WOULD YOU EVER....

just like to scream....then scream some more? 

I am not a screamer by design, I am physically incapabable of screaming.... well one time I did let out a shreek that martha said was a real girl scream but, I am not so sure.... but anyway tonight I want to scream... a lot!

its nothing new, nothing different, just one of those things in life that drives one over the edge and makes them want to SCREAM!

and I think the main reason I want to scream is simply because I can't talk about it and can't write about it and really have no outlet for it... and don't know how to fix it (that will be satisfactory to all involved) and it's not ever going to change no matter how bad I want it to... and well screaming wont help but, maybe just for a moment I will not feel so frustrated over it...

because, unfortunately in life you have to deal with some people... and in dealing with some people you will never be allowed to use common sense or understanding because they won't ever be anything like you are ... they won't think like you do, they won't feel like you do and won't believe like you do... or in my case LIKE I DO.   

you see I see a totally different solution to the crap than they do... and no matter what I say to them or those involved ... they will twist and turn and bring in old crap that was long dead at least I thought it was... which bring more frustration and yeah a little bit of anger that will pass fairly quickly...

Since when is is wrong to work your ass off to have and do things?  when is it wrong to want ot be a part of SHARE in the enjoyment of...  and JUST because you may have a bit more than, and you are willing to share what you have... yet you are the BAD GUY because you finally get enough a say something... trying to express the way you feel, yet your feelings are thrown out and tossed aside as not as important as someone elses because YOU MADE THE CHOICE to work to have and be able to do....

I feel like the kid in kindergarden who took care of her toys and just because I did not want the other kids to tear them up was called selfish... did not mind playing with them with others just did not want it destroyed mind you... so am punished because i have something that someone else does not ... because they chose a different lifestyle... I guess it is safe to say they are jealous. yet, they call me the jealous one because I express my unhappyness over something that is big enough for all to play with and share in...

Sigh I am sorry  but, since I can't scream...and can't reaally give the details of what I am talking about.... I probably have lost you, given you a headache, or totally convinced you that I am NUTS.... but,

hey who knows maybe I am crazy ... NUTS....

Naw, just frustrated...and like so many things in life this too shall pass... and I am sure it will creep up again at another time in life because the people that are involved in it will always be a part of my life...

and NO MARTHA I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU... this time.