i have been fighting it but...

i think my body is losing the battle and i am getting either a cold or bronchitis... for two days i have had the most massive headache and nausea... it comes and goes at the most bizzare times... anyway i dont have time to slow down, i have the boy and martha needs help with rides and other things... the house and life carry on and i just do the best i can... anyway just wanted to say hi...
Hope you all have a wonderful rest of tuesday and wonderful wednesday. 

A Special Thanks...

To My Mom...

Again...

I just wanted to send out a very very special thank you to Laura Jean (My LJ).

Thank you- for EVERYTHING.

Everything from just being there for me to taking me everywhere i need to be when Mike can't-to the shower and the hundreds you spent make it so wonderful-it will be the first  memory in Halo's life for me and she isn't even here yet! Throughout the past year we've become closer--->I am not exactly sure why...But we have. I tell you everything and i trust you now more than ever. Regardless of the past and the many mistakes we made, I need you to know I feel that YOU are the best MOM and GRANDMOTHER anyone could have (with the exception of my Grandma Hall of course ;) 

 In mention of Whom By the way::: would be extremely proud of you and most defintely say that you fill her shoes well...I love you.

Thanks.

Emjay

We missed YOU

at the baby shower today...

My cousin Pauline had this cake made it was so beautiful and DELISH too!

she also made these pacifiers for the B A B Y game...

the present table... was loaded with wonderful things for baby Halo Alaiah-Juliett

SOME of the wonderful foods... thank you all for so much help

remember you can click on any picture to embiggen it... we laughed so hard at the antic during the entire shower as the
B A B Y game goes on the entire time!

I am not sure what was happening here... some lude comments about the LONG  balloons I think... then stephanie remembered how to make poodles with them :)

Martha Jean said BABY and Erin caught her and got her candy pacifier

Kerrie got BUSTED saying BABY and Sylvia and Marsha made sure we ALL knew it BWHAHAHAH

OH MY THIS GAME... I dont know what to call it was a version of hot potato crossed with musical chairs ... but the music played and the diaper passed and the laughter RULED!

it went faster and faster  *THANK YOU Brittany for being the camera woman you got some AWESOME shots *

and got rather wild....

then all that were left was Marsha and Faye  and that Diaper was FLYING!!!!!  
FAYE WON!

Kerrie, Marsha, & Erin

Kerries Son Brenner had to come but he HID outside and played but when things got REALLY LOUD I saw him peeping in the window!

Tori and Becca ... Martha's best girlfriends.

martha and me...

Schlena, Dionne, & Nancy

Faye and Savanna were the first victims of the blindfolded dress the baby game... Experience won over youth...

then Faye was to be challenged by Stephanie but she told us the cabbage patch doll was her BABY and ERIN got all her pacifiers and ended up playing against Stephanie

Stephanie has lots of practice dressing the baby and left Erin with her baby nakid

at some point during the game Marsha was dancing to the kids toons on the sterio and I got this shot of her... it was HYSTERICAL!

Then Martha Jean challenged Stephanie... and as you see STEPHANIE WON!  (oh there was a bit of ummm cheating for lack of a better term as Aunt Sylvia hid Martha's babies hat!)  then Martha Jean threw her baby on the floor and more laughter was roaring through the house and I am sure the neighborhood!

Martha and her cake~did I mention it was beautiful and delish!

brenner had to check out what was happening again...

Kerrie and Marsha were trying to depacifier Erin!  it did not happen but oh my FUNNY!

HI ERIN!!!!!!!! :) your nipples are showing! BWHAHAHAH

I did mention how delish the cake was right???

Maggie Leigh was the youngest lady present she is just adorable!

I forgot what I was told to post as the caption  for this so ERIN ... you best get busy girl! lol (no shes not preg, she was playing cause she was in the HOT seat!

Savannah said the B word... and lost her pacifiers (she had gotten mine earlier )

Kerrie... CHEATED !!! she took most of the extras and was really sneaky when no one was watching ... it was hysterical

Sylvia came to get them from her but got caught... guess her stelth mode was not working as well as Brenners.

more Fun as the gifts were being opened.

Chris SHE LOVES what you sent... but my camera pooped out when I tried to get a pic of the Giraffe... EVERYONE said to tell you how beautiful it is and everything else too !!  The elephant was a huge hit as were the tiny knitted booties!

Faye caught Erin when she said the B word and was so excited that she had WON!!!

Tori worked for months painting this duckie (in art class at school)  for martha it is so cute and will look great on the wall along with the Giraffe wall hanging!

Stephanie was trying to keep up with who brough and sent what!

Debbie, Dad and Jeannie we got the cards and gifts you sent and She was thrilled with them

Next trick in our bag of fun...

Write and send out the thank you's

the BEST IDEA EVER was to have everyone fill out a blank envelope as they came in the door... talk about BRILLIANT!

Again WE MISSED YOU ALL & WISH YOU HAD BEEN HERE !!!

Life-as I know it.

1st Hijack. Emjay here--->

(regardless of the vote I am a smart chick and I will find a way to make things happen)

So To My Mom:

You're the best. The absolute most awesome terrific kind hearted loving fixer upper in this universe. You pull me and my brother through everything, everything you're capable of that is... I apologize for sticking you in the middle. I need to step back and really reassure myelf that the man I am fighting for is worth it--->because a year into this mess...I don't feel like I'm worth it to him, or that he would fight this battle for me if the tables were turned. You, of all people, do not deserve to be treated the way that ANY of us treat you. From Cory, whom you still take care of, and his son whom you take care of and probably always will. To ME, whom you take back and forth and all over-you feed-you pray for and do for and my child whom you will take care of also. TO Dad, who puts you between us and forces you to choose between your children and your husband...None of this is fair-  

I, on behalf of us all-weather they know, like it or don't, apologize to you. You deserve better people in your life than the people we are, and the people we're becoming.

Forgive me.

That's all I have right now, I'm all out of tears and whatnot. Happy holidays everyone, hopefully someone somewhere will see us and remember us and know that the way WE have done things is WRONG.

LEARN FROM US.

Mama's don't let your babies grow up to be anything like your spouse- it ain't easy. 

I love you mama.

Martha Jean

food porn

here is a sampleing of some of the stuff I cooked yesterday chocolate kaluah cheesecake

 ham and macaroni and cheese

 turkey

 and my plate that i could not eat all of ....

it was a pretty drama free day, Bradley was tired when they got here and showed out as bad as i have ever seen him... of course his mom and dad were here and we all know kids act differently when the parents are present... martha came late in the afternoon and ate... small drama later... but i guess she has taken care of it... now to get stuff done for tomorrows baby shower :)

vote here

well it was unintentional but MJ cant hijack me for the moment...
should i let her know the email?  do you want to hear her thoughts from time to time when she hijacks my blog? its up to you oh faithful ones who keep coming back ... what do you vote ?

bah humbug

went to bed late in hopes of sleeping in... 5 30 was up decided to start cooking, got ham in the oven, dressing in the crock pot, sweet potato casserole in the other crock pot, made the cheese cakes yesterday, chopped the cheese yesterday, so have turkey to put in the rotesserie around 9 and corn and beans to start later and of course mac and cheese and deviled eggs yet to come as well oh and gravy....

MJ you are not locked out the stupid password is the same as the old blog, you know I dont have many variations on passwords... its too hard to remember them all.

Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and good food and family and....

NOW comes my vent session my bitch session my total resentment dumping so if you want to stay happy stop reading here....
you have been warned things are gonna get ugly .....

ok if you did not stop reading....
you need to know I really do not like the HOLIDAYS....

I have never liked the holidays... they suck for me.

I love to cook yeah, so I dont mind the cooking there is nothing special that I cook just for the holidays there is just more of it... so more work for me...

The reasons I hate the holidays are many so I guess I will just list my grieveances
1. my family is so spread out, and even if they were close together they would never be together.
2. I am always stuck in the middle playing peacemaker
3. I love selfish people ... as in my husband my kids my parents my in laws my out laws ...
4. I despise the commercialism of the holidays... Christmas crap was out before  halloween was over that sucks.
5. I am taken for granted and am abused regularly.

I am to the point that I  hate the preparing and planning for a day that I know my family, the selfish assholes that I love, wont be together and I pray that the day come and go as quickly and peacefully as possible.

I hate knowing that there are people out there who wont have anything to eat or a place to stay.  It makes me feel sick knowing that I will have more than we can ever eat and even after days of eating on what is cooked much will go out for the wild animals to eat.

and I think most of all I am sick of everyone telling me how they feel and how they think I should feel or act,  and with that I mostly mean my husband and my daughter.  I am sick of being the buffer between them and listening to them both tell me how right they are and how wrong the other is because in truth they both have valid points and to some degree both are correct.  THEY ARE JUST ALIKE.  Hardheaded assholes who would not give an inch. 

I think I am most lonely around the holidays and even in a house with people in it I feel alone... thats my issue to work out...

and for now this is all I have to say... there is a lot more floating around in my head but, I am reluctant to share it right now when I should be counting my  many blessings....

1. I have food
2. I have a roof over my head
3. I have the means to pay the bills *even if some are late at times*
4. I have Bradley and will soon have Halo, and they are easy for now because they dont have snakes in their heads.
5.I have YOU the people who come read this drivel and actually come back... God Bless you all.
Happy Thanksgiving :)

Man What a week!~

it has been busy crazy...er than usual,
of course preparing for Thanksgiving and this baby shower has be a HUGE undertaking.
Originally we were planning to rent  a place for the shower but I decided it was just not cost effective and that we could have it here at my house...
which meant I had to become completely anal  about how the house looks and to have everything spotless.
 
Don't get me wrong we live here it is a house it has to be worked on daily to keep it clean but we don't DEEP clean but 4 times a year unless it needs it more ... we have not steam cleaned the carpet in best we could recall 15 years... SOOOO me being me have wanted a steam cleaner for a while had to think it through for a while before i decided what to do...

Had to weigh my options which were
1. RENT a CLEANER and do the work. 
2. Hire a cleaner company and PAY them or
3. Buy a steam cleaner and do the work.

WELL.... since I am fairly persnickety about how things are done and past experiences were pulled from the recesses of OUR minds... AND because I have a target card and it was on SALE... I bought a bissell steam cleaner and went to work starting last Friday...

our living space is 120 square yards it is a combo of living, dining, and kitchen of which only the kitchen area has been done in laminate flooring.  We put this carpet in when martha was a baby so she will be 19 on Sunday... that makes the carpet 18 years old.

The second year we had it we had two little kids plus the other 8 kids I was keeping here at home who had spilled milk  and other assorted things so we paid to have it cleaned.  THE CARPET CHANGED COLORS !!!! it went from this lovely blue that I loved to a pale gray.  I was so upset but, could not really do anything about it so ... Gray it was ... 2 years or maybe a year and a half later we rented a steam cleaner we think from home depot and ACK THE SMELL NARSTY I TELL YA JUST NARSTY!!!!

First thing that I noticed with the Bissell was ... It SMELLED SO GOOD!  I bought the allergen kind of cleaner solution, thanks to my allergies.  then I noticed that Stains that we had tried scrubbing on our hand and knees and had not come out... were coming out!

Granted I did the room in sections, Friday was the dining area I went over it several times and yeah there are some places that simply NOTHING will get out, the pine tar is here to stay...the areas Michael got upset years ago and tried to clean with bleach of course are a bit whiter than they were before. 
Saturday I did the less used part of the living area, UGGGG THE SAND in my carpets ... as bad as Georgia RED CLAY!  then Monday I did the most worn, most used, most abused part.... and OH MY WOW it looks like a different room.  Michael said he does not think it was this clean when they installed it all those years ago :) 

Today I did up the laundry, including bed sheets then Martha came over and we had some running to do.  My net to remove the leaves from the fish pond had DIED so I went in search of a net, finally ended up getting a fishing net from walmart because the one supposed to be for the pond was stupid priced and I was not paying that much to fish LEAVES out ...GAH!

we stopped at target because they had told her to come back and get her baby package for registering with them... nice little package I admit anyone pregnant should register there. we really SHOULD have broken the camera out at walmart ... as people of walmart needed a few of these people we saw today added to their archives... HAVE MERCY, I HAD  TO COME HOME AND WASH MY EYES OUT!!!

I am ready to start cooking tomorrow ... my cheesecakes have to get done and my cornbread for my dressing needs to be cooked as well, and tonight even though I was not prepared to nor did I want to ... I had to make cookies because BRADLEY went to the cookie jar and it was EMPTY!!! and the papa said he did not blame the child that it is MY DUTY to keep cookies in the jar.. SIGH... duty fulfilled my dear.

well, interesting... i have tried to uploadsome pictures and it is saying the server is rejected but not telling me what that means.... hummmm will have to ponder this and find out what the hell is up with that.
its working now....

well with that bit my train has derailed and i must  head to bed as it is already wednesday here.
have a great day ya'll
i tried pics again as you can see... and added some :)

It's starting to look

and feel like HOME :)

welcome to my new house

Well it appears I have decided to move to a new blog space. 
If you follow my Silence Is Broken Blog then you know that I cant load any more pictures there and I love to share my pictures so I had to decide 5 dollars a month to have more pictures or have a fresh start.  I have been thinking about closing my blog anyway but, i think i have decided not to close it just to not add any more to it... well except on more post with the link to this blog of course so you can find me.

well HELL I was going to add a picture so you know you are in the right house but guess what... there are NO pictures on the desktop since I reformatted it they are all on the laptop.  GAH

OK got some more work to do but will add from the lap top later.