thoughts from a jumbled mind...

it's Monday again and as usual I have a bazillion things jumping around inside my head over a weeks worth actually ... HAVE MERCY...

I have been reluctant to post some things about Martha and her choices for several reasons...

1. no matter if it is good bad or other wise she will take it wrong and, she does on occasion read here when she has computer acess at school.... I dont think computers are allowed in ISS (in school suspension)however and apparently that is where she plans to finish out the school year... she has a number of days ISS for tardies, and like today... shes tardy again ... It irritates me that she comes in here over a week ago announces she will be here by 720 daily so that she will make it to school on time... and has made it ONCE by 720 to my house but she still did not make it to school on time.  WHY DO I BOTHER???

2. after my last post dealing with martha she left a pretty nasty comment then deleted it, I still got the comment and the other that she deleted as they all come to my email.  but anyway the comment showed me just how immature and unready my child is to be out and about in the "real world" and I decided that in trying to help her because I KNOW she reads my blog that maybe I would give the saying nothing approach the good old college try and see if that made a difference... so far... no :(    

just so you know martha  I am sorry I have failed you as a parent, you are a strong and  hard headed young woman but, somehow  some where in all that I FAILED misrably in teaching you when and where that is best used.  I pray that you get all you are desiring and that when you do you recognise it for what it is.  and I pray that you someday see that all I have tried to tell you teach you and show you has been for your good not to harm or hurt you.  

anyway enough on this subject for now.

* just got a text which pisses me off totally, saying I am real sorry Halos not coming today,  gee  have been up an hour waiting you could have told me this last night.

Since many of you brave readers of my blog also are my friends on facebook you have already seen this, and you know about my food porn album...  I "borrowed" the food porn idea from Marlene (if i manage to recall how to link I will link through her name to her blog) anyway I often wondered WHY I chose to do this little thing and my hubby without realising it explained it to me last night.  SEE its like this Michael and I have a strange relationship we have this bizzare way of complementing certian things and food that I cook is not left out of this bizzare ritual.  I don't know when or how it started but, I have always been interested in cooking and trying to figure out how my mother made the things I loved to eat as a child.  My mother could never be bothered with teaching me, she says I was never interested and to some extent I think she is right.  My childhood memories are pretty hard ones and If I was at home I was made to work (theres nothing wrong with working mind you but, I was used as unpaid un thanked labor who was beat when I did not do as expected)  so I stayed gone from the house as much as possible off in the woods or out finding someone to play with in the neighborhood. but I digress sorry, anyway what he does when he really really likes something he will say, "this is the worst thing I ever ate you need to keep practicing"  or he will say, "I am going to have to eat this to prevent anyone else from suffering"  to which I will apologise and promise to keep making it and try to find a way to improve on it. 
So saturday morning I was on the phone with my cousin Beth (shes in the pic on my header) and we were chatting away and she talked about how much she enjoyed the puff pasteries I had made when she was here, which made me realise I was hungry and wanted puffs.... so I took out the stuff to make them and while chatting with her I did.  I was a bit impatient with the pastry and it was not totally thawed correctly so they turned into these HUGE pastries instead of the cute smaller triangles they usually are, and of course another standing joke around here.... "is this food porn or is this just regular food?"

 the far left is bacon and cheddar cheese bites the other two are bacon egg and cheese puffs...So I ask you is this food porn or just regular food?

 Michaels plate looks like mine ...very FULL lol... oh and back to the realisation I came to.... Quite some time ago I cooked something, for the life of me I cant recall what exactly it was but what ever it was it brought on this totally unexpected and totally unaware on my part series of MOANS while consuming it... and apparently it was so annoying that Michael had something to say about the moans at the table... SO....I think that is why I decided to do food porn *unconsiously of course*  the other reason was simply because I thought it was cute and fun to photograph things I had cooked to share with others.

this is the left overs that we absolutely could not eat... Bradley and I shared one yesterday for breakfast and there is still one in the fridge.... so ANYWAY Last night I cooked something I have not cooked in a long time... something that Michael and I love Its not the prettiest dish and not one that many really love and I totally forgot to take pictures.... but anyway I made chicken gizzards (fried), rice, and pan gravy and some corn from the sweet corn that Michael had brought home last summer.

WHEN MICHAEL MOANED I REALISED WHY I HAVE FOOD PORN!!!!!!!!!!! I looked over at him and BURST OUT LAUGHING... I said, " do my ears decieve me ??? did I really hear a moan from you?"  to which he smiled took another bite and said, "you must have been hearing things."  and proceeded to try to kill himself by eating as many as he could. 

I just realised that I have  been neglegent on photographing Bradley and Halo this week as I have no NEW pics to share so this one has to do as it is Bradley personified... the  little shit had to be spanked a few times this weekend.  He is deep into the testing of EVERYTHING and time out has not left an impression YET, we still try it first but eventually enough is enough and his attention has to be gained and a pop to the diapered butt seems to gain that attention.

he likes to BANG the cabinet doors and he KNOWS it makes his papa angry, so he stood there banging them was moved to time out for 3.4 seconds told not to bang the doors and went right back to banging them even harder... so POP!   he stopped banging the doors.

THEN later on he decided that my shelves of VHS movies were no longer off limits,  and after being sat in time out again for 3.4 seconds cause he tried to run ASAP... he went back and decided to throw them on the floor,  well there are 300 plus of them and that is simply not acceptable so when he decided to run from me with one in his hand POP!  he has not messed with them again (yet)

THEN.... Bradley loves Popscicles he has ever since he started cutting teeth and I have had a bunch in the freezer for several years... you know the kind popice I think they are called the long skinny plastic tubes.... anyway  I have always made him sit on my lap and I will tear off the plastic as he consumes them because a baby trying to grasp the understanding of pushing up the frozen treat is well simply not there.... and he knows the ritual well... so yesterday he decided to squeeze the pop and see how far he could shoot the ice...after about three times I took the popice from him and told him last chance or it goes in the trash to which he looked me dead in the eyes said something in bradleyese and threw it across the room... well POP goes his butt and into the trash goes the pop ice... you would think I had tried to murder him with the screaming he did...but he wont be doing that trick again... for a while I don't think.

When his parents got here to pick him up Cory was asking me if he had done the dump the cup routein for me yet... then demonstrated it.... God I wish I had video of that it was hysterical, he said he will stand there look you dead in the eye GRIN like that pic above then dump the cup... I said nope he has not tried that one yet, but we also don't give him cups without a lid yet either.

Michael has been working out front more, he is now working on building me a flower bed across the front, I have had one there for years but this one will be ummm perminant... as Michael can't do anything half assed it might take forever but when it is done well lets just say I pity the person who one day decided to tear it down or move it because as my brother in law used to say ... I HATE trying to take apart anything Mike Hall built. 
  I apologise in advance this it going to turn into a LONG post as I just went outside walked around the yard and took a bunch of pics to share :)

this is the view from the bottom of the stairs  (duh like you could not tell that) the gate is deceptively simple yet hard as heck to get the latch to open.  which is a good thing with the BADLEY!

 remember you can click to embiggen all pics :)  the starts of my flower bed... must get shade loving plants as this side does not get much sun.

 he ran out of mortar mix and blocks...so HAD to stop.  But I like where it is going, We are debating on painting the blocks to match the shades of Georgia Gray that the house and porch is.

 the dirt hill is sprouting grass and weeds ... have I mentioned that the weather has been to die for here ... breaking all records with the highs... 83 yesterday... I have mixed emotions on that as if it is 83 in Feb. what the heck is it gonna be in June July Aug and Sept... HOTTER THAN HELL I suspect.

 the view from the mail box.... one day SOON the entire roof will be done but for now that is an unfinished project.... have I ever mentioned that when you are married to a carpenter/ jack of all trades that you live in a continuing project that is NEVER done???

 talked to my aunt last night she asked if things were greening up... I said not much but, as usual I am wrong, We have not cleared off the old leaves yet as it has been either too cold, to windy, to wet or too something so we have about two months to get the yard blown / raked/ burned before the county burn ban is in effect. (May 1st)   this flower (not sure exactly what it is) comes up over at the edge of the woods every year and I forget its back there unless I am back there for something so I made a special trip to see what it is up to so I can show it to you.

 We think that possibly my sister in law planted them back there YEARS ago when she was here visiting shes a plant freak and knows more about them than anyone I know but, I can only deal with her in small doses... love her but... you know how that goes.

 I think maybe it is a daffodil but not sure...will have to check on it in a day or so and see what it looks like when it blooms.  Below are the iris' that karen sent me last year... no two years ago, last year ONE purple one bloomed and I was afraid that the hard freezes we had this winter might have hurt them but apparently they are coming right on back ... I hope they ALL bloom this year I am excited to see what colors I ended up with ... Iris' are my FAVORITE flowers!

 and Oh my how my babies have grown!!! Lucky in the middle had more than doubled over the winter and he is getting orange spots!  He is a mixed breed fish and the ONLY one to be born here and survive.  he has the most beautiful HUGE fan tail  and when he is all stretched out its nearly as long as his body.... YES that is a power cord above them, we had to replace the big waterfall pump a few weeks back and this new pump has a much shorter cord than the old one... the old one would lay across the bottom of the pond .annoying in pics but the fish love to rub on it...

the fish appear to be playing ring around the lucky... nugget has his head under diamonds  tail and diamond is following Bogie (on top with his face showing) is following nugget LOL... Bullet,  Emma ,and Gizmo could not be bothered with these fishy games.

Well with all that said I am sure I have more drivel to bore you with but since I do NOT have Halo today there are some things I need to go out into the world and take care of... One is heading to sears and getting a new leaf blower.  our old ones are simply worn out and they are so affordable it will be cheaper in the long run to buy a new one than pay the cost to repair the two old ones... who knows I might just get two new ones!  and I need to make a trip over to Trenton, South Carolina to my friend Sue's and pick up Beths Quilt that Sue has had done for quite some time now... hers is sunflowers and I cant wait to see it I know it is BEAUTIFUL will take pics when I have it to show you.  My aunt made me one that is Iris's and it lives on my bed these works of are are so amazing and totally hand made which means they take YEARS to complete. 

anyway Thanks for visiting and hope you enjoyed my blathering today and cant wait to go see whats happening in all of your corners of the world

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!

just

checkin in... got loads on my little mind... but with two babies here and life getting in the way I don't have time to organise my thoughts...
Thank you to all for taking a few minutes of your lives and letting me know you are around and not dead from the boredom of my blog. :) 
I do know and understand that life takes precedence over blog reading and commenting... honest i do :)
Have a happy thursday and maybe i will have some time in a few days to sort my thoughts and type them out... Bradley is spending the night with grandma and papa so I doubt we will be seeing you tonight :)

sniffs pitts....

cant help but wonder... do I have BO? have I finally bored all my faithful readers to death??? for the first time since I started my blog and actually had people read it I have gone 2 days with a new post with NO comments... Sniff sniff... I think I might get a complex :D  

company and kids

in my last post I had Brenner and Bradley and Halo... well on that same day Great Aunt Nancy (my sister in law/ brenners grandma) came to pick Brenner up after Kerries endoscope and to visit Halo... hummm come to think of it TO MEET HALO as she had not seen her yet. Halo was not really interested in waking up for long she had been up with the boys and I and was tired so she conked out.

 today we had some other company My best friend and her daughter are up from Florida visiting her father and they popped in to see Halo and Bradley... and we all KNOW Bradley Loves the camera :)

 Kylie loves babies and had to have a turn feeding Halo

 and Bradley being his cute little self.... had to have a picture taken....

 My best friend Jeanette had to have some baby sugars and we discussed how we enjoyed our kids as babies LOL... Kylie is her 3rd and youngest ... Jon is a couple months older than Martha and Matt falls just behind them. Our kids have been friends since the womb :)   The boys did not come up this trip.

 Uncle Cory came to pick up Bradley this evening and got to have some baby time...Halo was quite content to snuggle with him.

 Aunt Stephie had to do some chatting with Halo too...

 and Bradley has to help feed Halo... and Himself...

Bradley had to give Halo a bunch of sugars, Cory and Stephanie had not really seen him interact with her as they are usually at work when I have the kids here together and miss all the fun... he is sooooooo sweet with her.

 Halo will smile but of course not for the camera ... yet... her's a pretty girl, Bradley says BABY and hunts her as soon as he comes through the door... he has to go check her room then comes back with his hands in the air if she is not in there...

 I think the dill pickle was a bit on the sour side... maybe....

 papa and Bradley were thinking something up.....

and guess what.... monday and tuesday school is out... and Bradley Stays with his other grandma... and I think I will GO SHOPPING and get my hair cut (Stephanie will cut it for me at her school :) and who knows I might just run around the house nakid... oh never mind I do that anyway when the mood hits LOL..Its been unseasonably warm here... inthe 80's we turned the A/C on saturday and have had windows open at night!!! ok ok ok I will shut up for all my frozen friends.... Hope you have had a great weekend and a wonderful week ahead! :D

I am EXHAUSTED ...

today I had my great nephew Brenner (I adore this kid he is simply one of the best boys ever) and Bradley who also loves Brenner and Halo.  These boys PLAYED so hard all day!

they are Kings of papa's dirt mounds!

 up and down the hill they went

 I'm comming to get you grandma, you have the camera out... and we all know I LOVE The  camera

 I won't fall... (says Bradley) then...

 then he shows us how to FALL with style!

 and gets right back up laughing....

 and goes right back up the hill...

 Seee Grandma I am fine.... CHEESE....

 Halo came out side with us... she was very interested in the boys and they were in her too...

 Stink EYE at 7 weeks and one day....

 hey beautiful, big eyed baby girl... Grandma loves you.

 You have  such a sweet voice and coo so much  when you want to...

 oops bobble head baby LOL

 I gonna get you grandma.... specially after you take me to the dr tomorrow and let them stick my heel...

But Grandma loves you halo :) so do those boys they are so proud that they got to hold you and love on you today... bradley even said Halo... one time :)

I got

Nothin....

another weekend recap ... valentines day 11

Bradley plays the piano every time he is here ...he has gotten so darn tall he can play with out climbing onto the bench

 he wanted to hold my camera... but grandma has to stay strong and keep to her no.

 Mikes been working on the house ... A LOT... I  am LOVING all he's managed to get done.  the blocks on the left are now stuccoed and will be painted soon

 tonight I made these "Katherine Hepburn Brownies"  they are delish

 I have no patience and burnt my tongue on this piece...  but have mercy... had to have another later on...

 Halo was watching the tv... she likes the celing fans too...

 these clouds were amazing... the picture absolutely does not come close to doing them justice

 Halo loves to hold on to grandma when shes napping, she was taking a break from her bottle but so darn cute at it :)

I ao so very much loving my new wireless printer and flat screen monitor for my desktop (michael got the monitor for me free) love that price and I got the printer at staples for 50 bucks... cant beat that for a 149.00 printer :)
well hope you all had a wonderful Valentines day and if you are lucky like us are having wonderful weather!!!!!  TaTa for now!!!!

just thinking.... and other junk

i was just thinking how things we type are not always taken in the tone they are ment...for example I made a status post on facebook and it was totally taken not how i ment it... it was nothing big nothing life shattering nothing even important... cause nothing I put on facebook is... ever, thats just not the format or place for serious stuff.... anyway ... I had written a long clarifying statement then deleted it as it was probably more confusing than the original status... GAH.

Yesterday was FUN Schlena and I went out to lunch, to the village deli in Augusta and it was good,  not amazing but good...and we enjoyed it... then we went to staples so I could pick up some cables, Michael and I have been wanting to make our 46 inch tv the screen for the computer... and while there I got a new printer /scanner/ copier/ fax machine, a wireless one!! ... a cannon for 53 bucks... it was on sale and the display model so I got a good deal.... now to figure out how to hook that bad boy up!!!

After that we went across the street to the movies and saw Gnomeo and Juliet,  It was Hysterical and not really a kids show in my book... but anyway (hence the mess on facebook LOL)

after that we sat and played catch up and made our plans for my annual Missouri trip :) YES if all goes as planned Schlena will be going with me again (she went 5 years ago) and we had a ball even with all we had to do that trip.  So I am getting excited again about driving across the country for a week with HER! :)
I let MJ know already that I will not be taking any kids or grand kids  (I did ask her about going and she decided she could not miss work that week) anyway asked Cory and Stephanie too and they cant either ....

we tried hooking the tv /computer up and came to the realisation that they were not the right cords so... I took off back to staples to return them and to get the right ones and to pick up some chicken and a gallon of milk... finally about 10 pm we got it done... had supper and got our showers then next thing we knew it was 1 30 am ... I headed to bed... Had Halo for a bit today and bradley too... Mike has picked up the princess and bradley has finally conked out...

in other news... My Grandma is 95 years old, shes been in a nursing home for several years and has dementia, my aunt called Friday and said they are pretty sure that she had a stroke, shes not known who we are for a long time and this is a hard slow progression for families to go through... I will miss my Grandma, but it simply is to another degree as I have missed her for many years.... if that makes sense to ya'll.  I hope that my dads family comes to this realisation and are able to celebrate her life and not be so mournful when her life here is done... we will meet again in eternity :)

well I think I am ready to attempt to disconnect and remove the old scanner/ printer.... and see about hooking up the new one... oh MJ in case I forget to tell you I found your jump drive under the desk last night it is on the desk by the cups of pens... I have a bunch of pics to load so next week will have some good stuffs to share :)  until then ... Have a great Sunday!

more on valetines.

what prompted my last post was what i had read elsewhere  that told of all these things people SHOULD do and I found it absurd... like many of you we have never made a big deal of valentines day... we show our love daily with notes, letters, words and actions... I do HOWEVER like to get some of the candies that we like AFTER when it is marked way down and is probably much closer to what it is actually worth and stick it in the freezer so we can pull it out when ever we want... I got like 6 of the huge heart boxes with pretty designs and GOOD candy (some are not worth a poot) a couple years back and we ate on them for 6 months LOL....occasionlly if the mood hits we might get each other a card or something but even that is not necessary... I think that like christmas valentines is a big commercial hot mess and if I can only show my hunny how I feel on that one day... then I dont think I  feel much for him... there is NOT a day that goes by that we do not express our love... there is not a day that starts without a kiss and an I love you... or a night that ends without it... ok in 24 years there has been some nights when we neglected that due to a fight or something ... but it has never gone more than a day or two...I am blessed with the best husband on the planet (no offense to your hunnys or you men that come here but, I am biased of course) my husband supports me in every way and thats not to say he is a push over or anything because he also lets me know in a hurry if he thinks something is not how he feels it should be... But after 24 years together I am just so greatful that God made this man and I know he was made just for me ... :)   Happy Valentines day yall :) 

valentines day is coming

and I am curious as to what you and your other half do to "celebrate" it?

please do tell me :)  I can't wait to hear your thoughts and ideas !

I am tired

I need a break, I don't care to fight, I was told so many years ago... this little diddy....

If you love someone let them go,
If they come back to you they are yours,
If they don't they never were.

There are some things that have to be resolved in my life and some things that need to be settled. 

clarification of abandonment

a·ban·don

¹   /əˈbændən/[uh-ban-duhn]

–verb (used with object)

1.

to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to abandon one's farm; to abandon a child; to abandon a sinking ship.

2.

to give up; discontinue; withdraw from: to abandon a research project; to abandon hopes for a stage career.

3.

to give up the control of: to abandon a city to an enemy army.

4.

to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation; give (oneself) over to natural impulses, usually without self-control: to abandon oneself to grief.

5.

Law . to cast away, leave, or desert, as property or a child.

6.

Insurance . to relinquish (insured property) to the underwriter in case of partial loss, thus enabling the insured to claim a total loss.

7.

Obsolete . to banish.

Oh where to begin this post... HA guess i have already begun? began? STARTED it haven't I?

Today, in the midst of a ummmm what started as a conversation, and ended in ... well hell i am not sure what exactly it ended in or if it has even ended.... but anyway in the midst of it Martha Jean informed me that Her father and I abandonded her.... REALLY??? SERIOUSLY??? when ??? how can we abandon you when we were the over protective, demanding, mean, controlling people you say we are?  

lets address each definition and see where we abandoned you...  

1.

to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to abandon one's farm; to abandon a child; to abandon a sinking ship.

to leave.... we have been here at 832 for 24 years.... you are 19... nope we have not left.   to forsake... ummm nope again.... desert... we do NOT agree with the choices you have made in life since the night you came home and announced to us that you were leaving our home our protection our lives to go fly on your own... oh excuse me ... to ROAR cause you are woman and you are a major now.  so NOPE no desert here.

2.

to give up; discontinue; withdraw from: to abandon a research project; to abandon hopes for a stage career.

to give up... well in words I say I have given up but reality is nope I have not given up on you. cause IF i give up on you then I WILL dissassociate myself from you and never have anything to ever do with you again... you will then be dead to me.  and, seeing as how I love you even when I dont really like you much... I just dont see that ever happening.  do you realise how lucky you are? i nor, your father have not totally given up on you, we have not discontinued to try to help you and I have not withdrawn from you, to some extent your dad has withdrawn from you because he loves you enough to say nothing instead of being like me and continuing to speak to someone who is not going to listen or believe anything he has to say. 

3.

to give up the control of: to abandon a city to an enemy army.

HEY WE MAY HAVE SOMETHING HERE!!!!!! at the age of 18 I certianly have given up some of the control of you!!!  At the age of 18 under the LAWS of our country you are now considered an ADULT and you are then IN THE EYES OF THE LAW considered responsible for your actions and decisions and HOPEFULLY in the previous 18 years I have given you the tools and knowledge to live your life as a productive citizen.  I honestly dont believe I HAVE ANY CONTROL over you HOWEVER, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU I WILL ALWAYS VOICE MY OPINIONS AND WILL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK and as AN ADULT you should be able to accept that, especially when YOU are the one who starts the conversation or brings up a subject....yes I realise i can be harsh and cold and downright mean... Sorry I called you a bitch but if the shoe fits... when i was younger than you I was taught to be true to myself and I wont change that part of me for anyone. sorry.

4.

to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation; give (oneself) over to natural impulses, usually without self-control: to abandon oneself to grief.

I think people in our family calls this a MELTDOWN... I dont think it applies to this situation any more... I had my meltdowns over you right after you chose to leave home at 18 years and one day short of one month old. I cried myself to sleep for many nights and worried about what who and where you were, and if you were ok and going to be ok ect.  then I decided that HOPEFULLY I had given you the right tools and the right beliefs and the right belief in yourself that you would just have to deal with the consequences of your decisions and that I would be here to help in any way I can.

5.
Law . to cast away, leave, or desert, as property or a child.

again... nope has not happened
6.
Insurance . to relinquish (insured property) to the underwriter in case of partial loss, thus enabling the insured to claim a total loss.

you are not a car that has been wrecked and has to be given over to the insurance company in order to recieve the settlement check... so again... no has not happened.  and I STILL dont  see you as a total loss. 

7.
Obsolete . to banish.

ummmm no you have not been banished from my life my home my heart my mind or my soul... and i cant imagine anything in life that you could do that would cause that... but, that does not give you the right to try to push my boundaries and test me at ever damn turn.  cause you see i think at times that the reason you are such a bitch to me and you carry on the ways you do to me is because deep down in your soul you know that no matter what I will always love you... but again... dont push too hard it is not worth it.  you need to remember that I come from THREE  of the coldest hardest women alive (dads present wife is NOT included in the three)... and they taught me well, it has been one hell of a struggle and tons of work for your dad to break through my walls and for me to change what I WAS TAUGHT by my MOTHERS!~

and since this is so freakin ludacrus I can't even be mad...but NEVER EVER try that stupid crap on me again... you are not nor have you ever been abandoned dear daughter of mine. I do what I do for you, and for Halo because I WANT to and that is THE ONLY reason I do them.  NO ONE has forced me to do anything I did not want to and no one will ever. 

YOU are very wrong to accuse me and your dad of TRYING to take Halo from her father and you, we have not ever nor will we ever unless there is  one hell of a good reason and proof that she needs to be taken from you.  DOES THAT MEAN that I will always agree with what you do  or how you do it... NOPE but voicing my opinion to you does not constitute what you are accusing ...

 

AS for your "feelings" and your 'what about you" statement... I care and I am concerned but, my hands are tied I can only do so much to help you and for what its worth there is only so much I am even willing to do.  YOU have to grow up and be the adult you want everyone to see you as and to take responsibility for your actions and decisions... in the bible it is called accountability.  you want to be 19 a senior in high school and free to do what ever you want when you are not in school or working, yet you chose to have a baby and now you are a mommy who is 100% responsible for another life and weather you understand this yet or not ... you OWE her the very best you can give her and do for her and BOTH you and Mike have to realise and understand that. 

 

Do you understand that the freedom you so desired is not free and when you have someone who is totally dependant on you that the noose of responsibility gets tighter and you have even less freedom than ever?  I have told you forever that I have wanted things and to do things and because I chose to have kids many of those I could not do... but I decided it was more important for you and your brother to have and do than for me to have and do.  AND I DO NOT REGRET ONE SECOND OF THAT DECISION.  TODAY I CHOOSE to do for my grand kids and to do without things I could be doing or have because in my 43 stupid years I have learned that PEOPLE are so much more important than those things and that TIME goes by too fast and way too soon those people are grown and off on their own to fly or fall as they see fit. 

 

and like the mess that started this all I am not sure how to end it so am just gonna end with this... I love you daughter you are the brightest light with the most potential of anyone I have ever seen... so please be true to YOU.