Thursday, June 2, 2011

what do you do when....

you want to give up... you want to so damn bad but, you are unable to give up because that stupid survival instinct is too strong in you?? you know from past experiences that... this too shall pass. (like a pinto, right dad?) and given time things will get better or at the very least on an even keel.... you know that acceptance is THE ANSWER... because it is out of your control and not your decision to make in the first place... yet somehow you manage to feel responsible at least in part for the way some things are. 
you want to kick and scream you want to hit something or someone... yet you know that wont solve the problems... If you still drank you would be a blathering gutter drunk... because you would want to stay numb all the time...and you know that is not the answer either because eventually you do sober up... least I always did... you want to put it out there so you dont feel alone yet you dont want to because, well because it effects or is it affects, never am sure with those two words which is the right one, others that you love.
you try to laugh and smile and carry on because you know thats just what has to be done... but you really dont want to. 
you can see the answer or solution as plain as the nose on your face but, the others involved cant or wont see it ... damn here we are back at that freakin ACCEPTANCE again arent we?  
sigh... guess I will go back to my corner now... nurse my wounds ... and come back swinging later....

10 comments:

Chris H said...

It's the hardest thing in the world to go through shit that you have NO CONTROL of... and no matter how much you want to just accept it... it still eats away at you.
I know, cos last year I felt like you... I felt sick to my stomache every time I thought of what was worrying me...

But time does heal... help.... and it does get better... it's just getting through the NOW that is the hardest part.

I got anti-depressants from the Doctor on his advice... he was really worried about my state of mind... like you I just wanted it to all end.

But time will deal to those feelings.

Perhaps some happy pills will help you through this rough patch?

I hope ... so hope, that you can weather this and come out the other side a stronger, wiser person, cos these problems do teach us and make us stronger... and I hope one day MJ and Halo will be back in your lives and all this is the past.

Love you so much my friend.

jojo said...

I wish I were there so we could sit out on that lovely porch with a cool beverage and chat, scream, kick, swear...what ever it takes! But sadly I'm not so I send you a hug, lots of prayers and a ton of love...I've got your back from here and I am so sorry sweet friend that you are dealing with all of this all over again...deep breath.

Ness said...

You call your sistah-friend in Illinois and we talk it through. You're in my daily prayers and thoughts. We WILL get through this.

Flea said...

All I can offer is what you know - the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

TonjiaT said...

what do you do? you stay strong, you fight if you have to kick if you need to and dont give up.

You never ever give up.. then you sit down and pray.

Thats usually what I do, God listens and eventually things will get better.

hugs to you my friend...

Bluebird49 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caution said...

Oh, sweetie. You lick those wounds. Keep on licking. Take a few more breaths, and I'll keep holding you up in prayer. I promise.

Grandma Tillie's Bakery said...

Maddening, isn't it?

Been there, done that, got through it.

You will too :-)

Mental P Mama said...

Laura, it will get better. You have to wait it out. And text me when you need to....

Bluebird49 said...

I thought I had commented, but I guess blogger ate it.

Sweetie--you're doing what you can! You're NOT taking that drink, you're doing what you can, you're trying to do what is right--and we can't make our loved ones do what we know is right for them--if they won't listen. I know you're in pain, and I wish I could help--and I am in the only way I know--I'm praying for you and your family. We just all have times when we want to give up--or hit something, lol, but I know you're strong enough to get you and your family through this!

Just know that God has it all in His hands, and I need to remember this myself, because I've been down lately myself! You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, and I wish I could as well as you do!