New years Eve

Well I have spent 10 hours off and on between life and house and bradley and sleep, sorting and going through photos... I MAYBE have half done.

I am sorting them by year... I have what feels like MILLIONS of the plants and fish... SOMEDAY I may decided to delete some MANY ... ALL of the crappy shots lol.

We had Bradley yesterday... that boy... oh dear.

 He had pancakes for breakfast, Pizza for late lunch...and he managed to get it all over his face and hands... He said it was really really good.

 He does not stop playing angry Birds even when falling over...

 He will play until the battery is dead

and he does love the trampoline... he wanted to jump while playing angry birds but I would not let him... and I totally neglected to get a picture of what he brought over.... HE HAS A CLOTHES BASKET FULL of angry bird pillows and toys... the cutest matchbox angry birds cars!   the kid is a hoot.

Well, I must go to the store and get some collards.
and a few other things....
I hope you have a wonderful New year and that 2013 is much better than 2012 ! 
Love and hugs!

50000 photos saved to external drive

yes I have managed thanks to one of Martha's friends to figure out the external back up thingy I had bought YEARS ago and tried and failed to use so had just stuck it in a corner....took Jo all of 3 minutes and two of that was dusting it I do believe ...to have it up and running...

so now to go into it and sort and see and relive those memories... mike and i looked at about 1300 pictures last night... it was really wild to see things from 2003 when I got my first digital camera .... it was a PEN camera that I actually had bought so I could see on the web with my friends... but it took still pictures too and was 1.5 mega pixels... it did not take me too long to graduate to a 3 mp Fuji camera ... then a few years later to Kodak,  then another Kodak and now to a Nikon :)  I can see many  many improvements in my photography and ... good lord my fish REALLY have been photographed more than MADONNA lol.

Bradley will be here in a little while.... Cory and Stephanie are giving themselves a MONTH to see if they can start some major changes in their lives... I am more hopeful than in the past.... so we will pray that they make the changes they need to stick together and make their lives work :)

Martha sent me some really cute pictures of halo opening her B day presents... I'm not positive how to load from my phone to blogger.... maybe I can swipe one off her facebook but, since she is not my friend on FB I don't know.

It took Mike and I 3 stops yesterday to get the WIRES we needed for the DVD Blue ray surround sound thingy... and we need one more as I decided in my sleep that  I do not want to deal with wireless and would rather have a LAN line ...If you know what I am speaking of... BLESS YOU... if you don't don't worry ... I kinda sort of do LOL

this is one of my favorite of all time OLD pictures... I was 5 months pregnant with Cory (26 years ago) and we had gone to Charleston... we had so much fun back then :)    * Me , MOM, and Mike*

well have tons to accomplish... hope you have a wonderful day maybe I will get these photos sorted by year sometime today :)

Well, I Tried!

OMG I tried to use google chrome...
I am so confused and discombobulated!!!
I could not find me, yet it said I was me and was there signed in and everything yet,
I was not there and it wanted me to merge me with me and,
I RAN right back to the blue E

I am well and truely scared...

I spent 4 hours last night loading 34 GB of photos from my lap top (and it missed 9 months of 2012 pics) to the verizon backup assistant/ cloud thingy ... only to be told that I would have to pay 6 dollars a month to use it... I ALREADY PAY  $145.00 a month for our contracted service... So needless to say ... I ain't.

I already also pay picassa which I do know how to use and have used for years so....

I burned all 16 thousand pics that are on JUST this lap top, that does not include THE BL (before laptop) photos...

I NEED a better way to organise label and store my photos...

I can load disc after disc but for me to seek out one particular photo... I AM SCREWED... If I dont know EXACTLY WHEN it was taken... then odds of me finding it WHEN I WANT IT... are pretty much ZERO.

I ordered some ADORABLE prints from Wally mart they should come soon.

I gave people (who live close) a BAGGY with pancake mix and spiced pears to go on them for christmas... Apparently they were well liked... I know we have enjoyed them .

Michael and I went to the UPS store they would only ship ONE of the canners as sears had only sent one lable (the weight on the lable would cover both) yet they wanted to charge me an arm and leg to put them in a box.... I suggested taping them together and OH NO that won't work... so it came home with us... WHAT A PITA!

we also went to sams.... walked around had a SHORT list of things we were out of... Ended up getting a huge pile of meats which is ok as we were really getting low and I only buy meats once every couple months. 

Need to buy some collards today, for new years day.

TODAY OUR BABY GIRL IS 2!!!!
in this picture she was 2 HOURS old :)

 love this pic of her, it is sooooo perfect a photo of her and I LOVE that HAIR ... it is a wild thing to be shocked and amazed by.... I have had so many perms over my life time trying to achieve what she will one day HATE! lol
we are not sure what exactly Bradley was doing or thinking but he did have all the critters captured :) *long story there*

What you want the short version of the story??? really  LOL ok ask and ye shall recieve.
Halo has this stuffed kitty (the lighter black one he is holding)  HE LOVES that stupid kitty...
WE searched the WORLD over for one just like HER kitty... Amazon had ONE, SERIOUSLY ONE identical to hers... for 32 DOLLARS!!! plus shipping and handeling... it is a TY purrrralishious (not sure I have spelled that correctly) from 1992 that we KNOW was bought for 10 dollars or less when Halo was much younger... and of course no one knows exactly Who bought it or WHERE they bought it ...She loves "keys" as she calls it and sleeps with it every night.

anyway... I found the dark black dog... and his momma found the two tone brown kitty... both of whom he likes ... but HE still took hers and hid it

can we say BUSTED as he was shoving his and HER kitty under the cabinet so he could open his presents....he cried when he had to let martha take it and load it along with halos other things... Those two really miss each other... sigh.

I have not heard anything from cory or stephanie so... heres to praying and hoping they decide to work things out then 200% go for it.

well... have sneezed so flipping hard that I must go shower :|   have a wonderful day!

and please dont die of shock... I have really Blogged four days in a row : D

what day of the week is it?

ok it is a Friday... and 450 I am wide awake again.
Apparently Deb and Chris were calling out to me :)  love you ladies by the way.

That is my fav pic of the season I have some others that are cute but that is ... just totally Bradley and Halo.

Yes, Martha took Halo back to florida christmas evening.  she says we can have her back for a while in the summer time.  She also says that is 2014 she is moving to colorado and we can have her for a couple months then.  so as things go now we will be long distance grandparents.  and as long as Halo is being taken care of and blah blah we can deal with that... We don't get to choose in this situation and it is ok.  I am TRYING to be positive and It would be so much easier to do if Martha told the truth to us ...

Cory and Stephanie met last night, to talk and hopefully set some rules, make some plans, decide if she is totally done... I dont know the outcome but am sure they will tell me when they are ready...I hope they can work out their problems and really make the needed changes to make their lives together work.

I talked to the nurse at the nursing home, she called to tell me that mother was having some serious DT's and withdrawels from the vicoden and that the dr DID agree to totally put her back on it.  Mother also admitted to being a RX drug addict ... which I already knew ... she has been on something for pain for as long as I can recall... and has always taken a lot of medications.   I can remember one trip that she came down to visit many years ago and I actually have the suitcase... it is about as big as a hat box shaped like a teardrop ... anyway it was jam packed FULL of medicines plus she took all the tylenol and motrin that i had in my house... they told her she has some liver damage... shes telling everyone that the hospital told her it was caused by second hand smoke ... Mother was never around much smoke in her life but has taken enough medications in excess to make a drunk look sober.  I digress ... I apologise.

anyway... it is safe to say that mother is not doing great she is STILL declining and if she were a cat I'd swear her 13 lives have been used up.... she will out live us all  probably, because it is apparent that God knows she is not ready for him and the devil is scared shitless of her.  OH DEAR I am digressing again.

I wallowed in self pity all day / evening / night yesterday and I am done with that... time to carry on ... have big plans with mike today... he has a dr appt at 9 i think it is then we must go to the UPS drop store and get these extra pressure canners sent back to sears... I think I told you abotu them sending THREE of them.  then, we are going to sams I have a SHORT list of things I need.  and then I think we are going to work on setting up the DVD surround sound thingy I got us from santa :)  we had one ages ago; it died. the placement and hiding of wiring is a pain in the butt and requires some thought ...

I have some photos to edit and to decide on which to print off... so am about to do that now :)  and I MUST find that darn resume... and I think i know right where I put it ... in my cookbooks LOL... yeah my mind is a bit twisted ... but it just hit me.  I am 99%  sure thats where it is and I had put them in a cabinet for the holidays and had decorated my dry bar with a little 12 inch tree for the kids.

well ladies I am greatful that after all these months you still come around this ole blog and put up with my venting as it is the only thing keeping me at my regular level of insanity.
love hugs and time to carry on .

just when you thought....

Well.... today marks 3 years since Martha chose to leave home. 

Yesterday, Stephanie left Cory.

I am deciding that December is banned.... except for all persons under the age of ... ohhh 5 for now.  will increase the age limit as Bradley and Halo age....

My mother MOM is totally and truely addicted to prescription pain meds and has been for 40 years or more... we are attempting to wean her off in hopes of diverting another stomach /intestine shutdown. 

my step mother... I have been asked to hold off on telling all that I know until test results are in and confirmed... but it could be very very good or very very bad... so for now we pray...


I love.  LOVE...really get a kick out of angry birds.

I tried to turn the tv down last night so it would not wake Halo... then felt sad and stupid realising she cant hear it.  sigh.

I am finally mentally ready to go back to work... it may be all that saves me.

I will be getting my resume straight today... if i can remember where the hell i put it.  GAH

Jordan and I took Halo to see santa and yes for anyone who wants or needs to know I have the copyright release and can post and print her pictures if I want.
 totally not sure why this one loaded sidewise and have not yet figured out how the heck to turn it but at first halo did not want to sit there alone and  as you can see above she would not smile when she did agree to sit.

 I took all the christmas decor down and put it away for another year.... yesterday, felt a hell of a lot better to not see that crap when all the reason I put it up is not here anymore.... POOR ME...

Speaking of pour me LOL... Stephanies papa T makes a very strong egg nog, I got a cup not realising it was laced very heavily with burbon took a huge gulp and nearly shot it out my nose... I poured the rest of the cup down the sink when he was not looking :) he is a nice older guy and I would not want to hurt his feelings...

I did not clean out halos room yet... I just shut the door... Have not finished the toy/bradleys room yet... have been purging old toys to make room for the new... MAYBE will do that today... or maybe will crawl in the bed... NO, bones hurt too much to stay there... I need to go to the ups store and get the sears mess straight today...

but for now i must get some more coffee and wish you a Happy Dec 27th...

Post Christmas Depression

and so the depression  begins...

Christmas was pretty drama less(which is a very very good thing)...Martha came over a bit after three, no real mention was made of the night before and the BS that it entailed.  Cory, Stephanie, and Bradley came shortly there after and by 530 all of them had left...maybe it was 6, I don't know, anyway... this rain is something else it has been pouring for over a day and is expected to continue for several more... My arthritic shoulders are killing me... I cant sleep or if I do sleep its not good sleep.

 Halo Got right into  unwrapping :)

 and Having some sugar for breakfast

 and for lunch we had an assortment of amazing smoked meats, mac and cheese, Greenbeans (not in the pic) bread pudding and deviled eggs ... it was delish :)

 Papa kept the paper and trash chaos to a minimum

 Bradley kept close watch on HIS and Halos stuffed pets

 Jordan came to see martha for a minute before she left... and to love on halo she is very faithful to Halo and a wonderful person.

It appears that I need to be calling ups to come pick up the stuff I bought for us for Christmas as sears bungled ... I ordered ONE pressure canner received THREE so TWO need to go back... Indian woman sent ONE return shipping label... TOLD her there are THREE separate boxes and TWO need to go ...sigh.

the blue ray surround sound SAID it is wireless but, it has wires for the speakers... so it needs to go back.

And did I mention the rain??? it is really flooding out there will be interesting to see how badly things have washed with all the work mike has been doing in the back.

I need to retype and update my resume 2013 and it is back to work for me.  I am drowning in medical bill debt.

the nursing home called last night, early evening... just after the kids had all left... somehow mother was sent back to them with no pain medication order and they were having trouble getting one... so I called the on call dr and with in a minute had him calling them placing the order... he was very nice.  So I guess she will be feeling better and they will not be going nuts dealing with her withdrawals and pain and above and beyond normal complaining.... I sort of feel bad I have not actually spoken to her since thanksgiving... have spoken through nurses ect but, that's how life goes.

Step mom is feeling a little better she is very very weak which is totally expected after all shes been through. I hope this place she is at (supposed to be the best for  rehab) really does good for her.  My father needs her as does Jordan.  Will just hope and pray she does well.

Hope you all had the merriest of Christmases and Have a happy relaxing rest of the year! :)

Merry Christmas Vent

Oh Hush I Know I have not blogged since April,  I am sorry. 
First I would like to wish all who read this a Merry Christmas!

And, Issue a warning... RUN NOW the rest of this is a vent/ bitch session that I don't care how many years it takes for the proper people to read but, When they finally do I hope they grow the hell up and realise that MY LIFE and MY FRIENDS lives do NOT revolve around them.

Ok here's the deal, Oct 29th Cory and I drove to Florida to get Martha and Halo.

2 days before thanksgiving Martha hopped on a bus to go back to Florida.

Halo has been here with us and we have totally enjoyed her. She is the most fun, funny baby.

The situation WHAT EVER it is in Florida is not a great one for Halo as things are too unstable.  Martha is not YET where she needs to be to be able to do all she needs to do for her child.

HOWEVER,
I refuse to keep Halo from Martha, WHICH HAS BEEN SUGGESTED MANY TIMES....

SO
fast forward to yesterday.  Christmas eve 2012

Martha managed to rent a car and heads up here... on a good day with no traffic fastest time to drive it is 7 hours (according to mikes mom) when Cory and I drove it it took us 10 hours one way.

ANYWAY... at 9 pm Martha texts me says they are in Augusta she is dropping him off, going to see a friend, then will be here.

At 10 30 ish I get a text from a friend (wont say if it was MY friend or HER friend or perhaps even one of Lori's friends...telling me that they thought Martha was coming to see/ take Halo what the F is she doing in Augusta at Denney's with Lori?

to which I reply, well she is her aunt and they are talking again so maybe they met up.
to which the person says Oh ... I'm sorry.

so at 11 ish I ask Martha when she plans to come to the house as it is getting late and we are tired.
I get told that i am trying to argue...

finally decided to tell her that I know shes with Lori and I don't care that I hate she feels the need to lie that she could have come seen Halo and gone out all night would have been fine as she is grown.

to which I get a bunch of texts basically saying she knows I stalk facebook and how I failed her test (totally a Lori line) to which I again tell her I don't care who / where / when shes with  anyone as she is grown but since she is planning on staying at my house she needs to respect me and it....

so on and on the shit goes.

BUT my point is this....
I really do not care who she is with , where she lives, what she does as SHE IS GROWN and has to make her own choices and LIVE with the things that happen from those choices... MY CONCERN, MY CARE, MY HEART is WITH HALO and YES I am very concerned with Martha dragging Halo back to Florida when she is not in a stable home does  not have a car does not have medical insurance for Halo.... and IF all of that makes me a bad MOTHER/ GRANDMOTHER then YES I AM BAD.

So that being vented ... NO Martha did not come stay at my house but, will come sometime today and take Halo and that will be Christmas. 

You know I have missed Venting On my blog but, I truly have not felt like taking the time to bore everyone to death with my life and the BS that goes on in it and I really do believe that if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing and I HAVE NOT HAD MUCH NICE TO SAY FOR A LONG TIME....

I do have a lot of news however so will  hit those things

My step mother Jeannie has been in the ICU for a month, Thursday she was taken to an acute long term care facility.  Jeannie is 62 not 65 like i thought... Yesterday at St Anthony's Hospital in St Louis they DRAINED 1/2 gallon plus a pint of fluid off Jeannie's lungs!!! they did a cat scan and x rays and were supposed to do a sonogram... Dad (is 76) says he thinks she will go home in 2 weeks... I don't see how... then he says I don't think my insurance will pay for longer.... WHAT THE F U C K!  so for all you pray'ers out there PRAY HARD for THEM that she does get her miracle and goes home healthier and takes much better care of herself in the future.
their car wreck from the Friday after thanksgiving, still has not been settled ...(the wreck and her being in the hospital are NOT related)

My mother Jean (yeah I know confusing) better known as MOM or the woman who adopted me / raised me blah blah... who lives in Hannibal has also been in the hospital... HER STOMACH WENT TO SLEEP  and stopped working... she has had her intestines go to sleep before so ... this falls under the nothing surprises me much other than how this woman who has visited deaths door more times than I can count is still living.  She went back to the nursing home yesterday (Christmas eve) she did not want to go as she gets  a lot more attention in the hospital.

My baby cousin Todd (hes grown and has his own child) but he is the youngest of the 5 grands on my dads side... is taking a new chemo supposed to have really bad side effects, he is feeling good not having the side effects at all so those prayers are being answered... now for the chemo to  get rid of the cancer!

Cory is an EMT now he does double duty no triple duty he dispatches, he does 911 calls and he does transports and specials... he works all the time and mostly LOVES his career change... I am glad he is not working as a police man any more... it is really really a dangerous and scary job! 

Stephanie got her Cosmetology license and is working at the ummm what do you call high class hoity toity cost a lot but get of hell of a hair job place ... anyway she loves it and still does work at the restaurant a few days a week too...

Bradley... OH what a doll he is growing up so fast but is such a loving boy, when he is not being a little turd.... he is 3 this year and very excited to see Santa clause come.  He is going to speech therapy and really doing good, there are still times when he is excited and gets to speed talking and I have to tell him SLOW DOWN GRANDMA CANT HEAR THAT FAST!  

He and Halo OH MY WORD so funny together, Jo took some fantastic pictures of them two days ago so when I get them from her will Post them, she is a pro FOR REAL :)

Halo well that kid is  growing like a little weed and talking up a storm and so freakin cute and loving... she walks around saying I LOVE I LOVE  I Love PAPA, or Granma or ELMO or Blankie or cookie it is sooooo cute.  She loves it here loves her routine.  how many babies do you know will stop playing grab her toys and blankie tell you night night and go to her room ON  TIME for her nap or at night??? she is pretty consistent about it and cracks me up often...
She is fiercely independent and opinionated... IMAGINE that... and yes we will go crazier with worry about her and will miss her something awful but, hopefully it will not be long till she comes back to see us.

As for ME, The retina specialest (I went the 19th) says my eye is as good as it is going to get and to protect my GOOD eye ... What i can see I see fine what I can not see simply ... there is nothing there so the optic nerve damage is perminant.  I go back in a year.  I do however need new glasses so will be going one day in the next few weeks and get that taken care of. 

The Infectious diease dr, Still has me taking antibotics IT HAS BEEN A FULL YEAR now... 600 mg azithromycin a day... he says, KEEP TAKING THEM... at least another 6 months maybe longer. He says we have stopped the diease process but we are in uncharted territory and he wants to make sure this never comes back or comes to my right eye... I Agree. 

The neurologist I need to call ... and adjust my meds they LYRICA is a wonder drug for me but is INSANELY expensive... I dont go see her till june I think.

the Endocrine dr is simply HAPPY with me and how I am doing she is tickled pink over a lot of stuff and a really wonderful woman. I dont see again her till summer.

I have been teaching my self to can ... with some early morning phone calls to my cooking pals for help and advice... LOVE you PALs!   I made spiced pears, Pickled watermellon rinds, Lime pickles, and green beans. I also put up white acre peas, lima beans, Corn and pink eye peas ... for Christmas I wanted and got a pressure canner for the things that need higher temps ... am excited to get to try it out . 

anyway IF you have read all this BLESS YOU and Love YOU. Merry Christmas and I promise to TRY To be a better blogger!

Its wednesday.... who knew

I am not really liking this new blogger set up, I know its supposed to be so much easier and more organised but, to me its a royal pain in the butt.  I will adjust eventually but for now not liking it so much...

I had a moment last night where I was watching Michael playing with Halo where I had to wonder what others find the most appealing in a man... I do believe I found it in Michael ...
the photo speaks for itself.

Have a blessed day, God bless you and keep you until we meet again.

wow now i must learn this new thing.... it will be ok
In time.

mike has built the kids a new play area that sits between the pond and where the pool will be... I LOVE IT, the kids love it. Halo fights to stay out side. 
Bradley does too.
We are all well and I will eventually get back into blogging right now i am simply uninspired so taking an obvious break.
love n hugs
God bless you and keep you :)

Im sorry

I have had to put the word verifications back on as the spam comments are over the top...

Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter.

HE IS RISEN!!!!!!

need to clarify... again.

I feel the need to clarify ... again.

I have had the enlightening moment of realising that I am my own worst enemy.

I have always been one to put it all out there, I don't have many secrets, in fact there are maybe 2 that Iwill never tell anyone... but those are my business.... other than those things I pretty much don't have an off limits button. 
HOWEVER, I have been made to realise and understand that I dont always paint the WHOLE picture and because this is a public blog, sometimes the picture is cloudy or unclear and therefore people who do care and who follow dont get it.  
I am sorry because that is my fault because at times I am single minded in what I am writing and therefore can become confusing to the ones who have stuck around and read.  (thank you to those who have stuck by me I hope you continue to because you are an important part of my life)

All that being said ...
this is who I am...
I am a happy, easygoing, laid back, caregiver.   I give my all when taking care of others... which is all of the time be it  family, friends, complete strangers, or patients.  I do at times neglect me.  and in doing that on occasion I get frustrated and aggrivated, but I have an outlet that I learned many many years ago and it works for me. 

way back in the days of old I kept a daily log, diary if you will, that I started when I was 17... It was a suggestion from a friend who was teaching me how to live... It started off as something simple called a gratitude list... each day I was to Thank God, and to list the things Iwas thankful for... Lemmie tell you in the beginning  there were many times that the ONLY thing I could write was THANK YOU GOD THAT THIS DAMN DAY IS DONE... in my most sarcastic writing of a 17 yr old mind.

In fact when I go back and read it I am quite amazed and how simple my life was back in the day... but thats not my point.  my point is that I wrote about life the good, the bad, the ugly and I learned that by writing it down I could LET IT GO and be ready to start fresh with a clean slate so to speak the next day, the next minute, hour, what ever it happend to be.

When I was in College one of my first classes (one of the best classes) and one that I totally remember, was an intro to college class, that teachers class should have been called teaching us how to live because that is in essence what she was doing.   Anyway She brought back to me something I had stopped because life with a baby had placed it on the back burner.  She made us journal... :)  

So many years back when life was more than I could bear someone, Beckie I think, told me about yahoo blogs and I was hooked for a couple reasons...

1. life was so overwhelming at the time I did not have time to process my feelings and emotions so I figured I would write about them and go back later and work through them.
2. I could add pictures to my writing!! a secret passion with the advent of affordable digital cameras.
LATER  came the wonderful thing that blogging has that nothing else does...FEEDBACK!!!

which brings me back to the reason for this post,  With feedback comes some wonderful things... others thoughts, ideas, advice, and most important to me, SUPPORT !

However, Several times I have VENTED, I am a certified venter by the way... when things are bad I vent about them, then I can let them GO and move on to the better things in life.  HOWEVER, I tend to forget that when I am venting I am not always very clear because my head is going 500 miles a second and my fingers simply cant keep up so a lot gets left out and you my dear SUPPORT group do not get the WHOLE picture.  FOR THAT I APOLOGISE.

Anyway back to the point of this post, I promise in the future to attempt to paint a clearer picture when I am venting and will warn you in advance that any given post is strictly a VENT SESSION. 

All that being said, I hope you all have a beautiful wonderful day and may God bless you and keep you until we meet again! 

bits of this and that...

I have realised i have not taken or posted any pics lately, with the death of the droid and reversion to the lg and impatiently waiting on the new droid to arrive.. I have not taken many pics.  I do apologise.

My friend Susan has a picture of this kid of eggs from pintrest on her facebook page (I do not do pintrest) I dont have time to add yet another thing to my schedule... but anyway I had to try to make these... and so I did and they were fun and purty and yummy!

 Halo was not happy to not be the center of attention... so she got my attention and a few pics of herself in the process... shes a pretty , happy, rotten  little thing :)

 She has tude... in so many ways is so like her mother , yet totally her own person too.  and yes she LOOKS just like her mother only her mother was a cotton head at this age.

 she is still a very, dont know the word i want... but Bradley Martha Cory were all very smiley  all the time babies ... not her.  so when she does finally smile and laugh it is a big deal... she still sometimes acts a bit confused not scared really when we have a big belly laugh like at a stupid movie or something.

 the other day, I had to laugh, Bradley runs around pantless, Halo shirtless... she woudl go nakie if I would let her... i am not at all suprised Cory ran in a t shirt for a couple years no pants especially during potty training time and martha was little houdini trying to keep clothing on her was insanely hard ... when its time to dress halo she has a pure laying screaming kicking fit....then once they are on shes fine... and on rare occasions she is ok with being dressed but most of the time ... its a battlefield (and I WIN)

 I have realised that my eye though seemingly stable is causing some of ,my pictures to be blurry (part is i need to take some classes on how to use my camera) but the other part is it looks right to me when i take it... but on the computer i see how far off It really is.  anyway... this is halo when ever I am trying to do anything.... I get you mawmaw.... and she comes wanting to be picked up to be a part of what ever I am doing or to plop in my lap or just be close ...

 Bradley balanced a ring on his head... she was amazed!

 She has this SWAGGER for lack of a better term it is HYSTERICAL to watch her when she has it going on her little shoulders swing from side to side and those legs stomp and her hips waggle it... totally cracks me up

 not exactly sure what this was about but thought it is classic!  lol

 she has about 5 play phones and her mothers old lg phone she is constantly on one of them jabbering away...

she keeps us laughing and shaking our heads... martha says it wont be long till they come get her... I am torn with that.. I know in my head she needs to be with her parents, and late at night when I am exhausted and she is wide open I really reallly want her to be with her parents, have toyed with the thought of drop kicking her to them for a brief second or two .... but then she wraps those itty arms around my neck and the thought passes....but thing is this... if they take her back to florida now with them then she will be spending a lot of time with a stranger who happens to be one of marthas best friends aunt (i am very glad that this woman lives there dont get me wrong) but she is still a stranger to a very attached to grandma little girl...and Halo is at the magical age where she is learning what is safe what is not and testing the waters in every way and knows that when things scare her or she needs reassurance that grandma is there.  For that alone i wish they would leave her a few more months.... that and martha needs to take advantage of the situation and get the money made to get her drivers liscense straight and a car before she ends up in flipping jail!  GAH.I have talked to her at length about it... and shes on the fence she misses halo... which i tell her is totally natural and halo misses her too but halo is young enough that when the time comes if martha is better ready and suited to give her the life she needs and deserves that halo wont be as upset at missing a few months with her parents and staying with her grandparents.   if that makes sense at all... it does to me... maybe i am rationalizing but, I want martha and mike to be able to do right by this child and to be able to drive without the fear of going to jail for driving without a liscense and ect ect plus them being over 8 hours away... well... that stinks but is life.

i have had some issues with my arms and hands... still am... they are numb and tingeling all the time now... dr said could be neuropathy could be carpal tunnel could be from the meds could be this could be that.... GAH drives me crazier... whats even crazier is dr did labs vit d was high (i was taking 50,000 Iud a day to get it up so not taking that for now.)   everything ELSE vites minerals all high normals!  very unusual for me but makes me happy!  

i am sure there is a lot more that is floating around in my head but my hands are saying they have had enough and the typos I am having to correct are sendign me over the top... so for now this is all.... may God bless you an keep you till we meet again.

Wednesday again already.

WOW time keeps on flying on by its crazy ...
it seems like i Blink once and another week has shot by and I missed it or something.
Halo is feeling much better, I had to laugh at her last night, her mother was texting me when she got off work so I decided to just call and see what Halo would do... she got on my lap and took over the phone talking to her momma, what was funny was her body language, she crossed her feet and had those toes going 90 miles and hour as she told her momma all shes been doing, then she hung up because she loves to mash buttons but promptly called her right back .... then tried to call and text a dozen other people. 
and of course when she hung up the third time I took my phone and she had a complete hissy fit which included throwing down in the floor holding her breath kicking and screaming so she got her jammers on and was put to bed where she crashed out! 

Bradley has some sharing issues he is at the stage where everything IS MINE!  and gets into some trouble taking things from halo, she is quick though and has learned that if she has something to run to grandma or papa and to get there fast the whole time either saying NONO NO or humm how do you spell it??? ut uhhh she reminds me of the kid on little rascals... uh huh only shes uh uhh

They are really too cute together and very busy... they keep me TIRED!

This new medicine the endocrine dr put me on seems to be doing ok I had one episode where it made me sick to my stomach... at least i think it was the med but that has not happened since.  I takes my appetite away but WHEN i do get hungry look out there best be something close by to eat right then or I get rather ill. the HUGE thing is I never know what i want (that was part of my problem before) now it is even worse.   I read a little cute thing that said if stress caused weight loss I would be a toothpick... well dang if thats not true.

I went by the local verizon store the other day... what a joke... they did not have ANYTHING i was interested in in the store and had no idea when they would... michael said you are going to have to go to the augusta store... I might get brave and do that today with halo... the augusta stores are always so dang crouded and the waits are forever... sigh

I am blathering on really about nothing procrastinating on getting halo up.... I have had my shower and well into my third cup of coffee. ;)   so Iguess i might as well suck it up and get going.
Hope you all have a wonderful 1st day of spring... it has skipped straight into summer here!  GAH!
God bless you and keep you till we meet again!

Sunday march 18th

Welp another week has FLOWN by, 
The low country boil was delish, but to me not as good as the last one... I was having stove issues and getting a bottle filled just did not happen in time to cook outside.
Halo is off visiting her other grandparents and should be home in a bit. :) miss the stinker but the house is clean again for a few minutes.
Michael and I discussed the phones issues and decided that we will go back through verizon and get new contracts.  His old phone is slowly dying hes only had it 12 years or so.... and since the last child will be  off our phones the end of april we can get a lower rate plan and do just fine, and since in my old age I am becoming more and more ummmm accident prone insurance on MY phone is a necessity...
who knows i might even get a little bit of trade in on my dead droid and back up phone LOL... sigh
seems like I had all kinds of stuff to chat about but, I dont recall now what it was so ... Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and may God bless you and keep you until we meet again!

what day is it again???

Oh yeah Wednesday the 14th of march...
Well both babies are still some what ill, Bradley's almost all better, Halo is still coughing a lot but is great about taking her medicine... and God help me MICHAEL is getting it. 
Tomorrow is Michael's Birthday he asked for a low country boil and banana pudding and of course Stephanie and Cory will come help eat it.

Papa and Bradley just went to take naps at 630 pm, Halo has a busy social calendar and is gone off to church with Jordan and her family... and i am trying to catch up on blogs :)

I went to the endocrine Dr today ... she was THRILLED with things... she did give me a new medicine in place of the glucophage... it is a combo drug to try and see how i do with it... she said she was very surprised at how my sugars are after i eat... and tickled pink even said she could tell it but, I have lost 8 pounds... I cant tell it.

she also ordered a bunch of labs and they drew them before i left.... she said you know I don't know how you do it but it is kind of funny in a sad way when you get to come to the Dr without kids... I had taken Halo to Stephanie and let her have a couple hours of 2 kids... she said Halo cried for about an hour... little rotten baby loves grandma. :)  was too cute when i got there to pick her and Bradley up they were sitting at Bradley's little table eating she threw those hands up and had to sit in my lap to finish eating.  Then we left, Bradley, Halo , and I and headed to get the stuff for papas birthday supper tomorrow. :)

on to the SAD news.... I knocked my phone my DROID into the sink the other day... Michael worked on it with the ait compressor and shop vac trying to get as much water out as possible... and it spent two days in a bag of rice... it comes on it would ring but the screen stays black... I think Its dead... I turned my old phone back on and I really MISS my DROID :(  anyone got an old verizon droid they dont want or use any more???? its the original moterolla with the slide out key pad.... I had not had this one long... 2 months i think.... and its the first phone I have ever drounded... and hopefully the last.  Sigh ... I can get one through verizon but I so badly do not want another 2 year contract... stephanies contract is up in april then we wont have ANY contracts with them and can decide what MICHAEL and I want to do as far as phones go because finally we wont have ANY kids on our lines... in fact we will simply have 2 lines .... he still has the same nokia from 12 or so years ago... and says he does not want a different or new phone.... but its getting hard to use at times as a couple buttons are sticking.  

anyway thats the most news i have for now.... I might try to sneak in a nap myself since these two are conked out and halo wont be home until after 9 :)

God bless you and keep you till we meet again.

I does not like...

when the babies are sick... Bradley came over monday with a cold or allergies or something lovely.... and by tuesday halo had the snotty nose too... shes not gotten any better so I took her to the clinic today... she has an ear infection... poor baby. 
her mother and father are coming up tomorrow and will be picking her up monday to visit while they are here getting their things to take back to Florida,  but unless something changes in the next few days, Halo will be staying with us for a while longer.
We dont know for how long and will just take things day by day.
DID YOU KNOW... I did not know this until today, that PUBLIX (a store I have mixed feelings about) gives AMOXICILLIN FREE?  well I am greatful that they do as Halo no longer has any medical coverage and the drs office was 70.00 so it helped to not have to pay even more for medication to make her feel better.
well I have lots more to write but no time to do it right now so thats the update for the day. :)
May God bless you and keep you until we meet again!

ugggggggggggg

it is 145 in the morning.... and BOTH kids are still awake... Halos in her bed talking to herself and Bradley is pouting because i have turned his movie off.   They are both ill, thank you for sharing bradley PLEASE what ever you do dont  share with papa.... PLEASE....
I am so beyond tired but there is no way in hell I can go to bed and go to sleep before they are asleep... it just does not work that way....
well i could type on and on and on but will spare you that and simply say I hope you are all sleeping and haveing sweet dreams ...
God bless you and keep you till we meet again.

1206 am

yeah halo and I are up... shes on a spree she has had a couple 30 minute naps today instead of her 3 to 4 hour usual... she is slap happy literally so I am ignoring her right now ...
just to clarify.... my blood sugar today when I did check it was 122 and I just rechecked it and its 134 so the dr wont be too upset ... I am sure she will increase the meds from twice a day to either three times or maybe increase the dose but, in all it is doing exactly what she expected and has come WAY down from a month ago... i am just not the good patient that I am at times with some things like i keep a notebook with all my drs stuff in it and they all love that then they can look and see what the other one has done ect... but this finger sticking crap well ... i am bad IF i remember to take it before i eat I just about never remember 2 hours after i eat... i try to remember to take the meds with food but sometimes after supper I forget for an hour or two then as soon as i remember i take them... i take the antibotic at night and thats part of the problem we dont have supper at the same time every night and if one or more babies need attention then well I get put on the back burner.... and thats ok... to a degree...  and for now blogging has to be put on the back burner as halo is working hard to get my attention.... so rest assured I am ok physically... mentally well thats debatable on any given day... and LAUREN if me being bad will get you down here... then I AM THE MOST NONCONPLIANT BAD UNCOOPERATIVE person alive and I NEED GUIDEANCE AND DICIPLINE... PLEASE COME SAVE ME FROM ME :)  
Love you all.  God bless you and keep you till We meet again!

Just a few moments ...

Well the other day we did not make it to 11 for lunch, Halo went back to bed at 9 am  and bradley went at 1030, I went a few minutes after he did so we had lunch at 130 when we woke up... it was quite the day of play and cooking and being worn out.

I have come to the realisation that you guys are brilliant and apparently I am quite transparent... and  I know my dr is not gonna be happy when I go back to her... well she won't be completely mad but, I find I forget to do what I am supposed to be doing as in checking blood sugars... and sometimes I forget for several hours to take meds... but, I get busy and I refuse to waste a second of time that I have to spend with Halo while shes here as I dont have any idea when they are coming back ... Martha said they plan to be back one day this coming week but, we simply dont know.   I am a wonderful caretaker... of EVERYONE else ...

Remember I said a couple post back that I got a phone call and a friend needed help?
well my longest bestest friend was flying into town but stuck in Atlanta at the moment and needed to be picked up at the airport when she arrived as he father had emergency surgery that morning and ... anyway I went at midnight to get her ...she was here all week and just go back to her home in Florida last night. 

Her dad is ok.

Stephanie called and said that Bradley is sick and if hes not better she will take him to the dr before bringing him here... he is due to be here tomorrow evening ... he comes monday and wednesday evenings and tuesday and thursday all day, now... so Halo and I have to get some shopping done tomorrow as we have not left the house since Friday :) 

Halo Jeanette and I went out to lunch on friday to red lobster... YUMMMY... I have quite a number of pics of Halo on my phone but have not tried to load them to the computer, this droid is not as easy as my old phone was, with the old one you popped out the disc and loaded it with the droid you have to go through hell and half of Ga to get to the darn disc ... so eventually I will take the time to do it.

I'm sure there is tons I am forgetting to tell that different folks have asked me, I apologise in advance... as right now life is wrapped around halo and enjoying her... she is without a doubt the best baby, even better than Bradley was at this age if that is possible!  She sleeps 12 hours a night every night, she wakes smiling and happy she plays and plays and eats and poops and sleeps very seldom is cranky at all shes sooo funnny and fun to have around... martha is so very blessed with this child... I hope she realises  it one day.  

well i must go... but Ihope this finds all well and Blessed !

good morning world

Last night Stephanie had to work until close and had to be back to work early this morning so we decided to leave bradley at grandmas over night... at 9 pm he went to bed!  his daddy said expect him to be up by two but, He sleeps through the night most of the time when he is here and if he does wake he just gets into bed with us.
 Halo came last night to stay with us until her parents return from florida and finding a place to live down there... she was asleep by 10 30.  
Grandma went to bed at 11 even though she was not exactly ready. 
THUNDER shook the house at 615 (papa was already up of course) and Bradley came to get into the bed with grandma.   by 630 more thunder woke up Halo too so I decided best to get on up and get started NOW on changing the babies sleep habits.    We had cheerios and almond milk and the kids are now playing and I am loading on coffee :D  I see lunch coming about 11 and naps by 12 LOL
well who knows i may have more to add later perhaps some pictures :)  have a wonderful day Yall love hugs and God Bless you and keep you till we meet again!

29th day of Feb.

today was my godfathers birthday.... hes been gone from earth a long time... but i always think of him at the end of February especially. 

Halo is 14 months old today,  and today is the day her parents are leaving to go to Florida to find a place to live.  Halo is staying with grandma  until they come back for her.  

Today, the last 3 months have totallycaught up with me and  kicked my ass I cant wake up and get functioning...

If this mess with my eye has been caused by STRESS which is entirely possible according to my dr's...

 I am doomed because there is no end to the stress in my life and it seems to me that it could find a different way to manifest itself in me... like WHY CANT I BE ONE TO LOSE A TON OF WEIGHT WHEN STRESSED???
geee no, not me nothing that wonderful could happen... I go freakin blind in one eye.

 to answer someone who asked, could this have anything to do with increased blood sugars?   according to ALL 5 Drs.  the answer is NO absolutely not, there is nothing in the pathology and presentation of my eye other than being unable to see that even comes close to diabetic retinopathy. 

so In some  ways I am totally greatful that that is their answer. 

there is STILL the possibility that I will regain some vision but, the longer this goes on and the lack of change in my field of vision the less hopeful that I become.  It is really hard to explain but the bits I can see I now can see  20/20 with my glasses on...that is IMPROVEMENT! but, there is still an incredable amount that I simply can not see.  

the flashes and what not Dr Capps suggested could be the dead nerves trying to reconnect ... so that is a possibility that i have not considered and hope that she is correct in that guess and that somday they will reconnect and i will regain full vision.  

in the mean time bradley and Halo will both be here soon and my house is a wreck since martha came last night to go through stuff and get it ready to gowith her when they find somewhere to live.  so I must leave the computer and get busy even though all i really want to do is go  back to bed.

Love hugs and God bless you and keep you until we meet again.

Its sunday already..

where does my time go???

well yesterday Michael decided to go ahead and rip out the bed frames he built for the kids 8 years ago ... seems like it was much longer ago but Martha was 12 when she stayed in Missouri while Cory and I came back home and we did their rooms HERS was a surprise for her.  

They served their purpose and I am grateful that all they entailed is now gone and burning in the burn hole this morning.  

Martha told me last night that they have decided to leave halo here with us while they move and find a place to live, which makes me feel the slightest bit better over this move. they are leaving Wednesday night I hate the idea of them moving not so much because of the move its self but  because there is so much that I see that needed to be done before the move life things BIG things that I am pretty sure wont happen at least not anytime soon and because of those decisions Martha is making some areas of her life harder on herself than it needs to be BUT, I can not make her choices for her and she wont talk to me or believe me when I try to talk to her about them so I don't talk about them anymore.

I just hope that they can do what they need to do and find a place and a reliable trustworthy sitter for Halo before they come back to get her.

I told mother about Martha moving, of course she has no clue about Halo or Mike for that matter so all mother can do is say well you know what it felt like for me when you left home.  I just agree with her and go on about my business as the two situations don't come close to comparing... but that's a whole nother book in and of itself. 

I had something really special and sweet happen this week, am not too sure how to begin to explain it so I will simply say THANK YOU to the person who did it... don't know if you will ever see this as I don't know who you are and that's cool too :o) 

and now I really must get away from this computer and  get things sorted and put away after tearing the two small bedrooms apart yesterday before Bradley comes this afternoon,   and I must go to the grocery store... anyone want to do that chore for me... I really hate the grocery store!

Love hugs and thank you all who stick by me encouraging me to carry on and putting up with my ebb and flow of blogging.  God bless you and keep you till we meet again!

Hold your ears .....

I may have to scream...

I can't even begin to explain what I am thinking and feeling right this second...

I guess that need to admit that I want to be in control, not because I know better but, damn it I am 44 I have moved across the country I have been there done that and I do have some freaking smarts and common sense. 

I DO know and realise that this part of my life is totally out of control and out of my control BUT, I am the queen of the easier softer way... really ...

how come it is that we can look and see what would be so much easier, what needs to be done and how to do it... when it is NOT our life!   ok when its our kids and we HAVE to let them F up their lives to sink or swim or what ever the saying of the day may be....

It is insanely hard to take that step back and say, NO! sorry I cant help you do this, I can't stop you and I won't even try but DAMN I see the train wreck comming and It's driving me NUTS knowing that it will effect helpless babies who have no say...in what happens in their lives.   

Ok, so if you hear a LOT of screaming from the south east of the US just know its me and That I will be ok because I know deep in my soul that God is in control and I am not.  *knowing this does not make it any easier however*  

if you have read this far... Bless your heart!  

welp just got a phone call of a friend in need so got to go see what i can do to help her..

Halo says HI

Halo Alaiah-Juliett  13 months 19 days!

we have a toddler...

who loves to dance with papa..

 and toddle at least 50 miles a day around the house,

 and to see how much THEY can drag out to play with in a short amount of time...

 lordy what a martha jean look she has here... she is her mothers baby....

 and those lovely squeezy legs ...

He mother says that they are moving to Florida soon.... and I realised I have not been taking pics thanks to my eye being my camera eye... so decided to charge up the battery and get some pics because I am sure I will not deal so well with them being 8 hours away...Stephanie is working a couple jobs now so Bradley is here Sunday through Wednesday and halos been here Thursday through Saturday...

I went to the eye dr this week,  my vision is 20/20 in the areas that i can see... and nothing of course in the areas that i can not... the dr still is not so sure that cat scratch fever is the cause and has some other thoughts up his sleeve... he said the swelling is SLIGHTLY less ... and we will see in time if "the damage has been done" or if there will be any return of the missing sight.   

Week ago i went to the endocrine dr as my blood sugars have been elevated , we don't know yet if it is because of the infection or it the beast is making a return ... so am on glucophage again, and it is coming down to close to normal already...

I go back to the infectious disease dr, not next week but the week after ... so will see where things are then ... still taking azithromycin 600 mg every day along with vit D and Zinc as they were super low ... iron, protein, B12, things that normally bottom out in me were all actually really good... anyway have a zillion things i need to be doing and accomplishing but it appears that they are only happening in my mind right now,  but hopefully soon I can make them materialize....

anyway just wanted tocheck in... hope you are allwell I did READ all your blogs but did not comment onthem all... love hugs and God bless you and keep you till we meet again.

quickie update...

nothing you dont already know i am sure...
but my dx is neuroretinitis caused by cat scratch fever, even though both blood tests were negative, he said i could have had the scratch a year or more ago... but i have not had alot of the symptoms ... just my eye and now a couple lymph nodes in the back of my head are swollen but today they are not as big as yesterday but from what i see it could be MONTHS before they go down and MONTHS before i see any differently...  DR patel changed my antibotic to a stronger one of the same azithromyicin and he now has a PHARMACY in his OFFICE!!!!!!!!  so they filled it there and no more of the every three day bs. :D   
he was very excited to be able to look into my eye and called his PA student in to have a looksee too.

Well have house work waiting on me...
had a cousin who has been very ill for a long time pass away the other night so have been busy running doing things we do when there is a death in the family... but wanted to do a quickcheck in..

may God bless you and keep you until we meet again!   :)

Rainy days and mondays toss in some thick fog for free...

well its a rainy FOGGY monday and I was out in it. 

I met a lady and bought a really nice coach purse from her for 20 bucks... its a bit smaller than my Hallie purse and brown but something about it called my name.  Then I had to go to Augusta to pick up some DVD +R discs that I had purchased to make some copies of vhs tapes that We would like to see again, or the kids would like to see ... and then to JERSEY MIKES (yes I am hooked)  got a club sub today... it was good but I still love the steak and cheese best... then to the pharmacy for my EVERY FRICKIN 3 DAY pick up of my RX... they wont give me the full RX only three days at a time which is utter BULLSHIT... and a pain in my butt... but, what do you do... its either go every three days or dont get the meds.

I dont see any difference in my vision yet... I have drs appts the next three wednesdays in a row to three different drs... this weeks is to the infectious diease dr,  next weeks to an endocrineologest, and the week after back to the retina specialest... then in april back to the neurologest...

I noticed last night i have a somewhat painful knot in the right back side of my head,  parallel to my ear and a finger length from my ear... not sure if there is a sinus cavity there that is stuffed up, seems like there is though. so will be asking on wednesday....

Had I realised just how nasty and foggy out it is I may have postponed going out in it but, once out figured what the heck might as well get it over and done with.  

Stephanie got a second job so I will be seeing Bradley more, he will be here this evening then all day tomorrow and maybe after my dr appt wednesday if I get out it time... or maybe even if I DONT she can bring him to the drs... :)  maybe give them incentive to get a move on... GAH.

Martha sent me a text yesterday telling me that they have decided that they will move to florida the end of march... not happy about it but, what do you do... its like I told her... I can live with her moving away even can embrace it but, TOTALLY HATE that she is choosing to move with him.... I dont, wont, never will trust him and told her so and told her why... Anyway  I pray she never regrets her choices. 

I went back to my old blog again and read from 4 years ago today and 3 years ago today... both fairly depressing days...One 4 years ago had to do with today being the funeral for a 4 yr old little boy who had brain cancer, that is still a heartbreaker, I talk to his mom once in a while and read her posts on facebook daily.  and 3 years ago apparently was high stress time so thankfully it is not so high stress right now as it was then.... I kinda like going back seeing where i was and what was happening... makes me greatful those days are past.   hopeful not to revisit.  and keep me looking forward to much better days.

oh am blathering on now saying nothing so until we meet again... may God bless you and keep you .  Love n hugs ME :)

Do you ever go back...

to your very first blog post and see what you were thinking?
i went back to mine march of 2006 (my first  blogger post) i had a yahoo blog several years before blogger but yahoo deleted their blogs... anyway mine was BLANK!!!! lol so my second post was what i visitied...
Funny,Sad, huge MEMEORIES  in those old posts...

March 22. 2006
sisterhood of the traveling....

sisters together again.... we had not seen each other in many years... have talked some but not near enough. we have had a good time running around augusta, spending time being bored together. so we shall see where there sisterhood of the traveling .... takes us ;-)
 
I had 0 comments in fact it was several months of blogging before anyone other than my sister made any comments.... but then eventually I met some amazing women and a couple amazing men as well....
some i have been blessed to meet in person, some I WILL eventually meet in person and some have come and gone as our lives were only ment to share paths for a while ... but all amazing memories and I have to say I am thankful that my sister decided to teach me about blogger and set up my original account for me ... for those who have been around for years you know this is my second blogger blog. :) I retired my first and sometimes wish i had not because in the end I ended up buying photo space (which is what i was trying to not have to do when i created a second blog)
 
so back to the original question.... do you ever go back and revisit your old posts???

Case studies!

Well I went to the neurologest today... All the labs drawn last week are normal, with the exception of the ones that show I have an infection... HOWEVER those number have dropped drastically too so very close to normal.  
the dr asked me if I would mind if she took the eye pics and other info WITHOUT my name included to the MEDICAL COLLEGE OF GEORGIA (GEORGIA HEALTH SCIENCES) case study review that they do each year... Told her I think that would be awesome!  so I get to be a case study... cause see ... BWHAHA what a play on words there... SEE we have a sort of diagnosis. NEURORETINITIS but, we still have NO CAUSE!
so someday when you are looking up neuroretinitis the EYEBALLS you see  may very well be mine!  
she still thinks that this is actually been caused by cat scratch fever,  but the second titers also came back normal... so... we will see next week what the infectious diease guy thinks...
In the mean time I asked for some labs to be drawn so that I know where  I stand on things that I have not had drawn in years.  so she said see you in three months and will call you when labs come in !
my vision is still about the same,  she tested them this morning still 20/20 in my rigth eye and 20/50 ish in the left... but the preferial has not changed at all.
well must go to bed am tired and Bradley will be here soon.
Love hugs and God bless you and keep you till we meet again :)

I dont know where the time goes

really I don't... it seems like it was Wednesday yesterday but I am told that it is actually Saturday nearly Sunday...
Michael was so kind as to share his cold with me... and I hate to let him know so I have not , that i believe it is something viral because I have been on antibiotics for 3 weeks now, and have him taking my old ones since there are 11 days of it left and they put me on a stronger one for the next 30 days.... yeah yeah I know but its not gonna hurt him and who know might actually help a bit... in fact he does seem to be a bit better (prolly it has run its course in him ) but... anyway ...
I have been sleeping a lot, as much as i can when i can clear my snot nose out enough to be able to breath with the c pap on...and being lazy and being lazy...
i still cant tell much difference in my vision, I go back to the neurologist Monday so who knows maybe some or all of the labs that were drawn on Wednesday will be  completed, interesting thing when dealing with the Dr's who are affiliated with the hospital, now they can pull my file up on their computers and see everything even what other Dr's have done and test results etc... so pretty cool actually.
well I have been playing catch up on your blogs and hopefully managing to leave comments or just saying hi :)
Love n hugs and God bless you and keep you until we meet again :)

New dr today....

Today I met with an Infectious diease dr,  He ordered a ton more blood work , some, most infact is repeats of what I have had done before.   The diagnosis is NEURORETINITIS... the cause is STILL UNKNOWN.  He also changed my  anitbotic to a stronger one for a month, and if that does not work and depending on the lab results then IV antibotics.  and maybe steriods... they are testing for some interesting things ... TB is one, because yes at some point in my 16 yr nursing carrier I have worked with and been exposed to TB... my skin tests and X rays are all clear... so this is called a GOLD test... and is done with blood,  they are also redoing the cat scratch fever titers as they will often give a false negative... but when reading on Diffuse Unilateral Subacute Neuroretinitis   which is another name tossed out today... is really bizzare and is caused more or less by cat scratch fever... is a WORM!!!  EEK.... anyway   the pics of my eye are way cooler than the ones they show when you look this up on line , however there are totally identical looks about them... I took a pic of my eye pics with my phone so its a bit crooked...

anyway we are still on the hunt for a cause and hopefully finally on the right track for a treatment even without knowing. anyway thats the news of today...
Hope all is well in your necks of the woods :)
Love n hugs
God bless you and keep you until we meet again :)

Turkey and Dumplins & One more thing it is NOT.

I decided to make Turkey and dumplins yesterday as it was So cold out and Michael is working on a cold... and it simply sounded GOOD.

It turned out way more than good it was fantabulous, the smoked turkey added a dimension of flavor that I did not  expect.

the little bit that was left over Michael and Martha split and  devoured... and said it was better the next day than the first day... hard to imagine that.   we are thinking up all kinds of things to smoke and enjoy in the coming years... and different Ideas of ways to make the left overs into something amazing too :)

On to today... had my appointment with The retina specialist... He is more confounded and disturbed than I am at this point.   the blood work for Cat scratch fever is negative as is everything else that I have been tested for... The list of ruled out things is as follows and there are some others I am not sure of the correct names of... but, Brain tumor, pseudotumorcerebri, MS, syphilis, gonorrhea, diabetes, TB, scarodoisis, several other things that were tested with the spinal fluid all ruled out or are Normal!!! Ha HA HA look out I AM NORMAL!... the only test left we are waiting for results on is Lyme disease... the Dr's are sending me to an infectious disease Dr in hopes that he will be able to turn up something that maybe was missed or a faulty blood test ... I go to him next week and the week after I go back to the neurologist then in a month back to the retina Dr... the good news of the day my vision and eye are NO WORSE... they are no better either ... but no worse is good. 

Hope all  is well with all of you in the New Year :) 
God Bless you and Keep you Until we meet again!

I must have blinked....

because all of a sudden it is 2012 and I somehow totally don't feel as if it should be ...

the last week of the year has held the highest highs and the lower lows.....

we had Halo turn a year old and the next day  I got to go with a young woman that I met this past summer while she had her baby, I got to share in him being born and cutting the cord :) something I did not get to do with my kids (cut the cords ) or with the grand kids ...
Say Hi to Bentley, he was born at 2:05 pm on the 30th and weighed in at 7 pounds 1 ounce :)

 and HI to Chacedie and a much Happier Bentley :)

new years eve I spent running picking up all I had not gotten done, plus going to the hospitals to do some visiting of The kids and  then a cousin. then home to get prepared for new years day... because no matter what else happens we must have collards and black eye peas and this year we got to smoke our first turkey.... cause Santa Michael brought me the smoker I wanted for Christmas :)

 it is a wonder that neighbors did not follow their noses... I sat outside for a while just to take in the smell OH HAVE MERCY....

it was over the top delicious....and since only Martha and Halo made it over, Cory had to work this weekend... there is over half the birdy left to drool over tomorrow and later in the week.


on the night of the 30th Halo and Martha came over and halo was riding the roller coaster (I found a used one the day after Christmas so now there is one here just like Bradley's... and all the kids love it...
She was having a ball...

Even the over the recommended age of 5 year old kids love it...

I caught Cory sitting on the ride Christmas day LOL

sometimes she makes this silly face when the camera flash gets to her ... it cracks me up every time!

 Halo and Martha were playing with cap i tiller (yes we pronounce it the way I typed it)

 then jump back to this afternoon... halo was loving gnawing on a turkey thigh bone...

 she offered her prize to me... for a second then went NO NO NO... and took it back...

 then more play time with Capitillar and papa... before time to go home and let grandma rest LOL... Till tomorrow...

I think I will choose not to talk about the lows of the end of the year but for those who know me ... one word will explain all... MOTHER
anyway hope you have all had a wonderful  and safe New years Eve and New years Day and prayers for a bright and healthy and happy new year for all. 
Love n hugs
God bless you and keep you until we meet again
:)  and i go to the retina dr on the 4th !