well after talking to all of the parties involved... BANGING HEAD ON THE WALL...I dont think they get it. I do care however, I DON'T CARE... I just can't stand being lied to... over anything. I can help, I can bitch, I can scream, I can empathise, I can even listen, you might have to ask first but, I CAN listen and am pretty good at it.
I do not know how to make my kids and their respective mates understand that WHEN they respect themselves and do what is in front of them to do that all else falls into place.
These games of he said she said, he did she did, dont really matter to me. It simply proves to me that my kids dont trust me, and they are little kids in grown up bodies, they dont believe anything I have attempted for the last 23 plus years to teach them... maybe SOMEDAY it will all sink in... I hope.
they all need to understand that I do what I do for my Grandson and will do for my Grand daughter as I see fit for my own reasons and my own peace of mind and that unless they refuse me to see them then I will continue to do so.
I am tired... tired of the drama, tired of the bullshit, and tired of the games and am opting OUT of them...
I have EARNED the right to feel how I want to and to do what I want to and to REFUSE to do what I dont want...
and since I asked I know that Martha is the only one of them who reads my thoughts so the others will be told by me. Sigh.
that all being said, I managed to accomplish a couple things today... I returned the borrowed chairs to the lovely man who loaned them to me for the shower, I delivered the bike and clothing to the Salvation Army so that little Michael will have a wonderful christmas, then I went and wandered the stores... trying to think of anything that I am willing to purchase for my kids for christmas... guess what... I did not find a single thing that I wanted or felt the need to purchase for ANYONE ...
Is there a way to cancel the Holiday? it is a waste of my time to try to pretend that all is well, all is good, all is happy in my world... I bought Bradleys things months ago when the opportunity hit and as for the baby I am sure as things progress I will be buying things that she needs when the time comes. Is it truely necessary that grandparents put up and tree and play the comercial games ???
I have a bad enough attitude over the holidays as it is with out all of this.
Holidays have always been an empty time for me. I have always tried to see that I give to others in one way or another depending on how much money I may have available at the time... 99% of the time it is in an anoyomous sort of way ... and it is this time of year that I so wish that I had unlimited amounts of money to do for others. Naw thats not true I always wish it but, its a bit stronger this time of the year.
Michael said tonight that he saw that one of the homeless shelters in Augusta was asking for mens socks coffee and something else and he was going to tell me which one then to go buy some and drop it off there... but, he was at work and did not write down which it was... so maybe I will just get some stuff and take to which ever I find.
oh well I am simply rambeling on and on saying nothing and hope that you have not totally lost your mind trying to keep up with the twisted wanderings of my mind.
Hey dad... guess what... today acceptance is the answer to all... :)