Saturday, July 30, 2011

about me...

I have decided that because I am so open on here to do a leettle bit of splaining...about ME...who I am, what makes me tick so to speak and maybe some peoples in my  life will come to understand why I do the things I do and what got me to this place in my life.  a place by the way that when extraneous stuff is not involved I totally love.   This may be a bit rambley, it might get a leetle confusin, slap full of cliches and for that I pologise in advance. 

I will be 44 in a number of days... So I have lived a leetle bit... experienced some good, some bad, some ugly, and some fantastic....I still have a lot of living and learning left in me.  *those who either know me in person or have been reading my blog for the last 6 or so years know a whole lot of this stuff....

since I was 16 years old, a line I was told that has stuck to me is... when in confusion or doubt start at the beginning.... so here goes the short ... ha ha ha yeah laugh now cause how do you put 44 years in short form...

the very general info... I was born, placed in an orphanage and adopted when I was 8 weeks old...
* adoption was final when I was 14 months.  I grew up in a dysfunctional (ok go on and say it... we all grew up in dysfunction of some sort or another) home.  My parents fought all the time, they were very unhappy yet stayed together because well because that's what you did back then.  Much of my childhood I was on my own and thanks to that some bad crap happened.  In the same time MANY MANY good things happened too... funny how the bad shit is what always seems to stand out and dominates memories and actions in the future.

by the time I was 15 my parents had split a couple of times but somehow dad always ended up back at home, one day a HUGE fight happened and I had, had enough.  After being in the middle and scared to death that one parent would kill the other or me I told my father I was leaving with or without him and I went to my room packed my dads navy bag (that I have to this day) and crawled out of my bedroom window and headed for town.  sometime on my way to  town, he left too... and then things got a bit crazier (ok a LOT crazy) yet so much happier...

I lived with dad for the next year and a half... it was fun times as I did anything I wanted when I wanted with whom I wanted where I wanted and other than a night or two I did not worry in the least of the consequences of what I was doing... I partied... as in, lots of drugs and alcohol... LOTS ok...and I did everything that comes with that life that you can think of ... good, bad, and otherwise.  I did not care about anyone but me and the people I THOUGHT were my friends.  I can say THOUGHT with total conviction as when I turned up back in Hannibal a year and a half later I ended up living on the streets...for a while.

My cousins who were 5 years older than me decided to take me in.  They made me choose to go back to high school... and pretty much let me do anything I wanted as long as I did my share at home and did not drive (when I had a car to drive) or ride with anyone who was drunk.  I failed on the 'ride with" part too many times to count...but the times I did call they came to get me and probably saved my life more times than I can count.   I lived with them until I was 19 yrs 3 months 20 days old.

at some point during my 17th year of life... a TRUE friend from my youth said to me one day... Laura if you keep doing the things you are doing you will be dead soon... this was one of the girls that I did so many bad things with... but she had found something.... and wanted to share it with me.  And in doing so she saved my life.  *thanks birdy*

She introduced me, in the most bizarre way that would work only for me I am sure, to this society called AA
she showed me that people CAN and DO live and enjoy living without being stoned or drunk... because I was at the point I really did not care if I lived or died. In fact I was convinced I would be dead before I turned 18 and I honestly could not see any kind of life past age 18, imagine the SHOCK I felt when one day I looked about and I was 20 something with two kids a husband and alive!  On November 9th 1984 I quit drinking and drugs and began to try to live... really live,  and this program gave me something I never had before...

It gave me something to believe in, something to hope for, it gave me through the evidence of others lives that IT COULD be done and COULD really happen, It gave me a understanding that what I had lived up to that point was not the way life was supposed to be and that it was up to me to make it what I wanted, even when I had no clue what I wanted... it gave me a guide to follow that really works for anyone in any situation not just a gutter drunk, druggie with burned out brain cells like me....

the first thing I had to do was admit that I was powerless and that my life was unmanageable...(yes I am condensing the steps too, because I have learned that this encompasses more than just drugs and alcohol)  THIS IS A HUGE THING... I mean gee who wants to admit they have no power to do anything and that OH MY their Life is UNMANAGEABLE??? funny thing is... to me it was a HUGE RELIEF to realise and accept that I was a F' Up and had no clue how to live, it suddenly made sense... if that makes sense to you :)

the next thing was even harder for me...to come to believe that a POWER GREATER THAN ME could restore me to SANITY! **really now was is insane?? Oh HELL YES!! ** WOW you have no clue the depths of INSANITY that I lived and I had plenty of reason to believe that there WAS NO GOD, NO GREATER POWER, NO INTANGIBLE BEING WHO GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ME.... so I believed in a tree, and the mighty Mississippi river because YES INDEED they were a POWER greater than me.   

At some point in my life I realised that it took someone or something even greater to make that river and that might oak tree... can't recall exactly when or what happened to wake my brain up to that simple fact but, it did wake and that being, I choose to call God... ok he chose that name or perhaps the great I AM or Yeshua or Jehovah or any number of other names that people who believe in him call him.  PLEASE NOTE I have not mentioned a religious factor or a church or denomination or anything like that because ... well they are not a part of this...moving onward... simple point here is I had something to believe in.

during that revelation above I accidentally did the next thing required of me in this strange yet wonderful society...I turned my life over to that being ... that God, that someone to believe in,  I took it back many times but in the end he got me.

The next part required of me I have had to do over and over and over as I find that as I grow and life changes I simply have to... is to do a complete searching, fearless MORAL INVENTORY of myself... and I suppose in some ways this is me doing it yet again...do you realise how scary it is to take your heart and mind out and really search what makes them tick... why they think what they think and why you have chosen to do what you have done or plan to do... yeah scary... thankfully they make a book that guides you through this step... and I have gone back to that little book so many times ... I have to laugh at the first time some times as life really was so simple back then... but to me it was not, it was a HUGE mountain to climb and very painful...but, no pain no gain as they say.

OH MY then comes MORE really hard stuff...I had to admit to God (or at the time to the river) and to ANOTHER HUMAN... Good lord someone was about to get to really know me.  EVERYTHING especially the bad, the ugly, the wrong crap I had done... WHERE do I FIND SOMEONE who I can TRUST all this with?  well there is a pretty simple answer to that cause bill and bob knew that TRUST is a huge issue for people in general, ESPECIALLY for those of us who had been led by drugs and alcohol... we have to have a sponsor, someone who has been there, done that, who is there 24/7/365 when we need them. 
so because of the situation at the time... I had many sponsors HA HA HA see I was the SPECIAL case... No seriously... I was a special case... ok I was not that special ... but I did have MANY sponsors.  and they still cared about and loved me even after they learned all of my deep dark pain filled secrets.  WHEW!

then came the REALLY SCARY PART... I had to change... ok that not how its worded but that's what it amounts to.. I had to change the BAD crap that made me tick... what I did not know at the time was I was already deep into changing... cause you see just the simple not filling my body with drugs and alcohol, just lots of coffee, dewypeppers(mountain dew and dr pepper mixed)  and cigarettes had already made a huge change in me... I did not know it at the time but if you ask the people who were around me back then they can tell you... I was still rather nutty but, was completely different than I was when filled with drugs and alcohol...
the next "step" ties into the one above but in short I had to ask God to remove the crap...or what are called defects of character... and damn I had a  lot of them to be so young.  this is another one of those that has to be done over and over in life... sigh...

the next is a real test of memories... because I had to make a list of all whom I had hurt, harmed, or done wrong and had to be ready willing and able to make amends to them all... funny how making that list seems so hard (I think this may be where I learned EMPATHY) because in stopping to think about all whom I had violated in my life I suddenly realised that My selfishness my single minded thought processes my self centeredness had really hurt others... suddenly I was made to realise just how my acts, actions, life had effected/affected **Always get those two messed up so I figure as messed up as I was BOTH fit ** others.

oh good lord can you guess what happens next???

Yeah, I had to go apologise, or make amends to those people on my list... unless that apology would harm them or others... thing is unless they were dead in MY CASE... no apology would harm them or others... so yep I had lots of pologisin to do... and I did ...today I am much better at pologisin much sooner and recognising when I NEED To pologise....wow... can you imagine how FREEING it is to admit that I had done wrong to face it and to go to that person and "FIX" it??? now, I have to say that EVERYONE did not forgive me... some were not too happy to learn of what I had done cause I was pretty sneaky and they had no idea it was me that did that thing.... but, anyway It is freeing... it  is a new sense of freedom and happiness that cant really be splained until you live it.... but it is so worthy! 

learning to recognise when I have done bad, or wrong admitting it sooner and fixing it... is the next thing... it is a life long process and one that as I change and grow simply becomes a part of me... of who I am, of what makes me tick... it changes how I see things and how I do things and therefor what I do.

I battled for many years with the prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understood him because I really did not understand him...but praying for the knowledge and power to live as I should also changed me...and somewhere along the line I did have that spiritual awakening and Do try NOT AS I should to carry that message to other alcoholics and drug addicts... and everyday people who's lives are totally out of control and unmanageable.... you see I have been clean and sober for 24 years... yeah you can go back and do the math... I went back out and tried the old life for a while... but, thankfully I lived long enough to make it back.... however since ever so many years ago I stopped going to meetings... See I broke all the RULES... I married a man who also is an alcoholic... one who is also  clean and sober... and together we decided that the crap and BS that can happen in meetings was more than the good we needed in our lives so we stopped going to meetings... but, someway, somehow, we have made it work for us.

In doing these things I have found a new freedom and a new happiness, I do not regret the past nor have I forgotten it, I do comprehend the word serenity (she was my doberman pincher**little inside joke here I hear you laughing dad) and I do KNOW peace. The feelings of uselessness and self pity are gone, I have lost interest in selfish things and have grown to appreciate others, self seeking has gone, and my whole attitude and outlook on life has changed.  My fear of people and economic crap has left me, I intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle me (yeah there are still some that baffle me) and I do realise that God has done for me what I could not do for myself.  IT TAKES WORK, HARD WORK to make these things happen but, with time hard work becomes habit.

have to smile here... ok DAD say it out loud with me... page 449
"and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person place thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.  Nothing absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I can not be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes."

that being said this is a very selfish thing... there are places and times that you can not just accept you have to DO SOMETHING to make the change you want and to lead those who need leading and especially those who are asking to be led.

"acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to him; however it turns out that is God's will for me."
"I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. WHEN I CAN REMEMBER THIS. I CAN SEE I HAVE NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD!"

H is for honesty
O is for openmindness
W is for willingness
the big book calls this the essentials for recovery... I call this the essentials for LIFE!

rationalization-  is giving a socially acceptable reason for a socially unacceptable behavior, and socially unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity.

ok dad where from here? HA HA HA yeah you know 552!

"if you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.  EVEN when you really don't want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't really mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. do it everyday for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that when you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."

and that my friends is what makes me tick... what guides my life and decisons and makes me who I am today. 
I do hope that this helps others to understand me ... to see why I do what I do and what motivates me.
and if it does not that's ok too... am I perfect?  Nope.   do I do this right all the time?  Nope.  Am I striving to live and breath and learn and teach? you betcha!

now to the fun stuff... Jeannie, Stephanie's cousin is being induced early as in today as she is a tiny cancer surviving girl who is 35 I think weeks pregnant and has been having labor for over a week ... and usually Saturdays Bradley goes to her aunts... anyway he is coming here today and I have to get the stuff I planned to do done much faster than I had planned... so that I can enjoy him while he is here... we were out swimming at 10 pm last night and OH it was so much FUN! that boy loves the pool!
Have a wonderful weekend :) God Bless :)

realised later today that I forgot to add something that is so totally important....
"people who "fail"  are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves... There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault they seem to have been born this way.  they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a mannor of living which demands rigorous honesty. there are those too who suffer from grave mental and emotional disorders but they do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."

Funny I would forget to mention this part as it is something Michael will look at me from time to time when I am fussing about something he will say to me... Laura There ARE those UNFORTUNATES.... and HE is so right....

Friday, July 29, 2011

RIP Silver Bullet

yesterday our biggest Kio died.  Silver bullet was marthas fish baby... and in trying to figure out just how old he was I think I am deciding about 12 years old.  He was 29 inches long and 16 pounds.  he was so big around and you cant really tell that from the one pic I managed to take but this fish baby was HUGE!
when we got him and the 5 other koi  they were the size of my pinky finger... martha and I drove way out in south augusta to a place that no longer exists and picked out these 6 fish from the hundreds they had there and named them on the way home... its funny that this fish was a little silver colored streak that would dart all around the pond like a bullet
anyway we are down to 4 of the original 6 koi 4 fish that hatched here and one gold fish
well time to go get my bradley so hope you have an awesome day! 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

thoughts from a mind thats probably too little to be left out to play alone....

I have not posted much lately... well not much that is really bouncing around in my head... So I have decided to let it out to play a bit and to mush it though my fingers onto the keyboard and see where it comes out.

I will probably piss off a few people in my life who read my blog but, that wont be a first either...

1st.  thanks dad for calling this morning it was good to hear your voice... some times I  really hate not being close enough to just go have coffee with you.  even though I would not change a single thing in OUR lives and OUR road that we have traveled sometimes 770 miles is just too damn much. 

2nd.  Michael has been working his butt off on a major project out side and it is coming together very nicely... I keep meaning to go out and take pics to show you all the progress but have fallen very short in my photo skill games...
speaking of outside... the three baby fish... who we, ok I named 2, Michael named one.... Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn and Racer are growing like little weeds they  are darting about the pond like crazy and sometimes I catch the bigger fish especially Lucky chasing them... tom and huck tend to hang out together and racer who is quite a bit bigger than they tends to hang alone at times....but I digress....or perhaps deviate from whats really bouncing around in my head dying to get out....

3. We have gotten to see Halo a couple times and are really enjoying her being back around... she might be here this evening, I am just not sure as I have not heard back from Martha yet on that... speaking of which...  let me go take something from the freezer for supper...be right back.  Ok, looks like it will be chicken and rice and some lima beans on the side... and I have another bushel of corn to process today as Michael brought another home last night... he said that the farmer said things are ending for the spring crops we have a half a bushel of speckled butter beans coming and some onions and seems like something else... also a bit later in the summer we have collards, mustard, and turnip greens to look forward to... :) 

back to Martha... and Halo... am not really sure of what the dynamic here is as I don't really get to talk to Martha about anything of any real importance it is so very sad to me that the young woman who once was my best friend, closest running buddy, daughter, heart, is physically pretty close by but, is totally gone from my life... sometimes the pain totally over whelms me... I cant help but wonder if she ever misses me and the lives we used to have...I cant help but wonder when and where things went so very off that it has come to this and if it will ever come close to what it was?   I guess that in this situation I am lost somewhere in the stages of grief as its like a death but not quite because it is something that has no end so it is more like a terminal illness you know its always lurking somewhere waiting to come out and kick you in the nose so some days the pain is less yet, the fear is always hanging about and the self preservation and heart protection kicks in and you shield yourself from it... if that makes any sense to anyone other than me then... God help ...

3. Cory and Stephanie are struggling, Both are in school and both work... Stephanie's job keeps cutting her hours when she needs them the most, their budget is shot to hell and back and the stress on both is pretty ugly... they are worn out with the hours and work it takes being a parent to a wild energy filled 2 year old whom none of us would take billions for.... I know that they can make it through this but, sometimes I do wish I could make things easier for them but, hell ... I can't so I simply do what I can by taking care of Bradley  4 days and one night a week and when ever else I'm needed to.  

I took Bradley to the wound clinic yesterday for his follow up... it was sort of frustrating as we got there at 1030, his appointment was 11.  the waiting room was packed it holds about 60 people easily ... there was another 2 yr old boy we sat by and those boys played and played and were perfect angels for over an hour until the other little boy was called to the back... then Bradley played all alone for another hour before he got hungry and tired... so he had some cereal and fruit snacks then I had to make him sit on my lap, in a few minutes he had been whispered to sleep... I think there were some adults who were quite amazed at how he goes to sleep for me... but... ever since he was a little guy I have been able to get him tucked in  just right and can whisper /sing a couple specific songs to him and he will conk out... I am not sure if he is just that tired or my singing is just that bad and yes it is that bad.... but it works when he is upset or tired and I am glad.  so eventually at 1 15 they finally called us back and by 130 we were heading out to grab something to eat... we went to sonic and got a double cheese burger and fries and milk for the B man... then off to the pool supplies place as the pool was a bit out of balance.... He was really hungry as he ate 3/4 of that double cheese burger and nearly all of the fries on the way to his other grandmas... we go back in 4 weeks.   they are watching the scar on his head and say his foot is great but not 100% yet.  Bradley wanted the big white bandage but all they gave him was a band aid.

4. Lori, I love my sister... I even really like her most of the time... however, I totally don't understand some stuff and don't know for sure that I even want to.  2 months ago we helped her come live with us.  In our minds it was to be a safe place for her to recover from what ever insanity happened to her in the last 10- 11 months, year... however long it has been... a place to get back on her feet to rediscover who and what she wants and basically just help... however, NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING has been anything like I thought it would be... the sister I knew the sister who lived here before who I talked to often or went years without talking to... is not the same person who came here.  I find that I do not know how to help her... I don't know what to say or to do to help her find herself...and the things happening here make me very uncomfortable, at times, in my own skin. 

Sometimes I see that person whom I knew and enjoyed so much but the vast majority of the time I am not so sure who is staying in my spare room... she and I have talked many times about it and have devised plans on how to make things work but even after making those plans ...nothing happens. little seems to change and I find that so totally well, bizarre and hard to handle.  I could write a book on things... but in the end you would be as confused and lost as I am so I think I might spare you the details... yet maybe typing them out would help me to assess and sort and put them into some logical order however I tend to think that as unnatural and confusing as they are they might become even more jumbled as I don't even know where to frickin begin...besides that, who is it that determines what is natural and normal and right??? is a thing or way of doing things right because that is how the majority does it?? or is that simply conforming to the masses? 

I do know from marrying a man who is 17 years my senior that age does make a difference in how we see and do things... and by being 17 years older than my sister we don't see many things alike...however where is the line on which right and wrong in a situation is determined? 

is there a protocol out there somewhere that tells us what the rules are when living with others?  is there a list of how long you let something be a certain way?  when that time is reached how do you change it to make it more comfortable for all?   How do you take someone who is so lost and confused and set them on a path to fitting in their own skin?  how do you teach an adult something that they did know but have lost somewhere in the process of their life?  how do you set aside the fears that apparently control to a debilitating level of insanity?

 I feel that I know what I would be doing and how I would be acting yet, I know that as alike as we are in some things we are completely different in others and from my own experiences I know that what works for one as a motivation to change or grow is totally different in others...so how can I tell her to do what I would do when I don't know what her end all thoughts are where she wants to be how she wants her life to be because in the end it will not be the same as my life she wont have the friends I have the thoughts the feelings because hell even identical twins are different in some things...

take today for example... she has a couple places to go to see about getting a job, she said they told her from 10 to 2 to come in... IF IT WERE ME... I would have been up and out sitting on their doorsteps at 930 this morning because quite simply I would not give another the chance at getting a job I need so badly... I would use my actions to SHOW the prospective hiring person that I want the job they are offering... you would never find me in bed at 11 39 ... but that's me. 

I am a person who does not accept excuses well, I hear them, I see them and I even make them from time to time I am very flexible in some things and others I find it well to be blunt... disgusting. 

One thing that really bothers me... is that when I need someones help in anything I know that I have to be willing and able to do as much or more than the ones offering help, in helping myself... I do not see my sister even trying to help herself much of the time...I don't know how long she thinks this will continue to go like it is but, Indefinitely,  may have to be something that changes... to maybe motivate hell, I don't know... but one thing I do know is that I can not and am not willing to be the only one trying and the only one putting out the effort to help someone when they should be trying to help themselves.  and being lost and confused only goes so far... I know that my husband will help to a point as well but, eventually that help will be gone because he like me will do anything humanly possible to help anyone as long as that person is helping themselves ...

anyway I have things to get done that I did not get done yesterday as the hospital took much longer than I had hoped and even though I did accomplish much there is always more to get done...

so with all of that brain play being out and about let me gather what is left of my mind and say I hope you all have a wonderful productive day and I really like this line I borrowed from kayola on facebook....

what if you woke up today with only what you thanked God for yesterday? 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

time to play catch up ... LOTS of PICS :)

The other day... evening,  Halo got to come to grandmas house while her parents were at work.  :)
She spent some time playing with great aunt Lori,

 And got to have some papa time... she would watch him everywhere he went and if he would step around the corner she would hollar until he came back... they are smitten with each other.
 Halo gets all kinds of wild with those arms... and she loves to eat... she will smack her lips and pop her tongue on the roof of her mouth while grunting and trying to get to the spoon if you are moving slower than she thinks you should... she kept papa and I laughing.
 Aunt Stephanie and Bradley were excited too... Bradley is always looking for his baby.
 and as typical we could not get both kids to look up at the same time....
 aunt Stephanie and Halo were laughing at each other....
 Bradley had to have some Halo sugars...
 ad Halo loves bert and ernie :)
 She also will get up on her hands and knees and rock ... she will be crawling soon!  but for now she crashes over and then looks at you like you did something to her... it is too funny
 and she still gives grandma the stink eye!!!
 and she wants you to see her belly... she loves to be tickled too... she just laughs and laughs....
 Today... We got to do something special... as you bloggers know we have special relationships with our fellow bloggers and I am lucky enough to have a blog buddies children and grand children get stationed here at fort gordon.. . today they got to come over and go swimming... their mom and I get along wonderfully and the kids are adorable... 100% kids and I love that.  I had talked to my blogger buddy (you know who you are) and I promised I would not say names... and blogger buddy I did not mention blogs either....
 this guy is so adorable he giggles smiles and talks up a storm he is 3 pounds heavier than halo they both are strong babies :)
 this little lovey had a ball in the pool and would have stayed here forever i think or until he missed his mom... he is an adorable sweet guy and I cant wait to see him again :)
 Miss precious is simply a doll ... period she is beautiful always smiling and the happiest little person ...
 This is for grandpa... he was playing a shark and coming to get me ...
 they took turns falling off the float ...
 and played and played and swam and they might even get a pool for their yard pretty soon too as they loved this one!
 miss princess made a huge splash falling off the boat.... (float LOL)
 and mr heart breaker came to give a big smile for grandma and grandpa :D of course after each picture they had to see it... which is something too cute that has come with the advent of LCD screens on cameras.
 Mr Bradley could not swim today... he had a dr appointment today for his head that turned into a dual wound treatment appointment as last night he dropped a cup and promptly stepped on a BIG peice and cut his heel... its a pretty big cut on a little foot and now we get to go back to the wound clinic again on monday.
 the boy is a total mess and oh does his personality shine out in the pic below.... they all at the clinic know and realized today that this is truely grandmas boy as daddy tried to pick him up and he had a screaming fit until I took him ...
 he got mommys glasses and struck a pose... such a sweet guy my bubbie is. :D
 he posed... right after he walked into the wall that has been there his whole life LOL...
I suppose that is probably why you should not wear shades in the house.... walls move... well anyway hope you have had a fun journey visiting the favorite little peoples in my world ... maybe one day soon we can have all 5 of them together at the same time.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

busy busy busy

have lots of pics to show will post soon I promise :)

hope you are all well and having a great week in this horrid heat.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

we have been busy...

nothing much new there huh, seems like the weeks are flying by so darn fast. 
It's that season again, time to put up veggies for the year and I love it.
If my honey did not have the contacts that he has with south Georgia and a particular farmer who  sends his produce up here as we order it, fresh picked the day before then I probably would not do it.
But, seeing as how he does, well then, I do :)

we get corn, squash, baby limas, butter beans,white acre peas, pink eye peas, cream peas, vidilia onions, squash, peppers, tomatos, cucumbers, and what ever else this man has to offer.
Dean comes to work tells Michael what he has about to be picked and then Michael either tells him to bring him some or asks me what I want and I make a list and then they are picked and brought up the next day or brought when they are harvested...but he wont pick on fridays and bring them on monday thats too long to suit him...
**just to be fair... Dean sells TRUCK LOADS of stuff for the guy who farms he takes orders from everyone on the job not just Michael.

the prices are unbelieveable and all the beans and peas come shelled so a buschel is 2 gallon freezer bags stuffed as full as they will go...

Bradley is my big helper on some stuff he worked off and on for two hours putting up Squash for future meals...
 this little as seen on tv contraption I bought several years ago... actually this is my second one... as I wore the first one out.... it is the handiest and best chopper ever invented and I so wish I had thought of it as I might would be well off today had I. 
 I would wash and cut the squash and bradley chopped them up...
 and said cheese several times for the camera.....
 I love when kids are interested... I am sure in a few short years he wont be the least bit interested in helping Grandma with chores or work...

I bought Michael a little shop vac to replace the one we loaned to Martha and finally just gave to her... and I think it really is Bradleys Vacuum....Bradley spent the night one night last week, and after his bath he and papa played with the vacuum for quite some time

 it was way too funny to watch as Bradley went from being somewhat afraid of the vacuum to being in total control of it.   Papa sucked up his toes of his jammers
 and he made his what are you doing crazy, face.....
 then he worked on cleaning the couch and sucking his hand...
the next day I think it was or maybe a day or two later Bradley made a huge mess with chips so we got out the vacuum and he cleaned the WHOLE HOUSE... to him it was all play to me it got a necessary chore done with only a little help from grandma... I would plug in the vacuum and he would suck up all in reach.... I showed him how to do base boards and corners which he took particular joy in then would move to another part of the room... in the end he was worn out and the room was good and vacuumed!

He is such a happy little guy... cause after he and grandma put up the squash ... we went to"'EAT" at his favorite  place... MCDONALDS!
for the next 4 weeks stephanies schedule has changed and we have Bradley from 8 am until well last night was midnight as she has school then work on Fridays... we have him while she is at school on Wednesday and Thursday and while she is at work on Sundays... this coming Sunday he is going to spend with her sister ... so he will get some awesome Auntie Kristen time in....

we have several big projects in the works.... so will have to get some pics today as Michael started yesterday on the outside ones... and I have more veggie putting up to get done today and really must go buy meat for the month ... am so happy we have managed to make it over a month on the last meat run I made... we are down to our last pack of meat ... I dont like to keep meats much more than a month or two in the freezer....

anyway got a busy weekend ahead ... hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

where does the time go???

Stephanie and Cory came over Sunday evening to play in the pool for a bit with Bradley and us... we had a ball literally and hit it around to each other and of course had to chase it out in the yard when we got a little agressive.
 Bradley loves to dump the cup full on your head!
 and of course to say cheese to the camera!
he loves to be thrown all over the pool and I missed getting apic of him when he suddenly dunks his head under and starts to kick his feet... he will be swimming in no time!  HE LOVES THE POOL!
video

Anaeyah Dyanna Rogers...born 2day @ 1:05 7lbs 2oz

 Isnt she just adorable, and all that beautiful hair too... mama is beautiful too even though she thought the pics are bad cause she is swollen up ... told her shes supposed to be good greif she just had a baby not quite 4 hours ago!!
 AHHHHHH sweet love!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

we have babies!!!!!!!!!!

we saw for the first time last night not one, not two but THREE new babies!

I tried to get a clear picture but the humidity was so bad that the lense kept fogging and of course they are LITTLE bitty  babies....

in this pic all three are there ... one at the top by some leaves and the two bigger ones in the middle...
*dont forget you can click on the pic to embiggen!
** usually we dont have any babies as the fish eat the eggs before they have a chance to hatch and grow... and they will eat the fry as well if they can... apparently the lilys are big enough that these guys hid and grew to an uneatable size! :) 
 in this you can see two the littleest one follows the bigger....
 these of course are 6 of the 7 bigger fishes... top is bullet, speckled is gizmo, bogie is facing gizmos head lucky is in the middle, then diamond and at the bottom near the bridge is nugget... Emma the fan tail gold fish was busy eating and missed her photo opportunity.
 Lori and I went to pick up pizza at pizza hut when this cute car pulled in... I doubt her owner would like her being calle cute but she really is!
 we wanted to swim yesterday but storms rolled in early afternoon so the pool remained covered all day.  maybe today we will get a chance to play in the pool.
 the finches love these thistle seed socks... usually there are a lot more than two feasting ....
 the pond is very healthy as we have seen many many of these baby frogs wandering around they are teenie tiny and make the baby fish look big! 
anyway I hope to get better pictures and to come up with some names for the fishes... I have had some really cute and fun suggestions on facebook.... so what do you think they should be named? 
Hope you have a fantastic Sunday.
God Bless.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I wish...

that life were easy... that love did not hurt... and that children would stay children much longer than they do.

I am somewhere between hurt and mad and at this very second am not too sure which I am more and at whom....

But as in all things that suck in life... I will live, I will love and, I will survive... until the day comes that God takes me home...

I so hope that when we do die all the cares and worrys of earthly crap leaves us... and that we really do get what is promised in the bible... I choose to believe that we do... because I dont believe that God can lie.

anyway... dont worry I am fine I choose not to elaborate... and thats ok...

life is all about choices and the consequenses from those choices yet often I feel that I am left without a choice in so many things...  so who has a great cheese to go with my whine???

ta ta for now in the super HOT state of Ga....

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

family fun on the 4th...

we went to my sister in laws for the 4th, we usually do as they have a great pool and we all love to play in the pool.
as always there is a ton of awesome food.
 Bradley LOVED the pool... he loved all the men and women who were willing to throw him all over the pool.  He  has so many grown cousins who will play rough and keep him entertained.
I slowed for a second yesterday to realise that of all of us there we have 3 people who have been burned badly and lived to tell of it... with little evidence of the horrors that being burned entails... we are so blessed.
 there are always the keep the ball in the air contests... and they are a hoot ...

Bradley would jump off the side and kick about anywhere in the pool ... thankfully there are uncles who will step in and with a word get wild children to obey the safety rules...
 there are Aunts and Uncles abound and it is fun for everyone to cool off and play.
 Fathers and sons to dunk... because we all know that all is fair in love and dunking. :)
 older cousins to help the little cousins as they learn to swim and play...
 and to hug on when the thunder starts and everyone has to get out and have some home made ice creams...Strawberry and peach YUMMMMY.
 and Aunts hair clips to play with while floating about
 and grandmas to swim to ...while more cousins play ....
and it was good and fun and those who were not there were missed so much....and new memories were made...hope you all have had as good of a holiday as we did.