Tuesday, February 3, 2015

More to my daughter....

My darling little girl, who no matter how old you become or how many children you have of your own will always be my little girl.  you are the one I will always have the hardest time talking to, expressing my feelings to, making understand where I am coming from.... I love you child. No matter how hard I try to let it all go, to let what ever happens happen, to let you fly or fall, I still will always speak what I think... sorry cant help myself there been that way forever... ask my dad... I can be brutal...and I know it. I apologise to an extent for it but, I do not apologise for wanting more for you, for seeing what you CAN be and for expressing that to you... I am sorry that you think some of the things that you do think and I even know why you think them but, I want to clarify a few things.

1. Yes you are loved by BOTH your dad and I. 

2. You are the ONE responsible for your actions and decisions, All of them.

3. We want only the best for you.

4. You are welcome to come home, to be able to be assisted with school, work and raising Halo.

WE DO NOT want you to think or believe that we want to "take" Halo from her father.  I do not hate Mike, nor does your dad.... BUT do not be deluded... we do not like him either... and it has NOTHING to do with his skin color... it has to do with HOW WE see he treats you HOW he does not do what a MAN should or would do if he loved you like he CLAIMS. 

IT has to do with what we have SEEN and HEARD from YOU in the last year. 

We have never and still do not think that interracial relationships are the best choice for ANYONE  not because we think that black skinned people are less than or different than white skinned people... but because LIFE IS HARD.  It is hard when you are both white or both black and it is even harder for the children of those relationships.  Granted times are changing , peoples views are changing especially with YOUR generation but, for OUR generations and for the SOUTH as a whole things are NOT changing like you want them to and GOD FORBID anyone does or says something to hurt Halo ... but maybe you are realising that even with MY Mother that is something that WOULD happen if she knew about her... and that is one of many of the reasons that MY mother can NOT know about your child... and THAT SUCKS... it sucks that I feel I can not talk about brag on or post pics on facebook of MY GRANDDAUGHTER because my mother would find out about her.  It is NOT FAIR to me to HALO... to my friends and family who DO accept her and who would never HURT her because of WHO her parents are.

5. We will do anything and everything we can to help you and to help Halo but, like I tried to express to you today we will not help mike and will do as little as possible in things to help you and Halo when he is the one benefiting from that help... HE IS A MAN remember, he does not need or want or deserve OUR HELP.  ok sorry thats one of those brutal truths but it has to be said.

6. for the record... YOU WILL CARE about WHO Halo chooses to date and WHO she chooses to hang with and what she does in her life... those words that popped out of your mouth today are ones that I will enjoy seeing you eat... and BELIEVE ME with all your heart, soul, mind, and body... you WILL CARE! 
you will cry your self to sleep at night when she does things like you did as a teen... you will want to rip her head off and shake the shit out of it... you will want to lock her in a padded room until she is at least 25... all because YOU LOVE HER AND YOU WANT TO SEE HER DO AND BE ALL THAT YOU KNOW SHE CAN BE... because God help you child but you are very much your mothers child.

Monday, February 18, 2013

manic monday

the job interview was cancelled, I got an email at 330 in the morning saying that the adinistrator was ill and would be in touch... so I will wait to hear from her.

Chris... Yes they are back together, I have not talked ot them much so not sure how things are going... I have to be patient and let them come to me... Have I mentioned that I am not really a patient person  :)

OH WOW I WAS ABLE TO LOAD PHOTOS....
This one is me my cousin Les and my step sister Jennifer  somewhere there is a photo just like this only 15 years ago taken at dad and jeannes wedding, we made sure it was the same pose... My copy of the older one is in the photo album that I took up there :) 
 then there is Michael, dad and I...
 and these two are my cousins,  sister (les) and younger brother(todd) and they are the closest people ever I envy their closeness... but, they are soooooo funny too! 
his expression says it all LOL...
any way just popping on to say that the interview did not happen.... YET...

have an awesome rest of today ...
love n hugs

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I apologise....

I know it has been a really crazy year already and my blogging fell to pieces..jan 7th my step mother passed away, Michael and I went to Il for her funeral... it was a whirlwind trip 1440 miles in 60 hours.   we left earlier than we planned and thank God we did as the torrential rains we did get caught in were rough but the ones we beat... oh yeah were even worse... with freezing and flooding.

so in the last just over a month...we have not slowed down much, I dont hear from martha and halo as much as I want but, I am handleing it... sort of.  Cory Steph and Bradley are good and staying busy and keeping me on my toes LOL... I dont hear from cory as much as I want but again when your children grow up and move out and have their own families that happens ... so it is normal.

I have been job hunting... have an interview tomorrow am cautiously optomistic on that ...

I have an appt with the eye dr (to get new glasses) on wednesday ... I called and asked them to call the retina dr and get my tests as I wont be paying for lesser tests when he does the most complete studies and  tests available... but I was supposed to get glasses over a year ago when we discovered the neuroretinitis.... so they never happened... and I do need them :)

I have been to the infectious diease dr and he is pleased he said keep taking the antibotics until june and we will reevaluate so I am still on  them  this is 14 months ... so far. 

mother is still mad at me, in fact shes probably MORE mad now than she was a couple weeks ago since I had to tell her NO on something she wanted, and our lawyer agrees with me ... so all I can say is get glad ... but because shes mad it means she is not exactly talking to me.... and i feel bad some days because i really have not spoken more than a few times to her since august.

and for now thats all ... i do stay sort of active on facebook it is much easier to post photos to. 

well its news time... so have a wonderful week!
love and hugs

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

maybe the tornado is slowing

it has been a whirlwind of stuff....
We did manage to go to Illinois for the funeral we left last thursday evening when Michael got off work.  we drove to clarksville tennessee and stopped for the night, then drove the rest of the way in the next day and managed to even rest about an hour before we had to be at the funeral home.

I had to cover my face and laugh... ok giggle a little ... even though it really was not funny.   Poor Michael does not wear his dress clothing often.  and he has gained some weight.  those poor dress pants and that poor suit... Im sure his hips will never recover... thing is he fluxuates so little in size it never even occoured to me that he might not be able to wear them.  he hopped he cussed he sucked his gut in and he finally just put his belt on and prayed a little prayer that the pants would make it through the evening.  and they did... His suit was even tighter... no tie was going on since the shirt could not be buttoned... and I finally managed to get his suit pants hooked ... HE DID NOT TAKE THEM OFF TILL WE GOT HOME!  I could not believe that after the funeral when I ran to change to jeans along with everyone else he said here take my coat I will just ride home in this.

Anyway the visitation was 5 hours for us because we had to be there a bit early... and let me tell you... in 5 hours there was NO slowing of people who came... I have NEVER seen so many except possibly for when Mikes momma passed that was a HUGE bunch too.

The funeral was Saturday morning and again a HUGE croud came.  it was one of the nicest funerals I have ever been too, I actually liked what the pastor had to say and the music was fantastic... I had forgotten that Jeannes favorite song is also one of my favorites.  and the ride to the cemetary was long but we had dad jordan and judy and ronnie with us so we all chatted up a storm and made the ride pass quickly.  (it was a couple towns to the cemetary) 

We stayed long enough to enjoy the lunch that the church provided... as the winter storm threat made us all decide to head to our homes right after ... Mike and I had originally planned to stay till sunday... we are so glad w ecame on home... we got caught in bad rain from collinsville all the way into Kentucky.  then just wonds and sprinkles... but on sunday the entire part of Tennessee that we had to travel was FLOODED and in horrid rain mess.  

and apparently we still can not load pictures from our computer any more... so I cant help but wonder... is there a different site a better blog place... I have blogged off and on for many years my original blog was a yahoo blog... I have had two here on blogger but I dont like this not being able to load pictures from my computer.  How rediculous is that?

well I have been job hunting and am super suprised to see how FEW LPN jobs there are around here ... Iknow it has been in the RN phase that comes around every so many years but sheesh ... I need to go to work like ... last year... GAH.  oh well God is in control. 

Time to get back to job searching.  have a wonderful day! love and hugs.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I am ...

really ticked at my self... I know my photo taking has gone to hell in a handbasket thanks to this stupid cat scratch bullshit with my darn eye but apparently the last time we saw jeannie and dad she eluded all photos the most I got of her in any picture is from knee to foot... and to give a bit of credit to her she did threaten bodily harm to anyone taking her picture.... I thought for sure though that I had taken at least one of her and halo... and I may have done so and simply cant find it right now... which pisses me off ALMOST as much as what ever bull crap Blogger is doing with loading photos from my computer... Anyone KNOW what the hell is up with that.????

Anyway back to real life... It is my sad duty to report that last night my step mother passed away.  She as anyone who is on facebook knows has been very very ill since before thanksgiving.... and in the hospital since the monday after thanksgiving... 
so until I can get a proper picture loaded... thank you  for keeping out family in prayer and
RIP Jeannie Feb20 1950 - Jan 7 2013 you will be very missed!

Friday, January 4, 2013

did you know....

that in your stats page it shows what key words or terms are used that come up with hits on your site?  that there are some really Bizzare things keeping an eye on your site? 
Oh well I decided MANY years ago that I would not put anything on my blog that I would not either say to a persons face or not care if the WHOLE world knew what I was putting ... So suffice it to say yeah I put A LOT out there on here but, always KNOW there is a WHOLE LOT MORE that never makes it on my blog :)

I learned that someone I love is in a federal prison because she made a stupid mistake... Unfortunately unless my daughter changes who she messes with and what she does she may end up somewhere like this woman has... so heartbreaking.

my sinuses are driving me slightly nuttier than normal... so bear with.

Still have not heard anything on my step mother... which disturbs me to an extent.... but, will have to trust that no news is good news.

I am slightly ticked off I bought a new calendar ... never realised that it is a 2012 - 2013.... how does a store ... oh never mind it was walmart after all... It should have clicked in MY head BEFORE i bought it and wrote all in it... gah... damn thing was 7 bucks ... oh get over it already.

welp apparently I can not upload any pictures for your pleasure of veiwing ... come on google/ blogger get it together I am really easy to please.

Have a wonderful  4th of  January... all 19 minutes thats left of it.

I have things.....

I really want to say but, I can't recall if I have told a couple people about my blog... And I really do not want them to read what I have on my mind.

Soooo that being said I will talk / write about something totally unrelated... I got the darn resume done this morning... and after a good bit of cusing and threatening to toss/ throw/ beat with a baseball bat the  printer did make me some copies of it.  so next comes the filling out of applications... GOD I HATE THIS PROCESS... Bring the job I need to me please!

I went to lunch with Jeanette today... it was nice ... we ended up at  Long horn steak house... I think in many states it is called texas roadhouse or something like that... anyway it was delish... then we went to several stores... I needed a new planner/ calendar ... I keep up with bills ext with them and this years did not extend into January to allow me to procrastinate .... sigh... and I needed a toothbrush... apparently Martha got the last  I had here when she was here...

I wish I could have someone make shoes to really fit my feet... I have flintstone feet... they are very big and wide... super wide... and even in my WIDE nike shoes my toes feel scrunched and abused after only a short time being in them.... My super expensive New balance that I bought oh.... 10 years back... are actually flipping NARROW and like new since i never wear them... new balance were KNOWN for being wide shoes. My off brand berkenstocks are shot but I got my 12 dollars worth from them... and my poor 5 yr old berks are shot too...in fact both pr of tennis shoes that I own are like new because I rarely wear them.

I wonder... maybe there is a shoe maker in Augusta??? I just dont know.

DEBBIE... check out ABDUCTED on Net flix... we watched it tonight ... Another good choice!

Have I mentioned that my pecan pie... turned out amazing??? I am still totally shocked at how easy it is to make... maybe I will make another in june or something :)

Talked to two different nurses today for mother... and got a message from her dr as i missed his call when I was driving.  Shes ok... she still will not speak to me unless she has to... I suspect she feels some guilty.. as she should ... but she will eventually rationalize and what ever burr is up her butt will be my fault... but thats ok... I can take it :)

No word today on step mother... last call I got last night was that she was to have fluid drained off her lungs again... sigh.. find the cause please then you can fix the problem... i hope.

well it is nearly 1 am and I have to get up in the morning...

have a wonderful Friday...