick or choose and if he say you must just choose him. period.
Michael feels the way he feels because he was NEVER given a chance because of his color. IT STARTED WITH COLOR. and over the past year its developed into "reasons".
i finished.

Anonymous said...

ahem..... I would like to offer a little insight from me, who was married to a person that ended up being a total waste of my time.

I met and married an obnoxious, asshole who was not, in any way, compatible with me. I gave up my friends, my personality, my hobbies and my entire identity for this man. My parents hated him, my sister hated him. And not one of them tried to tell me how they felt. I am not saying it would have mattered to me, (at age 19) but in retrospect, I wonder, if someone had said something, maybe I would have reconsidered.

Putting color aside, it appears to me, that Mike and Laura are worried about the welfare of their daughter. And their granddaughter. I dont want to sound judgemental, but it really appears that maybe, just maybe this guy isnt quite capable of providing for a wife and a tiny baby.

Laura, I applaud you and your husband for at least making your feelings heard!

BTW, I think I have my email set to display, I didnt know I had it set otherwise! LOL