WOULD YOU EVER....

just like to scream....then scream some more? 

I am not a screamer by design, I am physically incapabable of screaming.... well one time I did let out a shreek that martha said was a real girl scream but, I am not so sure.... but anyway tonight I want to scream... a lot!

its nothing new, nothing different, just one of those things in life that drives one over the edge and makes them want to SCREAM!

and I think the main reason I want to scream is simply because I can't talk about it and can't write about it and really have no outlet for it... and don't know how to fix it (that will be satisfactory to all involved) and it's not ever going to change no matter how bad I want it to... and well screaming wont help but, maybe just for a moment I will not feel so frustrated over it...

because, unfortunately in life you have to deal with some people... and in dealing with some people you will never be allowed to use common sense or understanding because they won't ever be anything like you are ... they won't think like you do, they won't feel like you do and won't believe like you do... or in my case LIKE I DO.   

you see I see a totally different solution to the crap than they do... and no matter what I say to them or those involved ... they will twist and turn and bring in old crap that was long dead at least I thought it was... which bring more frustration and yeah a little bit of anger that will pass fairly quickly...

Since when is is wrong to work your ass off to have and do things?  when is it wrong to want ot be a part of SHARE in the enjoyment of...  and JUST because you may have a bit more than, and you are willing to share what you have... yet you are the BAD GUY because you finally get enough a say something... trying to express the way you feel, yet your feelings are thrown out and tossed aside as not as important as someone elses because YOU MADE THE CHOICE to work to have and be able to do....

I feel like the kid in kindergarden who took care of her toys and just because I did not want the other kids to tear them up was called selfish... did not mind playing with them with others just did not want it destroyed mind you... so am punished because i have something that someone else does not ... because they chose a different lifestyle... I guess it is safe to say they are jealous. yet, they call me the jealous one because I express my unhappyness over something that is big enough for all to play with and share in...

Sigh I am sorry  but, since I can't scream...and can't reaally give the details of what I am talking about.... I probably have lost you, given you a headache, or totally convinced you that I am NUTS.... but,

hey who knows maybe I am crazy ... NUTS....

Naw, just frustrated...and like so many things in life this too shall pass... and I am sure it will creep up again at another time in life because the people that are involved in it will always be a part of my life...

and NO MARTHA I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU... this time. 

just for you my loyal viewers I will

this weekend I promise... dig up some pics of me, my kids and of course the babies to show you just how correct you are in how these babies look like their parents.  (helen and others who have asked :)

It has been one of THOSE Fridays,

my phone rang at 8 am  and woke me up...

it was Cory... asking if he could come sleep here today as the nissan was done but they dont have the money to pay the man to get the car yet, they hoped to get that done today but, when you work all night and go to school and well anyway it simply was not gonna get done  and, their A/C is messed up, we believe the drain line is stopped up causing a minor flood ... GAH

I already have Bradley for Thursdays and Fridays so told him thats fine come on....

so Bradley and I had a date to meet a woman from aiken, south carolina to get some clothing for him (had already gotten him some boots from her) so we headed out to south carolina to meet her then came home fixed some lunch and then it was nap time...

in the mean time Martha had already asked me to take her to work this evening and to keep Halo for her....

 so at 430 Bradley and I headed out to get Martha and Halo, took Martha and dropped her off rushed home to fix Cory and Bradley and Halo something to eat then headed back to south carolina to take Cory to work by 7 we got there at 2 minutes till.... then headed back to augusta to meet Stephanie who got off work at 7 so Bradley could go home with her, then Halo and I headed back home... had supper and played, then Halo crashed and I want to but, Martha wont be off work for another half hour or so.... so am playing catch up on here....

shhhhhh dont say anything too loud but we have had constant internet service for TWO whole days now!!!!!!

I dont know about your areas but facebook (ok some local people on facebook ) had a great idea to make an online yard sale site (there are over 6000 members) I have gotten all the clothing Halo will need for winter, most of what Bradley will need for winter and some super great toys for the kids ALL for under 100.00 bucks! (98 is still under 100 right???)  now I really need to SELL some STUFF lol... I am not a good seller I am a much better giverawayer.... Michael yelled at me to NOT give away but to SELL the stuff... but I have a girlfriend coming over tomorrow who I am sure I will GIVE the stuff she needs for her little girl... Shhh again... dont tell him HA HA HA... poor man he knows me too well....

in the mean time I need someone with a bit of time to make a grocery run for me... we are totally out of milk, butter, cooking oil, cheese, nearly out of bread, and on our last can of coffee!!!!!

I have to go tomorrow at 9 to get the swing slide set I got for the kids THEY WILL LOVE IT, and then figure out how to get my darling hubby to rip out  Corys old bed room so I can make it into the spare room, and, the one lori was living in,  into a play room for the kids... or else figure out where to move a couch so the swing /slide set can fit in here... hummm    guess I will stop at the store sometime tomorrow since no one is jumping on the chance to go to the store for me... :)   

ok well its late and I see by reading what I have written that this could become very confusing LOL... love hugs prayers and hope you all have a very blessed weekend! 

Halo is

mobile now... she is fast and so funny!  she has so many toys to play with but, is facinated by the kitchen floor so had to be rerouted many many times.

 she spent the day and part of the evening with Papa and Grandma,

 one of her many trips to the kitchen, and under the dining room table!

 she found papas watch to be of huge interest... and of course papa is a wonderful climbing toy

 he would make fun noises and she would try to copy him, then he poked her belly and she laughed and chewed on her finger, she still has no teeth and no real signs of any other than the constant drool!

Shes such a happy and good baby, she had peas and turkey leg for supper and it is just too fun to watch her feel out the new textures and tastes.    

well got stuff to accomplish today but wanted to pop in and say hi and share halo pics,
shes 18 pounds now, she went to the dr last monday with an ear infection and is feeling a million times better still has the nasty runny nose and cough but not nearly as bad as before, poor MJ her first time with a sick baby, I think the baby delt so much better than she did :)

Have a blessed day and week till we meet again!

I am

alive and well just having massive internet issues have been dealing with knology had two different guys here to work on the problem but, of course it stays on when they are here... keeping a journal for the tech this weekend well since last week really and will be continuing to try to get the issue resolved... We know it is not the computers as both have been checked out and both work perfectly when the lines work...
lots going on  here will update as I am able and hope to catch up with all of you too!
love hugs and God bless!

A HUGE THANK YOU !!!

to whom ever made my day!!!! 

I was told a couple years ago how great these turvis cups are and got one that I use daily... It goes everywhere with me an has been dropped and bounced and loved and snuggled ... but anyway SOMEONE out there in the world picked the georgia Peach one out for me and sent it to me and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! :)

my get up and go...

got up and went... dang it... its hiding from me... I spent the day yesterday doing stuff, it was tiring but fun.

I could not sleep last night, I am becoming convinced that restless leg syndrome is totally attacking me... my legs kick at the most bizarre of times and my feet tingle and cramp... and of course my mind does not seem to shut off... so I get up and spend half the night watching mindless crap on the tv. 

Then when I finally get up I find that I have no energy to do anything past thinking of what I really need to get done....fortunately there is nothing major that needs to be done, just the annoying things that make life a bit less complicated ... like I need to vacuum, so will do that eventually,  need to go pick up milk and toilet paper but  there is enough to last until tomorrow so I see that being put off until then.   

tomorrow and Friday Bradley will be here : ) that makes me smile even though I know I will be worn out by the end of two 13 hour days of chasing a toddler who is into everything but all smiles while getting into it ...

I am trying to  convince myself that it is NOT my responsibility to see that my grand kids have the clothing, diapers, formula and other life items that I WANT them to have but, maybe they just don't need ... from me. 

I am really bad about taking from US to see to it that the kids and babies have all that I think they should and I need to correct that.  It is not fair to us.  Hell, I even did that to try to help my sister, maybe that is the wake up call I needed to see... because in spite of forgiving her for what she has done or not done caused or not caused I cant help but, analyze it all to death... and try to figure out what exactly it is I am supposed to learn from the situation... because you see I see all things in life as a mode to learn SOMETHING... ANYTHING because life is about learning ... but we have to be ready willing and able to learn the lessons life is teaching us.  (if that does not make sense its ok it does to me ) 

I am back into the thinking about going back to work mode, I would like to find that perfect part time job that will fit my schedule as there are certian things I really don't want to change right now... so I am looking for a monday tuesday wednesday 7 am to 3 pm type of job preferable in the nursing field, I have done and can do just about anything and have a valid liscense... but, I must do things in order like update my resume, and do some research of what is even out there these days.  and God help, hunt down and find the people I have worked with in the past so I can have some good references and who knows maybe they will know of something that is right up my alley of what I am thinking of looking for... cause see thats how my crazy life works... in the last 10 or so years,  I had a job that was totally out of my scope of training and when that job ended 2 hours later I was hired somewhere else, and when that ended and I was looking for something else I called an old coworker and she sent me to a job where I was hired immediately and from it there came another that was probably the best job I have ever had... and I got spoiled to that job and also burnt out ... so for 4 years I have not worked out in the public...so anway thats some of the many crazy things running through my mind...

sorry If I confuse or scare you when I let the little bits out to play :)  time to vacuum...Have a great day and weekend this weather is lovely but, where is all the rain we were told was coming??? we really need it!

brought on by a comment....

My darling daughter gives credit to my sister type person for bringing us somewhat back together...
I am not so sure that is what happened exactly...but, if she chooses to think that then that's cool.  whatever it is I am glad that she is a part of our lives and brings Halo over to see us.

speaking of my sister type person, We no longer have any contact with her, I would pretend to be shocked and surprised by this but, I am sad to say I am not as she is very much like our mother in that respect.  So if you don't mind keep her in your prayers as she has issues that are so beyond the Hodgkins Lymphoma that she SHOULD be getting treatment for now but, again, I have no contact with her so really don't know.  I have decided for me, and I may have spoken of this before if so sorry but here it is again,  I forgive you Lori, I am so very sad for you and I pray for you.   I pray that someday you understand, that where ever you go there you are.   and I really pray that you are not one of those unfortunates who are not able to grasp and develop a manor of living that requires rigorous honesty.... trust me on this one... the truth is SO MUCH EASIER.

Martha Jean sent me some pics as my camera is not working properly except when it wants to.. which appears to be not often... :( 

so just to clarify I did not take the following pictures Martha Jean did ;) 

Halo posing she loves her toes and playing with them plus she is just so darn cute when doing so

 Halo and grandma playing in the van waiting on mommy to get stuff gathered up....

 finally we both looked at the same time, had our eyes open and smiles too... :) 

 I made bbq chicken that night... Halo LOVED that bone... it had tons of flavor

 Yummmmmmmmmmmmmm or in her words...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 and she snuck a pic that's actually a really good pic of Halo with her father...

I am gearing up to go to the grocery store... before the rain comes it is supposed to get here this afternoon and stay for several days... we need it badly so I refuse to complain I just hope we don't get flooding like so many south and west of us have....
we are still having issues from the lightening storm of the first week if August, my modem on the desktop is fried, the cable modem works sometimes, two OLD tvs and vcrs are dead, the ice maker has been replaced the UV light in the fish pond still wont work even after replacing the bulb and having the transformer re wired....HATE dealing with the UV lights as they are so darn expensive and it seems that when ever a bulb goes the whole dang set up goes with it... we have three dead sets out there in the yard now... granted when they work they are worth it but, the  hassle and baloney that goes into it all is a real pain and there appears to be a monopoly on where you can get them so they can jack the price as high as they want.... grrrrr
the switch on the pool pump burned up as well so Michael removed it... we have truly been amazed at how cool this little pool has stayed even in 100 plus degree heat the water feels downright cold most of the time.

well I really must get off here and do what I need to get done.... :) happy Sunday to you all and God Bless you :)

I cant remember if...

I have told you about the lightening storms we had the first week of August or not, but this is the tree that was hit ... we have discovered in the last month that we have lost many things most of course electrical...

 remember you can click on the pics to embiggen....
I am still having computer issues with the modems tried to buy a new one today but the store was out and since  I had bradley with me and he was a bit wound up I was not going to any other stores... so this one comes and goes at the most bizzare of times usually in the mornings, and I am not 100% sure it is not knology going in and out...
Halo was over one day this week with her mom,she had just gotten up from a nap ...

 then had a good ole laugh fest with grandma.... shes suck a cutie she is nealry 18 pounds now and tasting many things eating a good bit and has no teeth yet... shes too funny she will take a bite and go MMMMMMMM

 Some local friends added me to a group on facebook called on line yard sale... and oh dear ... the good stuff that I have found... so far the best is this play kitchen ... Bradley spent several hours today "cooking"  he loves it....

 the boy is a mess busy as can be and always laughing....

he had made such a mess today that I went to grab the vacuum he ran to get his and vacuumed while I was it is just too darn cute.... well he wore me out and will be back for another long day tomorrow so.... hope all are well out in blog land... and Have a blessed weekend!!!!!!