Wednesday, March 16, 2011

its wednesday again

time has gotten away from me yet again... big suprise there huh?
Monday I had Bradley and
Bradley was tired and conked out on the couch to curious george and he slept for about 2 and a half hours and might have slept a bit longer but while I was feeding
Halo he decided to stretch out and fell off the couch... I had placed pillows so his fall would not hurt... it was classic and sorta cute in a twisted sort of way cause he grinned a huge grin then flipped off onto the pillow then realised I was feeding Halo and had to come love on her and help feed her.
 while he was sleeping I decided to go through my stuff and use up the bread ends I had been saving all month and made Bread pudding with Burbon sauce.... YUMM.... I learn little tricks and tips watching the cooking shows and love them late at night when i cant sleep... but this past week since getting back from missouri I have done nothing much more than SLEEP...
 I think that the virus that was going around up there has manifested in me somewhat differently than how it hit them... Most who had it were puking and had the runs, I have had a low grade fever and a tiny bit of stomach distress (runs) gah.... but the chills have left me dragging. I have gone to bed by 10 ,1030 at the latest which is totally unnatural for me. 

I also get up earlier on the off chance that Martha will be here on time to make it to school on time so she can graduate...  but so far that is a total waste of my time ... 736  and just got a text saying shes on her way... I guess the school telling her she wont be able to graduate does not leave an impression...

I don't know if shes been reading my blog lately and am not sure if I even care. 
we certianly don't talk about anything with any meaning and I feel as though the young woman I raised and admired is gone.  It breaks my heart to see what and who she has become. 

The young woman that I raised had a heart as big as alaska for herself and others, she had hopes and dreams and plans to make those happen.   Somewhere along the line she appears to have given up the hopes and dreams and mostly the plans to make it all happen, and has settled for much less than she is worthy of and is killing herself trying to prove to me how wrong I am. 

This past weekend I went to see REE, The Pioneer woman, Martha was supposed to come with me but, that did not happen, she texted me as it was ending saying that I could not go alone and that it is not safe and that I should not be doing things alone.... I texted her back and told her that I am perfectly safe and getting used to doing things alone...I mean seriously, I just got home from a nearly 2000 mile trip alone and will more than likely be going back alone in April, I don't LIKE doing things alone... for so many years she was always there with me doing things and enjoying each others company... I miss that young woman.  I dont know how to get her back...I dont know that she even wants back. 

Anyway did not mean to turn this into a pity party but thats where its heading so...
Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday and keep Japan and all the world in prayer as we sure need it.


TSannie said...

When Halo is her age and doing what her mom did at that age...then Martha will get it, for sure. (Praying it's sooner that that, though.) Thinking of you!

Mental P Mama said...

Hugs, my friend. Hugs

Bluebird49 said...

I'm sending hugs, too. I"m glad you still feel up to cooking good things, and loving on your grandchildren.

The other problem--well--let's pray one day she's "come to herself", like another prodigal did a long time ago.

Debra D. said...

Thanks for sharing so openly. I, too, have a bit of a strained relationship with my daughter. She is 18 years old, away in college. I'm not even sure why she seems to dislike me sometimes and she has said she doesn't know why, either. We were quite close when she was growing up but not now. I've tried everything I can think of...backing off to give her space, trying to be there, whatever. And it just seems like she only pulls me close when she needs something, then shoves me back again. I don't get it, I guess I'm not supposed to. Anyway, I usually just "lurk" but wanted you to know that you are not alone!

Karen Deborah said...

You know my story and she will come back, don't give up. Just keep praying.