need to clarify... again.

I feel the need to clarify ... again.

I have had the enlightening moment of realising that I am my own worst enemy.

I have always been one to put it all out there, I don't have many secrets, in fact there are maybe 2 that Iwill never tell anyone... but those are my business.... other than those things I pretty much don't have an off limits button. 
HOWEVER, I have been made to realise and understand that I dont always paint the WHOLE picture and because this is a public blog, sometimes the picture is cloudy or unclear and therefore people who do care and who follow dont get it.  
I am sorry because that is my fault because at times I am single minded in what I am writing and therefore can become confusing to the ones who have stuck around and read.  (thank you to those who have stuck by me I hope you continue to because you are an important part of my life)

All that being said ...
this is who I am...
I am a happy, easygoing, laid back, caregiver.   I give my all when taking care of others... which is all of the time be it  family, friends, complete strangers, or patients.  I do at times neglect me.  and in doing that on occasion I get frustrated and aggrivated, but I have an outlet that I learned many many years ago and it works for me. 

way back in the days of old I kept a daily log, diary if you will, that I started when I was 17... It was a suggestion from a friend who was teaching me how to live... It started off as something simple called a gratitude list... each day I was to Thank God, and to list the things Iwas thankful for... Lemmie tell you in the beginning  there were many times that the ONLY thing I could write was THANK YOU GOD THAT THIS DAMN DAY IS DONE... in my most sarcastic writing of a 17 yr old mind.

In fact when I go back and read it I am quite amazed and how simple my life was back in the day... but thats not my point.  my point is that I wrote about life the good, the bad, the ugly and I learned that by writing it down I could LET IT GO and be ready to start fresh with a clean slate so to speak the next day, the next minute, hour, what ever it happend to be.

When I was in College one of my first classes (one of the best classes) and one that I totally remember, was an intro to college class, that teachers class should have been called teaching us how to live because that is in essence what she was doing.   Anyway She brought back to me something I had stopped because life with a baby had placed it on the back burner.  She made us journal... :)  

So many years back when life was more than I could bear someone, Beckie I think, told me about yahoo blogs and I was hooked for a couple reasons...

1. life was so overwhelming at the time I did not have time to process my feelings and emotions so I figured I would write about them and go back later and work through them.
2. I could add pictures to my writing!! a secret passion with the advent of affordable digital cameras.
LATER  came the wonderful thing that blogging has that nothing else does...FEEDBACK!!!

which brings me back to the reason for this post,  With feedback comes some wonderful things... others thoughts, ideas, advice, and most important to me, SUPPORT !

However, Several times I have VENTED, I am a certified venter by the way... when things are bad I vent about them, then I can let them GO and move on to the better things in life.  HOWEVER, I tend to forget that when I am venting I am not always very clear because my head is going 500 miles a second and my fingers simply cant keep up so a lot gets left out and you my dear SUPPORT group do not get the WHOLE picture.  FOR THAT I APOLOGISE.

Anyway back to the point of this post, I promise in the future to attempt to paint a clearer picture when I am venting and will warn you in advance that any given post is strictly a VENT SESSION. 

All that being said, I hope you all have a beautiful wonderful day and may God bless you and keep you until we meet again!