Wednesday, September 7, 2011

my get up and go...

got up and went... dang it... its hiding from me... I spent the day yesterday doing stuff, it was tiring but fun.

I could not sleep last night, I am becoming convinced that restless leg syndrome is totally attacking me... my legs kick at the most bizarre of times and my feet tingle and cramp... and of course my mind does not seem to shut off... so I get up and spend half the night watching mindless crap on the tv. 

Then when I finally get up I find that I have no energy to do anything past thinking of what I really need to get done....fortunately there is nothing major that needs to be done, just the annoying things that make life a bit less complicated ... like I need to vacuum, so will do that eventually,  need to go pick up milk and toilet paper but  there is enough to last until tomorrow so I see that being put off until then.   

tomorrow and Friday Bradley will be here : ) that makes me smile even though I know I will be worn out by the end of two 13 hour days of chasing a toddler who is into everything but all smiles while getting into it ...

I am trying to  convince myself that it is NOT my responsibility to see that my grand kids have the clothing, diapers, formula and other life items that I WANT them to have but, maybe they just don't need ... from me. 

I am really bad about taking from US to see to it that the kids and babies have all that I think they should and I need to correct that.  It is not fair to us.  Hell, I even did that to try to help my sister, maybe that is the wake up call I needed to see... because in spite of forgiving her for what she has done or not done caused or not caused I cant help but, analyze it all to death... and try to figure out what exactly it is I am supposed to learn from the situation... because you see I see all things in life as a mode to learn SOMETHING... ANYTHING because life is about learning ... but we have to be ready willing and able to learn the lessons life is teaching us.  (if that does not make sense its ok it does to me ) 

I am back into the thinking about going back to work mode, I would like to find that perfect part time job that will fit my schedule as there are certian things I really don't want to change right now... so I am looking for a monday tuesday wednesday 7 am to 3 pm type of job preferable in the nursing field, I have done and can do just about anything and have a valid liscense... but, I must do things in order like update my resume, and do some research of what is even out there these days.  and God help, hunt down and find the people I have worked with in the past so I can have some good references and who knows maybe they will know of something that is right up my alley of what I am thinking of looking for... cause see thats how my crazy life works... in the last 10 or so years,  I had a job that was totally out of my scope of training and when that job ended 2 hours later I was hired somewhere else, and when that ended and I was looking for something else I called an old coworker and she sent me to a job where I was hired immediately and from it there came another that was probably the best job I have ever had... and I got spoiled to that job and also burnt out ... so for 4 years I have not worked out in the public...so anway thats some of the many crazy things running through my mind...

sorry If I confuse or scare you when I let the little bits out to play :)  time to vacuum...Have a great day and weekend this weather is lovely but, where is all the rain we were told was coming??? we really need it!

7 comments:

Paxie said...

Should have sent you some of our rain! We got it.

Lots for you to think about...

Decisions will come in time. ((Hugs))

Bluebird49 said...

Wow--you HAVE a got a LOT on your mind, Honey!! I know you want to help you kids and grandkids--and you'll figure out how much is enough, and how much is TOO much, I'm sure. are you going bask to work so that you can help support THREE families? And can you do that---and still babysit when you're needed. I know you have some health issues, too--and as you say--you've got to update and find references, etc.--I just pray it will all come together as you want it to. the health care system is changing all the time...and I hope you'll be able to pull everything together as you want it to be--and that your husband will be happy for you to go back, too.! Best of luck!

jojo said...

well it's just a crazy place in that little head of yours but not to worry sweet Peach, mine works the same way!!

Mental P Mama said...

Take some magnesium at bedtime...it is great for restless leg and is a sleep aid! You need to take care of yourself more! Don't make me come down there!

MJ said...

correction: you take from yout to see to it that your grandkid. as in mono. meaning one. NOT plural has everything HE needs. Martha Jean takes plenty care of Halo. thanks. also on the job tip: home health aid. period. <3

Laura~peach~ said...

ok darling daughter you feel the need to correct me so let me clarify for you... yes you provide essentials but look around at the stuff I have bought and done for YOUR child, things that perhaps she could live without but because I CHOOSE to get them for her she does not... I have bought so many things for you to help you as well so dont get lost in the forrest while I am talking of some trees ok... if we would like to be persnickity lets count up gas for when I carry you to work, lets add formula that I did not have to buy but could not pass up at the price so you have back up, food, toys clothing and see thats just part of being the grandma... you see I get for BOTH grand kids because I DONT want you or your brother to stress so darn much ...and dont forget to look at all the LITTLE stuff I do to help you not things you would die without but things that make life easier for you... like today... nough said... I provide and take from your dad and I it is just what we do have always done and will probably always do... to some extent... GAH

Chris H said...

Don't ya just hate having to justify yourself?
I am totally convinced Halo and Bradley are better off for all that you give to their parents, be it items for the babies or gas for your car to get them places.

I am like you, totally over giving, giving, giving.
I am no longer buying clothes for the grandbabies or the kids. We have to enjoy the hard earned money too!