Silence is Broken two, too, to

Just a few moments ...

2012-03-04T23:53:00.000-05:00

Well the other day we did not make it to 11 for lunch, Halo went back to bed at 9 am and bradley went at 1030, I went a few minutes after he did so we had lunch at 130 when we woke up... it was quite the day of play and cooking and being worn out.

I have come to the realisation that you guys are brilliant and apparently I am quite transparent... and I know my dr is not gonna be happy when I go back to her... well she won't be completely mad but, I find I forget to do what I am supposed to be doing as in checking blood sugars... and sometimes I forget for several hours to take meds... but, I get busy and I refuse to waste a second of time that I have to spend with Halo while shes here as I dont have any idea when they are coming back ... Martha said they plan to be back one day this coming week but, we simply dont know. I am a wonderful caretaker... of EVERYONE else ...

Remember I said a couple post back that I got a phone call and a friend needed help?
well my longest bestest friend was flying into town but stuck in Atlanta at the moment and needed to be picked up at the airport when she arrived as he father had emergency surgery that morning and ... anyway I went at midnight to get her ...she was here all week and just go back to her home in Florida last night.

Her dad is ok.

Stephanie called and said that Bradley is sick and if hes not better she will take him to the dr before bringing him here... he is due to be here tomorrow evening ... he comes monday and wednesday evenings and tuesday and thursday all day, now... so Halo and I have to get some shopping done tomorrow as we have not left the house since Friday :)

Halo Jeanette and I went out to lunch on friday to red lobster... YUMMMY... I have quite a number of pics of Halo on my phone but have not tried to load them to the computer, this droid is not as easy as my old phone was, with the old one you popped out the disc and loaded it with the droid you have to go through hell and half of Ga to get to the darn disc ... so eventually I will take the time to do it.

I'm sure there is tons I am forgetting to tell that different folks have asked me, I apologise in advance... as right now life is wrapped around halo and enjoying her... she is without a doubt the best baby, even better than Bradley was at this age if that is possible! She sleeps 12 hours a night every night, she wakes smiling and happy she plays and plays and eats and poops and sleeps very seldom is cranky at all shes sooo funnny and fun to have around... martha is so very blessed with this child... I hope she realises it one day.

well i must go... but Ihope this finds all well and Blessed !

good morning world

2012-03-01T07:30:00.000-05:00

Last night Stephanie had to work until close and had to be back to work early this morning so we decided to leave bradley at grandmas over night... at 9 pm he went to bed! his daddy said expect him to be up by two but, He sleeps through the night most of the time when he is here and if he does wake he just gets into bed with us.
Halo came last night to stay with us until her parents return from florida and finding a place to live down there... she was asleep by 10 30.
Grandma went to bed at 11 even though she was not exactly ready.
THUNDER shook the house at 615 (papa was already up of course) and Bradley came to get into the bed with grandma. by 630 more thunder woke up Halo too so I decided best to get on up and get started NOW on changing the babies sleep habits. We had cheerios and almond milk and the kids are now playing and I am loading on coffee :D I see lunch coming about 11 and naps by 12 LOL
well who knows i may have more to add later perhaps some pictures :) have a wonderful day Yall love hugs and God Bless you and keep you till we meet again!

29th day of Feb.

2012-02-29T12:08:00.000-05:00

today was my godfathers birthday.... hes been gone from earth a long time... but i always think of him at the end of February especially.

Halo is 14 months old today, and today is the day her parents are leaving to go to Florida to find a place to live. Halo is staying with grandma until they come back for her.

Today, the last 3 months have totallycaught up with me and kicked my ass I cant wake up and get functioning...

If this mess with my eye has been caused by STRESS which is entirely possible according to my dr's...

I am doomed because there is no end to the stress in my life and it seems to me that it could find a different way to manifest itself in me... like WHY CANT I BE ONE TO LOSE A TON OF WEIGHT WHEN STRESSED???
geee no, not me nothing that wonderful could happen... I go freakin blind in one eye.

to answer someone who asked, could this have anything to do with increased blood sugars? according to ALL 5 Drs. the answer is NO absolutely not, there is nothing in the pathology and presentation of my eye other than being unable to see that even comes close to diabetic retinopathy.

so In some ways I am totally greatful that that is their answer.

there is STILL the possibility that I will regain some vision but, the longer this goes on and the lack of change in my field of vision the less hopeful that I become. It is really hard to explain but the bits I can see I now can see 20/20 with my glasses on...that is IMPROVEMENT! but, there is still an incredable amount that I simply can not see.

the flashes and what not Dr Capps suggested could be the dead nerves trying to reconnect ... so that is a possibility that i have not considered and hope that she is correct in that guess and that somday they will reconnect and i will regain full vision.

in the mean time bradley and Halo will both be here soon and my house is a wreck since martha came last night to go through stuff and get it ready to gowith her when they find somewhere to live. so I must leave the computer and get busy even though all i really want to do is go back to bed.

Love hugs and God bless you and keep you until we meet again.

Its sunday already..

2012-02-26T09:59:00.000-05:00

where does my time go???

well yesterday Michael decided to go ahead and rip out the bed frames he built for the kids 8 years ago ... seems like it was much longer ago but Martha was 12 when she stayed in Missouri while Cory and I came back home and we did their rooms HERS was a surprise for her.

They served their purpose and I am grateful that all they entailed is now gone and burning in the burn hole this morning.

Martha told me last night that they have decided to leave halo here with us while they move and find a place to live, which makes me feel the slightest bit better over this move. they are leaving Wednesday night I hate the idea of them moving not so much because of the move its self but because there is so much that I see that needed to be done before the move life things BIG things that I am pretty sure wont happen at least not anytime soon and because of those decisions Martha is making some areas of her life harder on herself than it needs to be BUT, I can not make her choices for her and she wont talk to me or believe me when I try to talk to her about them so I don't talk about them anymore.

I just hope that they can do what they need to do and find a place and a reliable trustworthy sitter for Halo before they come back to get her.

I told mother about Martha moving, of course she has no clue about Halo or Mike for that matter so all mother can do is say well you know what it felt like for me when you left home. I just agree with her and go on about my business as the two situations don't come close to comparing... but that's a whole nother book in and of itself.

I had something really special and sweet happen this week, am not too sure how to begin to explain it so I will simply say THANK YOU to the person who did it... don't know if you will ever see this as I don't know who you are and that's cool too :o)

and now I really must get away from this computer and get things sorted and put away after tearing the two small bedrooms apart yesterday before Bradley comes this afternoon,   and I must go to the grocery store... anyone want to do that chore for me... I really hate the grocery store!

Love hugs and thank you all who stick by me encouraging me to carry on and putting up with my ebb and flow of blogging. God bless you and keep you till we meet again!

Hold your ears .....

2012-02-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

I may have to scream...

I can't even begin to explain what I am thinking and feeling right this second...

I guess that need to admit that I want to be in control, not because I know better but, damn it I am 44 I have moved across the country I have been there done that and I do have some freaking smarts and common sense.

I DO know and realise that this part of my life is totally out of control and out of my control BUT, I am the queen of the easier softer way... really ...

how come it is that we can look and see what would be so much easier, what needs to be done and how to do it... when it is NOT our life!   ok when its our kids and we HAVE to let them F up their lives to sink or swim or what ever the saying of the day may be....

It is insanely hard to take that step back and say, NO! sorry I cant help you do this, I can't stop you and I won't even try but DAMN I see the train wreck comming and It's driving me NUTS knowing that it will effect helpless babies who have no say...in what happens in their lives.

Ok, so if you hear a LOT of screaming from the south east of the US just know its me and That I will be ok because I know deep in my soul that God is in control and I am not. *knowing this does not make it any easier however*

if you have read this far... Bless your heart!

welp just got a phone call of a friend in need so got to go see what i can do to help her..

Halo says HI

2012-02-17T19:17:00.000-05:00

Halo Alaiah-Juliett 13 months 19 days!

we have a toddler...

2012-02-11T00:22:00.000-05:00

who loves to dance with papa..

and toddle at least 50 miles a day around the house,

and to see how much THEY can drag out to play with in a short amount of time...

lordy what a martha jean look she has here... she is her mothers baby....

and those lovely squeezy legs ...

He mother says that they are moving to Florida soon.... and I realised I have not been taking pics thanks to my eye being my camera eye... so decided to charge up the battery and get some pics because I am sure I will not deal so well with them being 8 hours away...Stephanie is working a couple jobs now so Bradley is here Sunday through Wednesday and halos been here Thursday through Saturday...

I went to the eye dr this week, my vision is 20/20 in the areas that i can see... and nothing of course in the areas that i can not... the dr still is not so sure that cat scratch fever is the cause and has some other thoughts up his sleeve... he said the swelling is SLIGHTLY less ... and we will see in time if "the damage has been done" or if there will be any return of the missing sight.

Week ago i went to the endocrine dr as my blood sugars have been elevated , we don't know yet if it is because of the infection or it the beast is making a return ... so am on glucophage again, and it is coming down to close to normal already...

I go back to the infectious disease dr, not next week but the week after ... so will see where things are then ... still taking azithromycin 600 mg every day along with vit D and Zinc as they were super low ... iron, protein, B12, things that normally bottom out in me were all actually really good... anyway have a zillion things i need to be doing and accomplishing but it appears that they are only happening in my mind right now, but hopefully soon I can make them materialize....

anyway just wanted tocheck in... hope you are allwell I did READ all your blogs but did not comment onthem all... love hugs and God bless you and keep you till we meet again.

quickie update...

2012-01-26T16:20:00.000-05:00

nothing you dont already know i am sure...
but my dx is neuroretinitis caused by cat scratch fever, even though both blood tests were negative, he said i could have had the scratch a year or more ago... but i have not had alot of the symptoms ... just my eye and now a couple lymph nodes in the back of my head are swollen but today they are not as big as yesterday but from what i see it could be MONTHS before they go down and MONTHS before i see any differently... DR patel changed my antibotic to a stronger one of the same azithromyicin and he now has a PHARMACY in his OFFICE!!!!!!!! so they filled it there and no more of the every three day bs. :D
he was very excited to be able to look into my eye and called his PA student in to have a looksee too.

Well have house work waiting on me...
had a cousin who has been very ill for a long time pass away the other night so have been busy running doing things we do when there is a death in the family... but wanted to do a quickcheck in..

may God bless you and keep you until we meet again! :)

Rainy days and mondays toss in some thick fog for free...

2012-01-23T14:49:00.000-05:00

well its a rainy FOGGY monday and I was out in it.

I met a lady and bought a really nice coach purse from her for 20 bucks... its a bit smaller than my Hallie purse and brown but something about it called my name. Then I had to go to Augusta to pick up some DVD +R discs that I had purchased to make some copies of vhs tapes that We would like to see again, or the kids would like to see ... and then to JERSEY MIKES (yes I am hooked) got a club sub today... it was good but I still love the steak and cheese best... then to the pharmacy for my EVERY FRICKIN 3 DAY pick up of my RX... they wont give me the full RX only three days at a time which is utter BULLSHIT... and a pain in my butt... but, what do you do... its either go every three days or dont get the meds.

I dont see any difference in my vision yet... I have drs appts the next three wednesdays in a row to three different drs... this weeks is to the infectious diease dr, next weeks to an endocrineologest, and the week after back to the retina specialest... then in april back to the neurologest...

I noticed last night i have a somewhat painful knot in the right back side of my head, parallel to my ear and a finger length from my ear... not sure if there is a sinus cavity there that is stuffed up, seems like there is though. so will be asking on wednesday....

Had I realised just how nasty and foggy out it is I may have postponed going out in it but, once out figured what the heck might as well get it over and done with.

Stephanie got a second job so I will be seeing Bradley more, he will be here this evening then all day tomorrow and maybe after my dr appt wednesday if I get out it time... or maybe even if I DONT she can bring him to the drs... :) maybe give them incentive to get a move on... GAH.

Martha sent me a text yesterday telling me that they have decided that they will move to florida the end of march... not happy about it but, what do you do... its like I told her... I can live with her moving away even can embrace it but, TOTALLY HATE that she is choosing to move with him.... I dont, wont, never will trust him and told her so and told her why... Anyway I pray she never regrets her choices.

I went back to my old blog again and read from 4 years ago today and 3 years ago today... both fairly depressing days...One 4 years ago had to do with today being the funeral for a 4 yr old little boy who had brain cancer, that is still a heartbreaker, I talk to his mom once in a while and read her posts on facebook daily. and 3 years ago apparently was high stress time so thankfully it is not so high stress right now as it was then.... I kinda like going back seeing where i was and what was happening... makes me greatful those days are past. hopeful not to revisit. and keep me looking forward to much better days.

oh am blathering on now saying nothing so until we meet again... may God bless you and keep you . Love n hugs ME :)

Do you ever go back...

2012-01-21T13:01:00.002-05:00

to your very first blog post and see what you were thinking?
i went back to mine march of 2006 (my first blogger post) i had a yahoo blog several years before blogger but yahoo deleted their blogs... anyway mine was BLANK!!!! lol so my second post was what i visitied...
Funny,Sad, huge MEMEORIES in those old posts...

March 22. 2006
sisterhood of the traveling....

sisters together again.... we had not seen each other in many years... have talked some but not near enough. we have had a good time running around augusta, spending time being bored together. so we shall see where there sisterhood of the traveling .... takes us ;-)

I had 0 comments in fact it was several months of blogging before anyone other than my sister made any comments.... but then eventually I met some amazing women and a couple amazing men as well....
some i have been blessed to meet in person, some I WILL eventually meet in person and some have come and gone as our lives were only ment to share paths for a while ... but all amazing memories and I have to say I am thankful that my sister decided to teach me about blogger and set up my original account for me ... for those who have been around for years you know this is my second blogger blog. :) I retired my first and sometimes wish i had not because in the end I ended up buying photo space (which is what i was trying to not have to do when i created a second blog)

so back to the original question.... do you ever go back and revisit your old posts???

Case studies!

2012-01-16T23:04:00.000-05:00

Well I went to the neurologest today... All the labs drawn last week are normal, with the exception of the ones that show I have an infection... HOWEVER those number have dropped drastically too so very close to normal.
the dr asked me if I would mind if she took the eye pics and other info WITHOUT my name included to the MEDICAL COLLEGE OF GEORGIA (GEORGIA HEALTH SCIENCES) case study review that they do each year... Told her I think that would be awesome! so I get to be a case study... cause see ... BWHAHA what a play on words there... SEE we have a sort of diagnosis. NEURORETINITIS but, we still have NO CAUSE!
so someday when you are looking up neuroretinitis the EYEBALLS you see may very well be mine!
she still thinks that this is actually been caused by cat scratch fever, but the second titers also came back normal... so... we will see next week what the infectious diease guy thinks...
In the mean time I asked for some labs to be drawn so that I know where I stand on things that I have not had drawn in years. so she said see you in three months and will call you when labs come in !
my vision is still about the same, she tested them this morning still 20/20 in my rigth eye and 20/50 ish in the left... but the preferial has not changed at all.
well must go to bed am tired and Bradley will be here soon.
Love hugs and God bless you and keep you till we meet again :)

I dont know where the time goes

2012-01-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

really I don't... it seems like it was Wednesday yesterday but I am told that it is actually Saturday nearly Sunday...
Michael was so kind as to share his cold with me... and I hate to let him know so I have not , that i believe it is something viral because I have been on antibiotics for 3 weeks now, and have him taking my old ones since there are 11 days of it left and they put me on a stronger one for the next 30 days.... yeah yeah I know but its not gonna hurt him and who know might actually help a bit... in fact he does seem to be a bit better (prolly it has run its course in him ) but... anyway ...
I have been sleeping a lot, as much as i can when i can clear my snot nose out enough to be able to breath with the c pap on...and being lazy and being lazy...
i still cant tell much difference in my vision, I go back to the neurologist Monday so who knows maybe some or all of the labs that were drawn on Wednesday will be completed, interesting thing when dealing with the Dr's who are affiliated with the hospital, now they can pull my file up on their computers and see everything even what other Dr's have done and test results etc... so pretty cool actually.
well I have been playing catch up on your blogs and hopefully managing to leave comments or just saying hi :)
Love n hugs and God bless you and keep you until we meet again :)

New dr today....

2012-01-11T20:39:00.000-05:00

Today I met with an Infectious diease dr, He ordered a ton more blood work , some, most infact is repeats of what I have had done before. The diagnosis is NEURORETINITIS... the cause is STILL UNKNOWN. He also changed my anitbotic to a stronger one for a month, and if that does not work and depending on the lab results then IV antibotics. and maybe steriods... they are testing for some interesting things ... TB is one, because yes at some point in my 16 yr nursing carrier I have worked with and been exposed to TB... my skin tests and X rays are all clear... so this is called a GOLD test... and is done with blood, they are also redoing the cat scratch fever titers as they will often give a false negative... but when reading on Diffuse Unilateral Subacute Neuroretinitis which is another name tossed out today... is really bizzare and is caused more or less by cat scratch fever... is a WORM!!! EEK.... anyway the pics of my eye are way cooler than the ones they show when you look this up on line , however there are totally identical looks about them... I took a pic of my eye pics with my phone so its a bit crooked...

anyway we are still on the hunt for a cause and hopefully finally on the right track for a treatment even without knowing. anyway thats the news of today...
Hope all is well in your necks of the woods :)
Love n hugs
God bless you and keep you until we meet again :)

Turkey and Dumplins & One more thing it is NOT.

2012-01-04T21:10:00.000-05:00

I decided to make Turkey and dumplins yesterday as it was So cold out and Michael is working on a cold... and it simply sounded GOOD.

It turned out way more than good it was fantabulous, the smoked turkey added a dimension of flavor that I did not expect.

the little bit that was left over Michael and Martha split and devoured... and said it was better the next day than the first day... hard to imagine that. we are thinking up all kinds of things to smoke and enjoy in the coming years... and different Ideas of ways to make the left overs into something amazing too :)

On to today... had my appointment with The retina specialist... He is more confounded and disturbed than I am at this point. the blood work for Cat scratch fever is negative as is everything else that I have been tested for... The list of ruled out things is as follows and there are some others I am not sure of the correct names of... but, Brain tumor, pseudotumorcerebri, MS, syphilis, gonorrhea, diabetes, TB, scarodoisis, several other things that were tested with the spinal fluid all ruled out or are Normal!!! Ha HA HA look out I AM NORMAL!... the only test left we are waiting for results on is Lyme disease... the Dr's are sending me to an infectious disease Dr in hopes that he will be able to turn up something that maybe was missed or a faulty blood test ... I go to him next week and the week after I go back to the neurologist then in a month back to the retina Dr... the good news of the day my vision and eye are NO WORSE... they are no better either ... but no worse is good.

Hope all is well with all of you in the New Year :)
God Bless you and Keep you Until we meet again!

I must have blinked....

2012-01-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

because all of a sudden it is 2012 and I somehow totally don't feel as if it should be ...

the last week of the year has held the highest highs and the lower lows.....

we had Halo turn a year old and the next day I got to go with a young woman that I met this past summer while she had her baby, I got to share in him being born and cutting the cord :) something I did not get to do with my kids (cut the cords ) or with the grand kids ...
Say Hi to Bentley, he was born at 2:05 pm on the 30th and weighed in at 7 pounds 1 ounce :)

and HI to Chacedie and a much Happier Bentley :)

new years eve I spent running picking up all I had not gotten done, plus going to the hospitals to do some visiting of The kids and then a cousin. then home to get prepared for new years day... because no matter what else happens we must have collards and black eye peas and this year we got to smoke our first turkey.... cause Santa Michael brought me the smoker I wanted for Christmas :)

it is a wonder that neighbors did not follow their noses... I sat outside for a while just to take in the smell OH HAVE MERCY....

it was over the top delicious....and since only Martha and Halo made it over, Cory had to work this weekend... there is over half the birdy left to drool over tomorrow and later in the week.

on the night of the 30th Halo and Martha came over and halo was riding the roller coaster (I found a used one the day after Christmas so now there is one here just like Bradley's... and all the kids love it...
She was having a ball...

Even the over the recommended age of 5 year old kids love it...

I caught Cory sitting on the ride Christmas day LOL

sometimes she makes this silly face when the camera flash gets to her ... it cracks me up every time!

Halo and Martha were playing with cap i tiller (yes we pronounce it the way I typed it)

then jump back to this afternoon... halo was loving gnawing on a turkey thigh bone...

she offered her prize to me... for a second then went NO NO NO... and took it back...

then more play time with Capitillar and papa... before time to go home and let grandma rest LOL... Till tomorrow...

I think I will choose not to talk about the lows of the end of the year but for those who know me ... one word will explain all... MOTHER
anyway hope you have all had a wonderful and safe New years Eve and New years Day and prayers for a bright and healthy and happy new year for all.
Love n hugs
God bless you and keep you until we meet again
:) and i go to the retina dr on the 4th !

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!

2011-12-29T18:38:00.001-05:00

365 days ago this little face came into our world... and has rocked it ever since!

these tasty toes have grown and are still as yummy as the day she was born!

She is a joy and the best baby ever... in some ways shes even easier (if that's possible) than her older cousin

She's too much fun and keeps us laughing non stop with her happy little self.

now to do SOMETHING with that wild wild hair LOL...

Happy 1st birthday my sweet itty bitty Halo you are officially 365 and 22 minutes old now! we love you Grandma and papa :)

Christmas Fun...

2011-12-26T08:53:00.000-05:00

Halo was having fun playing with the paper as she tried to open her present

She is all grins giggles and squeals

Bradley is very precise each little piece of paper must go in the trash bag before the next came off

Stephanie all smiles

Bradley opening his TRAIN!!

and riding it all over, Halo was a tad bit excited!

Gimmie my ball Momma....

well what did you do with it???

Bradley Got a roller coaster from his aunts and they brought it in for him to play and his train fit it perfectly. it was all mike could do to hold Halo back

Halo finally got a turn to ride too, that little car goes FAST!

Bradley made 5000 trips up and down if he made one and totally loves this toy

he is all giggles and grins

he would pick the train up (and it is not real light) and tote it back every trip... was so funny Cory would get in his way and he would say move pease daddy move pease!!

then back to the start again.... and again...and again

the kids had a ball and because they did we did too.... Hope you had as much fun as we have...
and a nice day of recovery today :)
may God bless you and keep you until we meet again :)

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T07:25:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Everyone, Happy holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas and happy Hanukkah and what ever else anyone calls is Happy Sunday :) Hope your day is filled with fun and joy family friends and all the good things in life.
love n hugs
God Bless you and keep you till we meet again :)

As we continue to rule things out!

2011-12-23T19:56:00.000-05:00

1st, thanks to my (step) mom who bought the kids christmas outfits we love them !! I simply dont have an eye for things like that and am about 40 years behind in fashion except for my lovely purse (thanks again Hallie everyone who sees it loves it)

now to the update i know you all are DYING to read... you are probably sick of the drama, I know I am.

Anyway... Dr Sethi confirmed what I already believed ... we have totally ruled out a brain tumor (thank God) we have totally ruled out pseudotumorcerebri (again thank you God) all of the tests on my spinal fluid were normal i cant even remember what they all were but I do not have MS I do not have something with cones glucose was good protien was good and about 5 others that I cant even remember are all good.

My two dr's had a phone conference and decided to rule out lyme diease and Cat scratch Fever as well so I had more blood drawn for that and had chest x rays to rule out scaroid sarcoid something or another I looked at the x rays and all I could tell was I have lungs and lymph nodes... and a spine :)

By the changes in my eye (i do have pics but have not bothered to scan them yet) the diamox makes me lazier and very sleepy... thats my excuse and I am sticking to it but anyway by the changes inmy eye they are totally leaning toward cat scratch fever, and whats in my eye is called neuroretinitis... I have started on a month of antibotics and will wean off the diamox in the next two days as I really dont need it since i dont have the pseudo tumor...

well the darlin hubby says he is starving so i must go fix him something to eat (i ate at 4 cause i missed earlier being at the hospital having stuff done... so if I dont see you before then, MERRY CHRISTMAS and all the other holidays that i cant spell if you celebrate them ... and God bless you and keep you till we meet again

christmas pics of the babies.... Finally!

2011-12-20T08:58:00.000-05:00

They love each other so much

he took the bulb from her...

she told him where to put it

he was not cooperating well as he was worn out and totally silly, she was tired and ready to play

love them baby feets

finally big grins

mr ham bone

Aunt Stephie and Halo

SEE I can stand all by my self.... not walking yet but can stand for ages and dance too

HEY LOOK AT ME!

still standing

in the play room looking a bit guilty of something....

well thats all folks... of course there are more pics but.... must keep the post from boring you to tears.
love hugs and God bless you and keep you until we meet again. :)

Its saturday evening....

2011-12-17T19:40:00.000-05:00

On Friday Michael and I got up and left home by 7 am to get to my 815 appt, as we really had no idea where the heck we were going and ended up parking just about as far away as you possibly could in the 16 block area of the hospitals, the lady at Dr sethi's office was more confused than ME on where I was to go to have this LP done... it was actually in the xray dept in the hospital. so good thing we were early or we would have never found it on time.
They got me right back to the back and of course it took forever to do the paper work then into xray I went... Yes I survived, not it was not particularly painful (at times it was but the pain did not last long) when the nurse HIT THE NEEDLE in my back with the xray machine ... well thank GOD i had plenty of local on board or I am sure I would have come off the table and done my best to return the pain. oddly enough it was mostly just really uncomfortable and the worst part was him removing the needle. Reminded me a great deal of the weird pain of when they removed the JP drains 6 years ago after surgery.
my CSF level was only a 9 (could be a bad reading or it really could be NORMAL) which 10 is normal... it took FOREVER it seemed to get the BIG tube full of Fluid... as they have to allow it to drain by gravity...
anyway we came home after and michael took good care of doing everything for me and when the local wore off i was really sore for about 24 hours...
Today I decided I HAD to get things done so I can mail stuff off for christmas... and it took me the better part of the day (i was going slow and taking lots of breaks I did not buy too much for the kids of course now I would not do that) Stephanie came by and got the stuff I had gotten for them for Bradley for his christmas at their house to go with the things they had gotten too... the rotten boy is gonna have a HUGE christmas LOL...by 430 i could not hold my head up so went to bed for a few hours...so now am up having my evening coffee and telling you all about it :)
I still am not done by the way, still have a few things to pick up tomorrow and then of course have to get to the post office on monday so... hopefully things wont be late. but if they are... I simply cant help it.
the vision I thought might be a bit better yesterday but today... its as bad as it has been... the Diamox is a dieuretic but i dont see where it makes me go any more than normal. I go back to the retina dr on wednesday and the neuro on friday... oh and if you want to have a heart attack... some bills have begun to come in.... so far things have cost well over 10 thousand dollars... sigh... oh well they will get a LITTLE at a time and will have to be happy with that. I did about fall over at some of the costs... HA as if I should be suprised at it. Well cant be too bothered have had good care and they have been good about working with (so far ) lol they might as well be cant suck blood from a turnip!
well my GF Laura is texting me shes in Savannah... and gonna have crab legs for supper has me drooling a pool here... so i best go figure out something to eat....prolly a stinkin ole hamburger since thats all i have here to work with and its the easiest thing to make
Happy Saturday Ya'll God bless you and keep you till we meet again :)

News! :D

2011-12-14T18:34:00.000-05:00

I went to the Neurologist today... I DO NOT have a brain tumor... I do have pseudotumorcerebri. She said they don't know what causes it to occur but what it is in a nut shell is that one, my body is making too much cerebral spinal fluid and two, it is not draining properly. so she put me on Diamox to help get the fluid off and I am scheduled on Friday for a spinal tap which will measure the pressure and then she is also having some tests run on the fluid, to rule out some things and to diagnose ... I also have some kind of infection (POSSIBLY) as one of my labs was pretty far off kilter so she ordered it to be redone along with some other labs which I went and had drawn today. so schedule is like this... Friday spinal tap, next Wednesday back to Dr Marcus (the retina specialist) then on Friday back to Dr Sethi for spinal tap and blood work results :)
she tested my vision again, and i have 20/70 ish in my left eye and 20/20 in the right and hopefully when the pressure is back to normal most if not all of my vision will come back :)

So thats where we are now and very happy to hear that it is something totally treatable and not life threatening. Thank you for all the prayers and keep them coming :)
God bless and keep you till we meet again!

just a quickie

2011-12-11T19:30:00.000-05:00

The dr told me that no call was good news, so am takinghimat hisword... I go to the neurologest on wednesday, shes been in practice 33 years and is rated one of thebest in the south east. Michael is goingwith me onwednesday... My stupid space bar is stickingagain...GRRRR

the other day we got Halo dressed up inher christmas outfit, and I came to the realisation that my view eye isof course my left oneso took pics blindly... but they turned out great I think

Little miss personality.

shesquite the ham

andof course i cut her head in the best smiling pic :)

Stephanie and I took bradley to the mall to play after his last dr appt, he had aball

the slide got a work out from him and some otther little boys...

andmy darn batteries died as I took thispic... but it was too cute :)

anyway, vision is abotu the same now am seeing flashing at times which isa total pain in the ass... and have totally taken ALL meds out of me since my last dr appt and am pretty sure this has all been happening a while longer than I thought. I think the tylenol and my incredably high tolerance for pain have masked alot of stuff and I think I blamed my old transitions glasses for some vision issues that I truely believed was the glasses and even the eye people did at first too... so I dont feel too stupid.... anyway will let y know morewhen Iknowmore.... Debbie got hugs and kisses from your babiestoday andtook somepics butthey are not loaded yet, haveto get halo ready to gopickup hermomfromwork.... so belookingwill havepicssoon:)
lovenhugs
God blessandkeep you till we meet again!

MRI today

2011-12-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

well I have never considered my self to be claustrophobic(how ever it is spelled) but I must confess I nearly freaked out... after the first 4 or 5 seconds I knew this was gonna be a trip and kept reminding myself of all the babies /children who go through this type of tests and figured if they can do it I can too...

I did have to ask to be let out when she was putting the dye in my veins, but i still could not move my head. BUT in the end I survived it... the nurse heard my bones popping when I stood up after an hour and 15 minutes in the machine and kind of laughed told her they were thanking her for letting me out!

I have a disc with the pictures of my brain, but am not sure how to save them from the disc to my computer. But in my educated mind the best i can GUESS at this point is that I did not see a tumor of any kind in my head... however I also don't have any visible ventricles on the right and very little on the left and my left eye orbit is much smaller in one view because of the swelling of my brain pushing into it.

I have lost just about all of the vision in my left eye and if it continue like it has in the last 3 weeks I figure I will be completely sightless in my left eye very soon. I am hoping/ praying that If this is pseudotumorcerebri that once they get the pressure and fluids in my brain regulated that my sight will return.

The nurse said that the dr should have my MRI results on monday and if my vision gets worse to call him on monday. Anyway thats where things are today :)

God bless you and keep you until we meet again ! Love n hugs and thank you for the prayers :)

hummm, what to say...

2011-11-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

DAD I TRIED TO CALL YOU ! So you would hear it from me and not read it here.

I spent the day being poked and photographed and looked into today, by three different eye drs and assorted others....

these are pics of the inside of my left eye... The white circles are the fluid built up around my optic nerve....causeing my lack of seeing ablilty...

I have a week of more tests coming up, blood work tomorrow after Bradleys wound clinic appt, then back to the retinal center on wednesday for more vision tests, then a mri on friday to rule out a brain tumor.

The dr thinks that I may have what is called pseudotumorcerebri but has to rule out the tumor to say for sure... then next week I will be going to a neurologest for more tests. will also confess the spinal tap in my future is not setting well but I will deal with it when it comes. SOMETIMES being a NURSE is NOT a good thing... Sigh.

I refuse to freak out to panic to fall into the doom and gloom that comes with very dire circumstances, I will however admit that the eye dr who i normally go to, did freak me out and made me cry. but by the time I got to the second drs I was fine... and by the third... well facinated to be honest with the things they were doing and showing me... even though most was really blurry as they kept my eyes dialiated. oh and they said I have papilledema too.

The drive home in theDARKand RAIN was rather... well as my dear daughter said STUPID but dang there was no one who could come get me and bring the van home so I drove. sides that had been driving all day with less than adequate vision... BLAH.

anyway wanted to let you all know whats been going on here as I find things out. so keep me in your thoughts and prayers as this is sorted out and taken care of :)
Until we meet again God bless you and keep you!!!!!

I have been MIA

2011-11-26T19:12:00.000-05:00

Yes I know, I have been too busy too crazy too everything for awhile... AND I APOLOGISE...

I have had so much going on that I have not even kept up with it myself...

I actually sat down and wrote a snail mail letter to my aunt because I could not work out the time to call her, I usually for the last 6 years have talked to her at least once a week!

Everyone here is well. We got to spend some time with all for thanksgiving, including two friends that I met online over 8 years ago, who came to share in the feast with us! IT MADE MY THANKSGIVING!

Corys still working as dispatcher, he should have his EMT testing soon

Stephanie has changed jobs about three times in 2 months... but I think finally has one that suits her

Bradley has been to the wound clinic again and goes back this coming Tuesday, IF that ONE spot has not improved as much as the surgeon thinks it should then he will be having a second skin graft on that area very soon as in next week or the week after....but he is great!

Martha lost her cracker barrel job, and under the circumstances cant say I would have done much differently, shes still working at the shoe dept at the mall so that's good, I am sure she will be hunting a second job very soon. Martha will be 20 in three days! SHEESH I just birthed her... what the heck happened to the time?

Halo is ... the silliest little thing, she is quite the entertainment when she is here. she will be 11 months in a few days then we have Christmas and her birthday HARD TO BELIEVE she will be ONE.

Michael is good, he thought he had hurt his back messing with BERTHA, the bow saw, a couple weeks ago he missed some work and spent a lot of time with the heat pad, then finally we decided that BERTHA has not caused the problem but his intake of coffee and milk verses water or cranberry juice... as he began to partake in juice and water and within 24 hours was better. I am glad I do not do a ill Michael very well... would much rather have a house full of sick people verses ONE sick Michael. Nough said... but I am sure ALL the women understand.

I have some issues happening and will have to make time to visit the eye Dr soon, Not too sure whats going on but possibly a cataract ... have a cloud in the left side of my left eyes line of vision, no pain no hurts just totally annoying.

I have allowed the on line yard sales take over my time and in turn have gotten rid of a lot of things that were in the way... HOWEVER I have also replaced much of the space I made... GAH the babies have enough clothing to last until they are a couple sizes bigger than they wear now, they have enough toys for Christmas and birthdays to cover 10 kids easily.... my HOUSE STILL looks like a toy store puked in it... and it only takes Bradley 10 minutes tops to have 99% of it drug out inventoried and is totally busy playing, He has complete conniptions when he has to go home and I fear that's gonna get worse after Christmas and he gets ALL of his THOMAS train stuff OH MY...

I had to laugh yesterday, I was BEAT from Thursday and Wednesday and so when they came over Friday I was propped up on the couch in the recliner and pretty much refused to get up... and he made a mess with some cookies, he grabbed his toy vacuum and tried to clean it up (his momma was sitting beside me in the other recliner) anyway, when his vacuum did not do as he wanted he trotted off to the bedroom closet and drug out the big vacuum and brought it to the living room and told his momma in his language to use it... so she did the small area where the mess was and he got totally upset that she did not do the entire room like grandma does... Told her, see he is a great kid he helps me! not so sure she appreciated that but, hey truth hurts! He also will not let anyone sit to eat without the blessing being said first so when they all sat to eat (i again refused to get up) he made them stop until papa had said the blessing :) he's such a good boy!

anyway have a busy time coming up as I ended up with 5 children from the angel tree (long story not telling it now ) anyway they have to be bought for and items delivered by the 9th, and if Bradley has to have surgery then I will be there plus his drs appts my own and just life in general....

Just wanted to check in on everyone and let you know we are living and well and to say I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving :)
God Bless and Keep you until we meet again!

The real who is who....

2011-11-04T13:41:00.000-04:00

Ok fun and games aside... this is the real photos of us three me, then Martha, then halo all taken between 9 months to a year I am pretty sure I was a year, martha is 10 months, and Halo 9 and a half months

Martha had a cotton head by the time she was this old... but as you can see we all look alike and in some pictures and with some expressions more than others...

whos who

2011-11-02T23:01:00.000-04:00

1st before I load the pic... thank you all for thelove and support you give me... You ALL make my days brighter andhold me up when I cant hold myself... and I cant thank you enough for that....

now for the whos who...

truthfully its not hard to tell... but still its fun :)

The short of it all...

2011-11-01T23:16:00.000-04:00

if there is such a thing as the short of it.

yeah this involves Martha...
and halo...
Saturday night Martha decided she wanted to come home, again.
she said she had enough and was ready to get her life together and make the changes that it would require for her to grow up and get out of the situation she is in.
I believed her, again and hoped and prayed that she would listen and truly sever the ties that bind her.
to take the time she need to get on her feet...
to give HERSELF a chance.
She did not.
She had made her decisions and needed a catalyst to make the reversal of her decision...
someone to blame for her staying here not working.
I am that catalyst...
I CAN NOT keep my thoughts, my opinions, my beliefs, my feelings inside me...and when certain buttons are pushed all bets are off...
and when you are standing in my house no matter how right you think you are you do not try to tell me that my husband is not providing for you...
you do not bad mouth in any way him or my life with him...
so, I said what I believed and I was right... that she wanted me to say something to provide an excuse for her to go back to him...
and she did.
At 3 am she walked out of my house leaving Halo here and walked to where ever...
this morning I got the texts I was expecting telling me how bad things are here and how bad I am and that she is staying with him and there is nothing I can say or do to change that...
I had already told her the night before that I can't make her decisions, I can't stop her from doing what ever she wants, I can voice my opinion on it and I can be unhappy with her choices but, that's it.
She came around 1245 to get her things that she had brought over and to get Halo.
She told me in her texts that she wont keep Halo away from me and will need rides from time to time... REALLY NOW...
is that so???
What she does not get ...
yet...
is that I ment what I said when I said I can not do this anymore, I can't have whats left of my heart ripped out and chunked into pieces and pulled and pushed because I love and want a relationship with my grand daughter....
and my daughter.
I can't be the baby sitter when everyone else is too busy or her father wants to go party while her mother is working. I can't be the necessary ride when its time for her to be picked up and he has not shown up. I can't get out of my bed any more at 1 am to try to help when things are bad.
I simply can't...
because you see I think more of myself.
I have to let her go, I have to let the grand child that I adore go and pray that nothing bad happens to her...
I have to keep living and I have to keep what little is left of my heart....
I have to trust that God will take care of them and that someday (everyone I have talked to who has gone through things like this SWEAR that SOMEDAY) it will all be better...
I'm sorry but, right now I seriously have my doubts.
But I am trying hard to let God have it...
and let him take care of it...
and me.
so until SOMEDAY comes....
I wait.

Contest has ended...

2011-11-01T16:09:00.000-04:00

Thank you for playing along with us...
due to the drama and crap in our lives ....
I declare all who participated winners so if you will email me your addresses I will find something that is specific to each as a prize because we need all the smiles we can get and you provided us with those.
love n hugs Laura :)

CAPTION CONTEST!

2011-10-28T21:03:00.000-04:00

this photo needs a caption...

rules to this contest are:
1. create a caption that will make me cry tears right down my leg!
2. PLEASE DO NOT link to facebook, but feel free to share the contest on your blog IF your blog is NOT linked to facebook.
3.contest will end TUESDAY at noon.
4.prize will be ... I don't know what yet but, something worthy!
5. Have fun!
*papa will pick the winner! *

I realised when I saw this pic it really needs a great caption and, that it has been way too long since I held a contest! So with all that said Have fun ! I can't wait to see what my brilliant blogger blisters and friends come up with!

Bradley and Mallorie spent the day with me...

2011-10-27T22:22:00.000-04:00

I got a call at 630 this morning, YES I was asleep :) was my friend Kim, Mallories Grandma, asking me if I could keep Mallorie today as Becca was sick and she could not take off work... I am a kid sucker... so yep Mal came to stay with Bradley and I...

WITHOUT any prompting from me they hugged hello... and I had the camera out!

then they proceeded to pull out 80% of the toys in the house (there are a few they can't reach or don't know where I have them hidden) they PLAYED together, and seperately for the next 5 hours... oh and ate too...

they cooked...

they mowed... the porch ... the weather was insanely beautiful so we opened the windows and front door.

this was just tooooooo precious them mowing together in circles through the house and on the porch... (don't forget you can click to embiggen all pics)

this pic (below) is SCREAMING for a caption contest....

and just for you MPM since you asked where the adults fit in... there is plenty of room even with all the toys scattered all about... but you must watch your step in areas lol... I really need to take a pic of what it is like when there are no kids here.... really It is all picked up and clean... I swear!

Hank was holding down the back porch... and glad the children could not get him.

they seriously were soooo good... Mal went to sleep at 1100, Bradley at 1130 ,she was up at 12 15, him at 315... I like his nap style! really I do... then at 5 their mommas (grandma) came and got them and I cleaned up to prepare for Halo tomorrow :)

and that was my day....
hope yours was HALF as much fun as mine cause if it were then you are very blessed!!!!!
Love, hugs, thoughts, and prayers. May God bless you and keep you till we meet again.

Halo Photo shoot :)

2011-10-25T13:20:00.001-04:00

*No mama, the cat is not one that is picked up by people... he is somewhat friendlier than he used to be but that is another reason he is kept from the babies. He is truely a ferral cat.

now on to more fun stuff... I have videos for you but guess what blogger isnt loading them and after 4 hours of frustration and trying I give up... so still pics will have to do...

One of marthas friends loves to take pics (almost as much as I do) and she came over yesterday and between the two of us we took over 600 pics... no i wont post all just some favorites ... showed them to a neighbor who now wants me to take her families christmas pics and pics of her kids :)

Gabby loves Halo and Halo loves Gabby too, Jordan was having a ball playing with them.

halo was not too sure about the chair but then discovered it rocks....

She waved Hi to ya'll

Jordan wanted to put her in a dress, Halo was not cooperating and gabby thought it was HYSTERICAL

we took some blankets outside ...Halo said who needs blankets and took off to the grass

and was busy checking out the leaves and grass

then decided to go find what else was out there needing her attention

jordan brought some cute little curtian thingys... halo was having fun playing, wheres Halo...

then she got tickled at jordan

and finally broke out into huge grins and giggles

then Jordan snuck in a kiss

was too cute :)

Halo said, more Jo Jo more :)

we have two teeth through now and Halo is very interested when anyone is eating anything around her and has to have some too... she is too funny! anyway hope you enjoyed our photo session as much as we have
till we meet again ! God Bless you and keep you !

giggles

2011-10-22T21:12:00.000-04:00

I DONT HAVE A CAT... HE HAS ME... he is a ferral cat that someone dumped out here several years ago... the bastid bites and scratches me at times but he also will come lay on my feet. he lives outside and comes around when he wants something to eat. Mike hates him and he hates mike....bradley and halo LOVE the cat but we try hard to keep him away from them because he is so unpredictable, he scratched bradley one day and I thought mike would kill him instead he threw a coffee cup at him...

you guys have figured me out...

2011-10-21T23:26:00.000-04:00

you are completely correct farm lady, I do function well when I am needed and there are things I need to do... I don't like to just sit around or do nothing.... very often but, I can't tell a lie there are times when I do just bury my nose in a great book and travel off to another time and place for a bit and let other stuff go.

My day in reverse :)

I made some chicken pies tonight... (flash on)

we would have been fine with just the small one (flash Off)... but we have plenty of left overs :)

Hank was letting me practice on him with the nikon...

then he got a cattatude....

and gave me the back of his head...

the tree that was hit by lightening a while back... :( is not going to make it....

there is a little silver speck (click to embiggen) it was a plane flying VERY high up

the confederate roses are blooming so we practiced a bit with close ups too...

Mike got BIG BERTHA out and took down a couple dead trees, and there are about 15 pines on his list... soon very soon they will be down!

this morning I went to Glascock county, about 50 miles south of here to deliver a van load of baby things to a young girl who needed them... Myself and two other families pooled thing together for her. It was a beautiful, slightly chilly day... I love fall when the cotton is ready to harvest, so of course I had to stop and get a few pics

it is just soooo darn pretty

makes me smile in a big way to get to see things that God has made...

I saw some old places that I wanted to stop and take pics of but traffic got kinda crazy and I was trying not to miss the turns to get back home ... so I only missed one had to go back but, I knew it as soon as I passed it so only went a city block...a little town block LOL and cut through a cemetery to get on the right road....

Am totally over our heat pump... we have had it barely 5 and a half years have had more problems with it than we did the old system in 19 years... It turned really cold here the last night and mike turned the heat on and the blower motor blew out... technically I think it is still under warranty but, after the out side motor blew this past spring and it took them 2 weeks and we eventually replaced the motor ourselves... mike said bad words and that he will take the part to work on Monday and get a replacement on his own....

I went to Genes funeral last night ... there was a MOB of people from all walks of life there... Gene was very loved by so many, it was really extra special ... I have a funny tale from it but, I think I will keep it for myself for a spell.

Teresa, the lady who I traded my old camera for her cedar chest is totally LOVING the camera and we are making plans to get together pretty soon ...we live about 50 miles apart so has to be a bit of planning involved and plans to spend the whole day together too... we have so many of the same interests and the same slightly twisted sense of humor so not only did I get the chest I wanted and her the camera she wanted but a new friend too and that is PRICELESS :)

I went yesterday and got TWO new pairs of glasses for 67 dollars :) my old glasses less than two years old and the second pair that the transitions have come apart on... had to be replaced and I am so done with the place I have gone to for over 10 years after these last two pairs issues... so got one clear lenses and one sunglasses and am SO OVER THE TOP HAPPY !!!!!! *and I can see without the transition fog*

I had some of the pics I posted in the last post printed just to see how they would print ... and OH MY WOW!!!! I am so amazed, thrilled, happy, giddy, a tiny bit suprised , and did I mention happy with how the pictures from the Nikon prints... and YES DAD I HAD EXTRAS MADE TO SEND YOU and JEANNIE!!! :) umm I do need your new mailing address so call me when you read this and tell me... HA HA HA isn't it funny I can drive 770 miles to your door but can't remember your new address any better than I could the old one for umpteen years.....

I am sure there is more ratteling through my little head but, it will have to come out and play another time... hope you are all having as good of a time as I am :) love hugs and prayers for all... until we meet again, God bless you and keep you !

busy busy busy

2011-10-19T23:28:00.000-04:00

trying to think where to begin with the stuff thats been going on...last saturday morning I got a phone call from my cousin (mikes cousin) schlena, Her brother had been in a motorcycle accident that morning 630 am and had been killed, there are a couple senerios as to what happend... he either lost control after crossing the train tracks, or a deer or other animal ran out in front of him or something else in the road caused him to lose control and wreck...Gene was a retiired deputy sherriff in Aiken county South Carolina, he was 64. And will be missed.

There was all kinds of other stuff going on but for the life of me I cant think right now what...

Sunday Cory Stephanie and Bradley came over to VISIT!!!! then they left :) (pics below)

Monday, Schlena and Pauline wanted to go see Gene at the funeral home before he was cremated, So I took them... It went very well, they got the closure they needed and I got to spend time with them. Mike Had his teeth removed and was home giving me the thumbs up when I walked in... Later that evening he told me that hands down this was the BEST dentest and office staff on the planet and he woudl reccomend them to EVERYONE... so If you need dental work call me will get you right to them :)

yesterday... went to south carolina to meet a woman....

OH I DO SO LOVE THE ON LINE YARD SALES!!!

she advertised a cedar chest... a very old beautiful LANE cedar chest... I have wanted a cedar chest since i was a child... mother had one, I did not get it... it was gone long before I had a chance to get it... but I digress... ANYWAY... this lady wanted a camera.... and I happend to have 2 back up cameras since I just got the Nikon.... so YEP we TRADED!!!!!! :) LOVE LOVE LOVE trading!!!

I will post pics of it soon... cant believe I have been too busy to take any yet...

and today I got to have BoTH babies spend the day with me so I invited a very good friend of Marthas to come go running with us (I LOVE how my kids friends still love me even when My kids dont ) so JOJO went with us... we had a bunch of errands to run and then we went out to eat and laughed and talked and played then it was time for the babies to go home and mike to get off work and supper and now to blog so enjoy the pics.

No matter how old (Becca is 20) Malorie 13 months the kids love the play kitchen!!!

the daughter type person had to get in the play as well... :) she can deny all she wants but she had fun too.

Oh and I forgot we had a storm come through one day last week and no power so I took some pics in the dark with the nikon to see how they would turn out... love the candle!

halo was having fun working on the china cabinet

and LOOKIE... (click pic to embiggen and SEE) SHE CUT A TOOTH bottom left is though!!! 9 and a half months old and we have tooth!!!!!

I do believe she is a HAM....she loves to play close to papa

and to learn to drink from a sippy with papa... when she came over martha handed her to me, usually mike is not home but he had come home after the dental work so he was here... she saw him and nearly jumped out of my arms wriggleing and squeeling to get to her papa ... all he did was smile and wave...then got her and they were happy :)

we had a bit of poop emergency at 1230... she had eatten a jar of carrots with cerial and a jar of bananas, I heard her go grabbed her up to change her and when I laid her down it flooded up her back... so to the sink we went... (papa was asleep already and we did not want to wake him up and the tub is in our bedroom)

when they finished supper they came over... Bradley had to have a popscicle...

he was barefooted and stepped up to get one then JUMPED down ... I caught him in the up position... it was too funny

mike and cory were messing around and I caught them too.

then Bradley and papa had some work to do

halo loves the jumper and I think i may even have videos to load in the next post....

she was playing patty cakes with papa

today Bradley and Halo were playing together ... they do adore each other...

he got side tracked by the thomas video and so she went to get her ball...

today while we were out running errands... we came across this family flying kites and this Kite is absolutely the most beautiful thing... so we stopped and took pics and bradley went nuts saying KITES KITES KITES about 14 million times

the dad had a small kite that was WAY up in the air his flew and flew while mom tried to help their son and to fly this HUGE kite.

oh and mom made a trip back to the ER last night or the night before... but shes back home (nursnig home now) talked to her tonight shes feeling much better.... Mikes a million times better and got several more super busy days coming up.... funeral is tomorrow... and I need glasses BAD... so gonna try to get that done tomorrow (mine are having issues in a bad way) and i forget what all else has to be accomplished so ... have a great day ! love hugs and God bless!

prayers requested

2011-10-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

One of our many blisters Stephanie of http://steph-dailylife.blogspot.com/ lost her grandmother today, she sent me a message asking that I pass along the information. It has been a long hard battle and Grandma is now resing with our Lord.
Thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers for her family and friends.
Love hugs and God bless
Laura

WOW where has the time gone... AGAIN!

2011-10-12T00:46:00.000-04:00

It has been so crazy here...gee big suprise huh...

I have so much to tell you all... but will try to keep it short and sweet.

the question I asked a post or two back about what would you do if you found nearly 7000.00, well it really did happen to me. its a bit complicated but a deposit was made into my account and when I saw it I knew it was a mistake so I immediately shot an email to the sender, it took them a week and couple days to find the error then I sent it back to them.

nope no reward but I did not expect one. :)

I have mentioned the facebook group On line yard sale before, its a local group of 7000 people in the augusta area and the other day a woman posted a nikon D70 camera.

EVERYONE who knows anything about me knows I have been drooling for a nikon forYEARS...

I was third on the list of people who were wanting the camera and I really never dreamed the ones before me would pass... BUT THEY DID!!!!!!! and I got it!!!!! took every penny of my stash and change jar and couch cushions and autos and selling a few little things to come up with the price but let me tell you she really went low as far as I am concerned in her asking price. AND I AM GREATFUL because I AM IN LOVE with this camera... just like I knew I would be... I took 280 pics today with it... and the first I loaded was sent to her... she is happy I am so happy with it! all of the following pics were taken with my new toy on different settings and lights... dont forget you can clickthe pics to embiggen :)

Becca brough Malorie over to play with Halo and to see me... we had a great day together

Halo says WHO NEEDS TO BE IN theWALKER ?

they play together so very well malorie is 13 months and halo is 9 months now... they crawl and chase each other and play with the toys together and giggle and laugh and talk in their language and Becca and I just laugh and marvel at the joy and fun they have together.

This pic blew me away... she so reminds me of me ... and martha at this age...

this is a pic of me with my elephant ELJ... I still have ElJ he sits in my curio beside this picture... he does not hold his head up any more... poor guy...

papa came home and if there is such a thing as a running crawl halo has it she SHOT to the door before he could set his coffee cup down was at his feet begging to be picked up.

then they had some coffee (her mother will shit) she has said forever NO coffee for halo... sorry we disobeyed but, you know the rules ... what happens at grandmas ... stays at grandmas... sort of LOL

She adores her papa and he adores her...

I was cooking some chicken soup (home made with some things I had here) I was not positive it would be good... it was amazing...anyway papa was holding halo because she loves to get underfoot and I had HOT stuff on the stove... and she conked out! poor papa has a bad wisdom tooth and the dentest cant see him until thursday... he was in pain...

the soup... was delish!

sorry its taken me so long to get back...things are getting crazy busy right now... but rest assured I will be taking LOTS of pictures...
love hugs and God bless you and keep you till we meet again :)
oh and dad, Jeannie... I think I may be taking pics for christmas with this camera I just dont see paying someone else at this point LOL... this camera is SOOOOO AMAZING!

Grandma had an inspiration

2011-10-07T00:29:00.000-04:00

We got this bouncey swing for Bradley and he loved it, he loved the one he had at his house too but, we only have one door way that it works in and it is a pain in the butt to hang it there... so the other night I had a moment of brilliance and realised that where mike has been working on the roof there are exposed beams so I hung it out there for Halo to play in while we are out side ...SHE LOVES IT!

I hope the sound comes through as she was steady jabbering while jumping and spinning ...

Halo came to visit tonight for a few hours so we headed back out after she had supper.... she is so fun... and funny

then I had a Kodak moment and caught papa, mama and halo together...

Skinny Hefer looks better than she did before having Halo... Yeah shes my kid :)

Halo loves to chew on rags... i think it wont be too long before she has teeth, am afraid shes gonna be like her mama and cut them ALL at one time... we went through HELL when martha cut teeth...

those DELISH thighs... I have rolls like those why are they not seen as so cute and delish??? sigh...

She loves to blow spitty bubbles....

more of those delish thighs... oh and she LAUGHS ... real belly laughs now it is soooo very funny... and she says UTT OHHH and HEY .... anyway thought you guys might enjoy these :)

on the lighter side...

2011-10-03T17:37:00.000-04:00

Bradley Loves to help papa, he would not stop smiling

they had to work on the tractor

more huge smiles

driving again

Halo said HEY WHATS GOING ON OVER THERE?

Bradley sat down to take a pic with halo, he first was trying to sit on her lap LOL

anything Bradley can do Halo tries to do as well.

Halo stands up on everything and tries to climb up on it

yep I can do what he does

they have tons of fun at grandmas house....

Bradley loves to slide

and swing while watching word world, and his other favorite shows....

Hope you all have a wonderful week! and I have not forgotten about getting pics together just have not had time... yet... :)

the more I

2011-10-02T01:35:00.000-04:00

think about the details of the situation... the more angry I get...
I need to thank all who read commented asked in private about whats going on...I love all of you so much...
now I need to try to let it go... to prevent it from escalating into something that can't be forgiven and if not forgotten NO IT WONT BE FORGOTTEN... but at the very least something that does not cause me to see red every time i think about it...time to rise above the personS trying to drag me down to their level...
because, I am not like them and wont be like them ever. I think more of myself than that. period.

that being said I have a hypothetical question for everyone... one that has nothing to do with the drama of the last several days...

What would you do if suddenly you found nearly 7 thousand dollars?
would you keep it?
would you try to find its rightful owner?
would you take a while to mull it over then decide?
anyway I am just curious about how you would handle a situation like that....
one day I will fully explain why I am curious to see ... and please give me your gut reaction your most natural response ...

anyway its really late and I just want to thank you all again!

WOULD YOU EVER....

2011-09-30T00:01:00.000-04:00

just like to scream....then scream some more?

I am not a screamer by design, I am physically incapabable of screaming.... well one time I did let out a shreek that martha said was a real girl scream but, I am not so sure.... but anyway tonight I want to scream... a lot!

its nothing new, nothing different, just one of those things in life that drives one over the edge and makes them want to SCREAM!

and I think the main reason I want to scream is simply because I can't talk about it and can't write about it and really have no outlet for it... and don't know how to fix it (that will be satisfactory to all involved) and it's not ever going to change no matter how bad I want it to... and well screaming wont help but, maybe just for a moment I will not feel so frustrated over it...

because, unfortunately in life you have to deal with some people... and in dealing with some people you will never be allowed to use common sense or understanding because they won't ever be anything like you are ... they won't think like you do, they won't feel like you do and won't believe like you do... or in my case LIKE I DO.

you see I see a totally different solution to the crap than they do... and no matter what I say to them or those involved ... they will twist and turn and bring in old crap that was long dead at least I thought it was... which bring more frustration and yeah a little bit of anger that will pass fairly quickly...

Since when is is wrong to work your ass off to have and do things? when is it wrong to want ot be a part of SHARE in the enjoyment of... and JUST because you may have a bit more than, and you are willing to share what you have... yet you are the BAD GUY because you finally get enough a say something... trying to express the way you feel, yet your feelings are thrown out and tossed aside as not as important as someone elses because YOU MADE THE CHOICE to work to have and be able to do....

I feel like the kid in kindergarden who took care of her toys and just because I did not want the other kids to tear them up was called selfish... did not mind playing with them with others just did not want it destroyed mind you... so am punished because i have something that someone else does not ... because they chose a different lifestyle... I guess it is safe to say they are jealous. yet, they call me the jealous one because I express my unhappyness over something that is big enough for all to play with and share in...

Sigh I am sorry but, since I can't scream...and can't reaally give the details of what I am talking about.... I probably have lost you, given you a headache, or totally convinced you that I am NUTS.... but,

hey who knows maybe I am crazy ... NUTS....

Naw, just frustrated...and like so many things in life this too shall pass... and I am sure it will creep up again at another time in life because the people that are involved in it will always be a part of my life...

and NO MARTHA I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU... this time.

just for you my loyal viewers I will

2011-09-23T23:40:00.000-04:00

this weekend I promise... dig up some pics of me, my kids and of course the babies to show you just how correct you are in how these babies look like their parents. (helen and others who have asked :)

It has been one of THOSE Fridays,

my phone rang at 8 am and woke me up...

it was Cory... asking if he could come sleep here today as the nissan was done but they dont have the money to pay the man to get the car yet, they hoped to get that done today but, when you work all night and go to school and well anyway it simply was not gonna get done and, their A/C is messed up, we believe the drain line is stopped up causing a minor flood ... GAH

I already have Bradley for Thursdays and Fridays so told him thats fine come on....

so Bradley and I had a date to meet a woman from aiken, south carolina to get some clothing for him (had already gotten him some boots from her) so we headed out to south carolina to meet her then came home fixed some lunch and then it was nap time...

in the mean time Martha had already asked me to take her to work this evening and to keep Halo for her....

so at 430 Bradley and I headed out to get Martha and Halo, took Martha and dropped her off rushed home to fix Cory and Bradley and Halo something to eat then headed back to south carolina to take Cory to work by 7 we got there at 2 minutes till.... then headed back to augusta to meet Stephanie who got off work at 7 so Bradley could go home with her, then Halo and I headed back home... had supper and played, then Halo crashed and I want to but, Martha wont be off work for another half hour or so.... so am playing catch up on here....

shhhhhh dont say anything too loud but we have had constant internet service for TWO whole days now!!!!!!

I dont know about your areas but facebook (ok some local people on facebook ) had a great idea to make an online yard sale site (there are over 6000 members) I have gotten all the clothing Halo will need for winter, most of what Bradley will need for winter and some super great toys for the kids ALL for under 100.00 bucks! (98 is still under 100 right???) now I really need to SELL some STUFF lol... I am not a good seller I am a much better giverawayer.... Michael yelled at me to NOT give away but to SELL the stuff... but I have a girlfriend coming over tomorrow who I am sure I will GIVE the stuff she needs for her little girl... Shhh again... dont tell him HA HA HA... poor man he knows me too well....

in the mean time I need someone with a bit of time to make a grocery run for me... we are totally out of milk, butter, cooking oil, cheese, nearly out of bread, and on our last can of coffee!!!!!

I have to go tomorrow at 9 to get the swing slide set I got for the kids THEY WILL LOVE IT, and then figure out how to get my darling hubby to rip out Corys old bed room so I can make it into the spare room, and, the one lori was living in, into a play room for the kids... or else figure out where to move a couch so the swing /slide set can fit in here... hummm guess I will stop at the store sometime tomorrow since no one is jumping on the chance to go to the store for me... :)

ok well its late and I see by reading what I have written that this could become very confusing LOL... love hugs prayers and hope you all have a very blessed weekend!

Halo is

2011-09-20T11:17:00.000-04:00

mobile now... she is fast and so funny! she has so many toys to play with but, is facinated by the kitchen floor so had to be rerouted many many times.

she spent the day and part of the evening with Papa and Grandma,

one of her many trips to the kitchen, and under the dining room table!

she found papas watch to be of huge interest... and of course papa is a wonderful climbing toy

he would make fun noises and she would try to copy him, then he poked her belly and she laughed and chewed on her finger, she still has no teeth and no real signs of any other than the constant drool!

Shes such a happy and good baby, she had peas and turkey leg for supper and it is just too fun to watch her feel out the new textures and tastes.

well got stuff to accomplish today but wanted to pop in and say hi and share halo pics,
shes 18 pounds now, she went to the dr last monday with an ear infection and is feeling a million times better still has the nasty runny nose and cough but not nearly as bad as before, poor MJ her first time with a sick baby, I think the baby delt so much better than she did :)

Have a blessed day and week till we meet again!

I am

2011-09-17T22:10:00.000-04:00

alive and well just having massive internet issues have been dealing with knology had two different guys here to work on the problem but, of course it stays on when they are here... keeping a journal for the tech this weekend well since last week really and will be continuing to try to get the issue resolved... We know it is not the computers as both have been checked out and both work perfectly when the lines work...
lots going on here will update as I am able and hope to catch up with all of you too!
love hugs and God bless!

A HUGE THANK YOU !!!

2011-09-09T18:07:00.000-04:00

to whom ever made my day!!!!

I was told a couple years ago how great these turvis cups are and got one that I use daily... It goes everywhere with me an has been dropped and bounced and loved and snuggled ... but anyway SOMEONE out there in the world picked the georgia Peach one out for me and sent it to me and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! :)

my get up and go...

2011-09-07T15:42:00.000-04:00

got up and went... dang it... its hiding from me... I spent the day yesterday doing stuff, it was tiring but fun.

I could not sleep last night, I am becoming convinced that restless leg syndrome is totally attacking me... my legs kick at the most bizarre of times and my feet tingle and cramp... and of course my mind does not seem to shut off... so I get up and spend half the night watching mindless crap on the tv.

Then when I finally get up I find that I have no energy to do anything past thinking of what I really need to get done....fortunately there is nothing major that needs to be done, just the annoying things that make life a bit less complicated ... like I need to vacuum, so will do that eventually, need to go pick up milk and toilet paper but there is enough to last until tomorrow so I see that being put off until then.

tomorrow and Friday Bradley will be here : ) that makes me smile even though I know I will be worn out by the end of two 13 hour days of chasing a toddler who is into everything but all smiles while getting into it ...

I am trying to convince myself that it is NOT my responsibility to see that my grand kids have the clothing, diapers, formula and other life items that I WANT them to have but, maybe they just don't need ... from me.

I am really bad about taking from US to see to it that the kids and babies have all that I think they should and I need to correct that. It is not fair to us. Hell, I even did that to try to help my sister, maybe that is the wake up call I needed to see... because in spite of forgiving her for what she has done or not done caused or not caused I cant help but, analyze it all to death... and try to figure out what exactly it is I am supposed to learn from the situation... because you see I see all things in life as a mode to learn SOMETHING... ANYTHING because life is about learning ... but we have to be ready willing and able to learn the lessons life is teaching us. (if that does not make sense its ok it does to me )

I am back into the thinking about going back to work mode, I would like to find that perfect part time job that will fit my schedule as there are certian things I really don't want to change right now... so I am looking for a monday tuesday wednesday 7 am to 3 pm type of job preferable in the nursing field, I have done and can do just about anything and have a valid liscense... but, I must do things in order like update my resume, and do some research of what is even out there these days. and God help, hunt down and find the people I have worked with in the past so I can have some good references and who knows maybe they will know of something that is right up my alley of what I am thinking of looking for... cause see thats how my crazy life works... in the last 10 or so years, I had a job that was totally out of my scope of training and when that job ended 2 hours later I was hired somewhere else, and when that ended and I was looking for something else I called an old coworker and she sent me to a job where I was hired immediately and from it there came another that was probably the best job I have ever had... and I got spoiled to that job and also burnt out ... so for 4 years I have not worked out in the public...so anway thats some of the many crazy things running through my mind...

sorry If I confuse or scare you when I let the little bits out to play :) time to vacuum...Have a great day and weekend this weather is lovely but, where is all the rain we were told was coming??? we really need it!

brought on by a comment....

2011-09-04T11:44:00.001-04:00

My darling daughter gives credit to my sister type person for bringing us somewhat back together...
I am not so sure that is what happened exactly...but, if she chooses to think that then that's cool. whatever it is I am glad that she is a part of our lives and brings Halo over to see us.

speaking of my sister type person, We no longer have any contact with her, I would pretend to be shocked and surprised by this but, I am sad to say I am not as she is very much like our mother in that respect. So if you don't mind keep her in your prayers as she has issues that are so beyond the Hodgkins Lymphoma that she SHOULD be getting treatment for now but, again, I have no contact with her so really don't know. I have decided for me, and I may have spoken of this before if so sorry but here it is again, I forgive you Lori, I am so very sad for you and I pray for you. I pray that someday you understand, that where ever you go there you are. and I really pray that you are not one of those unfortunates who are not able to grasp and develop a manor of living that requires rigorous honesty.... trust me on this one... the truth is SO MUCH EASIER.

Martha Jean sent me some pics as my camera is not working properly except when it wants to.. which appears to be not often... :(

so just to clarify I did not take the following pictures Martha Jean did ;)

Halo posing she loves her toes and playing with them plus she is just so darn cute when doing so

Halo and grandma playing in the van waiting on mommy to get stuff gathered up....

finally we both looked at the same time, had our eyes open and smiles too... :)

I made bbq chicken that night... Halo LOVED that bone... it had tons of flavor

Yummmmmmmmmmmmmm or in her words...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

and she snuck a pic that's actually a really good pic of Halo with her father...

I am gearing up to go to the grocery store... before the rain comes it is supposed to get here this afternoon and stay for several days... we need it badly so I refuse to complain I just hope we don't get flooding like so many south and west of us have....
we are still having issues from the lightening storm of the first week if August, my modem on the desktop is fried, the cable modem works sometimes, two OLD tvs and vcrs are dead, the ice maker has been replaced the UV light in the fish pond still wont work even after replacing the bulb and having the transformer re wired....HATE dealing with the UV lights as they are so darn expensive and it seems that when ever a bulb goes the whole dang set up goes with it... we have three dead sets out there in the yard now... granted when they work they are worth it but, the hassle and baloney that goes into it all is a real pain and there appears to be a monopoly on where you can get them so they can jack the price as high as they want.... grrrrr
the switch on the pool pump burned up as well so Michael removed it... we have truly been amazed at how cool this little pool has stayed even in 100 plus degree heat the water feels downright cold most of the time.

well I really must get off here and do what I need to get done.... :) happy Sunday to you all and God Bless you :)

I cant remember if...

2011-09-01T22:39:00.000-04:00

I have told you about the lightening storms we had the first week of August or not, but this is the tree that was hit ... we have discovered in the last month that we have lost many things most of course electrical...

remember you can click on the pics to embiggen....
I am still having computer issues with the modems tried to buy a new one today but the store was out and since I had bradley with me and he was a bit wound up I was not going to any other stores... so this one comes and goes at the most bizzare of times usually in the mornings, and I am not 100% sure it is not knology going in and out...
Halo was over one day this week with her mom,she had just gotten up from a nap ...

then had a good ole laugh fest with grandma.... shes suck a cutie she is nealry 18 pounds now and tasting many things eating a good bit and has no teeth yet... shes too funny she will take a bite and go MMMMMMMM

Some local friends added me to a group on facebook called on line yard sale... and oh dear ... the good stuff that I have found... so far the best is this play kitchen ... Bradley spent several hours today "cooking" he loves it....

the boy is a mess busy as can be and always laughing....

he had made such a mess today that I went to grab the vacuum he ran to get his and vacuumed while I was it is just too darn cute.... well he wore me out and will be back for another long day tomorrow so.... hope all are well out in blog land... and Have a blessed weekend!!!!!!

thank you ladies!

2011-08-28T11:05:00.000-04:00

you know I have the most wonderful BLISTERS (term borrowed from daryl or lauren or someone but I love it) anyway thank you ladies for being here for reading my blathering my complaints, my dull life, the exciting, the drama ,the down right crazy....

some of you know more details than others and its ok, those who know less are less traumatised I am sure....
Michael and I have talked adnausieum about the situation I put us in, and realised in the talking about it just how deeply in shock we were from it all... apparently we all have some dysfunctional people in our lives and just how deeply involved with them we are varies... but , we have come to believe that I am a magnet for the sick twisted and insane in all areas of life.

And, for some reason I think I can help them and apparently they think so too as they show up here, I mean seriously the neighbors dog took up here for 7 years or more, Hank the cat who has meowed so much he no longer sounds like a tom cat but like a frog someone has stepped on and STILL after all these years will attack and scratch and bite me out of the blue yet he seems to think I am his person... my kids, my parents my bio parents my siblings... the list goes on and on....

BUT, I am a forgiving person, and even though bits of trauma jump up out of the blue and smack me. I forgive her for the last three months of insanity... I still love her... and to a VERY slim extent would try to help her in the future. I wish her well, I hope she is finally where she needs to be and I hope that she lives a long happy life...

see I do know that I allowed this to happen because, it was me who not only invited her to come stay here to try to help her get back on her feet to help her figure out what and where she wanted and needed to be but, I also provided the MEANS as in money for her to get here, and money to help her while she was here... I did try to do it in exchange for something that she claimed ment something to her and I still have the something and maybe someday she will want it back and will send me the aggreed upon amount of money... but IF YOU ARE READING THIS SISTER there is a ONE YEAR time limit on that then I will give them to someone who you have something of hers something that means something to her... because you see NEITHER Item is worth much money it is the sentimental value that matters.

Sorry had to let that information out as I know she used to stalk my blog and since she has deleted my entire family from her life and deleted any way we had to contact her ... well this is my way of letting her know...

anyway back to my fault in all of this mess... you need to know my blisters that I have apologised to my husband many times over the last three months and he has assured me that I did no wrong in this situation that I did all I could to try to help. We provided a safe home, food, electricity, the van, the truck, repairs to her car, emotional support as best we could and that was not accepted... some bizzare things apparently were expected and when they were not given then we were shut out and honest thats really ok....

to my lovely daughter and son... I still have to smile as I replay the words you said to me last Thursday afternoon... and I totally accept them... Yes, YOU TOLD ME SO... :) enjoy them as you WILL NOT get to use them on me too often... and for what its worth your brother made sure to say I TOLD YOU SO MAMA as well... in spite of all of the crazy sometimes bad choices you two have made I love you and am proud of you both as you are very good people and will One day have your shit straight. :) I am learning that those choices good bad sideways and upside down are just a part of growing up and even though I wish you did not have to put yourselves through so much shit... I am learning that you have to and I have to let you.

so my blisters I am recovering and life is getting back to its happy serene boring self and I am glad....
speaking of Bradley and I went swimming the other day and as I was dipping out the bugs dipped out the BIGGEST UGLIEST SPIDER .... It actually BUGGED me in how HUGE it was even though it was dead... I really dont like spiders LOL....

And are you ready for this??? Michael has gone to the store TWICE in the last two weeks WITH ME... His limit is usually once a year!!! he went again last night and it was really nice to be in the store with him... he even kissed me in the check out line (inside joke but its true) and Hallie just so you know he is really cute when he holds this red/pink coach purse for me to run to the restroom :)

so thanks again ladies for all the support and texts and calls and love you send my way it keeps me going :)
Happy Sunday and God bless :)

PS Martha Jean I really want to load those pics you took of me and halo sometime soon as they are really good and guys please shed a tear for me... I had to choose to drop one of the kids or my purse a week or so ago so the purse dropped and I think I have KILLED YET ANOHTER CAMERA :(

welcome home serenity...

2011-08-26T23:05:00.000-04:00

I have debated on what I want to say want to share want to get out.... and have pretty much decided to simply say... welcome home serenity I have missed you something awful... and Michael has too... we welcome you home with open arms and hope and pray you never leave us again...

sometimes

2011-08-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

I wonder what the heck is going on in others heads... then I figure I might not want to know.

there is so much I want to talk about to ask about to ...

but, not so sure that others want me to be a part of their lives... and I am not one to push into where I am not wanted.

I don't understand how....

do I really want to???

Cant help but wonder how people ...ok some people not all people....

well HELL this is getting me no where and solving nothing... as if there is a solution.

THERE IS A SOLUTION.

Anyway... all tapped out. got nothing left to give...

HATE FEELING this way...it is NOT me, NOT who I am, NOT how I live yet, find myself in it up to my neck and not sure how to fix it change it make it go ... MUST find MY SERENITY....

WILL FIND IT :) KNOW HOW TO AND WHERE TO...

Be back when I have it...

love hugs and God bless :)

playing catch up from 8-4 -11 onward....

2011-08-15T10:32:00.000-04:00

my bestie longest friend came to town and we took bradley to the zoo in columbia on the 4th of august.. it was JUST 104 degrees out... insanely hot. but, HE loved it!

somewhere I have a picture of his daddy and three of his friends when they were 4 years old sitting on this very turtle!

the flamingos are beautiful but DARN they STINK!

dragon sitting is so much fun....

these guys would dash by his hands and fingers I think they liked playing with the children on the other side of the glass...

Bradley liked climbing then jumping down from these rocks...

he and jeanette fed the goats until we ran out of quarters and had picked up most of the food that had been dropped by others...

of course he had to give the goat a kiss too... then we RAN to the sinks and scrubbed of the slobbers and slime from them... but they were just too cute!

I am not sure who was more excited here the riff raff jeanette or bradley ... there were two babies here too and they would come to get their share...

click the pic below and check out the tongues on the babies they were loving the kids feeding them and petting them... (the would love being wild even more i am sure but, they have a good life )

all the kids love these statues that are scattered though out the park and sitting on them and taking pics...

our last stop was inside the aquariums, partly because they were cool inside and we were melting! Bradley thought these were the best thing he would run from one to the next and back to sit on the little steps and he would yell PISH PISH PISH... he was a tad excited!

Halo has been coming over pretty regularly... its good to see her and spend time with her she loved the pork steak bone... suck, chew, slobber, drool ,repeat... she is such a good baby and plays and play and is learning to crawl and sit on her own :)

Michael has been working outside for a bit now knocking down walls pouring concrete making a BIG wonderful patio putting some roof up and just making things very nice for us all out in the back yard.

Ha ha Halo loves chewing on a cloth diaper(burp rag) sHE WILL LOVE IT AND SNUGGLE IT BITE IT PET IT AND CALL IT GEORGE... OH sorry cap loc and mental slip into an old movie there... can you name the movie(with a few additions from me in that )

and halo and papa have fun too... she will about break her neck to see him when he comes in and will hollar if he leaves the room until he comes back... she loves her papa and he loves her :)

now on to SOME not all of the stuff happening around here...
last monday (week ago) cory called me said momma the car wont start and i have to be to work in 30... stephanie is at work. can you carry me to work... so off i went to pick him up and get him to work... just a little late... told him that on his next day off I would come over and help to get the car going as they need the car and its an hour round trip for me to go get him and carry him to work. so wednesday comes around... and we take the battery to advanced auto ...it is dead or near enough to death (i had bought that battery in 02) that it needed replaced... and of course that was NOT all wrong with the car... the alternator was too (it was replaced in 02 as well) GAH... well got that all done then on friday when lori was out the darn Black truck battery died too... it has NOT been replaced yet...Her car died th week before and it being a Saab with out a book and michael has not been able to find the info on line yet that he needs... it is just sitting and will sit for a while.
now to back track... on the 6th (my 44th Birthday) at 315 ish in the afternoon we had some major lightening thunder and rain storms... we lost power for a short spell (15 minutes or less) but we lost cable thank you lightening, for 5 days... which means no internet... not only that but in the last week we learned we lost not ONE but TWO tvs AND vcrs the cable box, the uv light on the pond and the ICEMAKER in the freezer LITERALLY BLEW A GASKET.... there is black oil all over inside and of course the soonest a repair person can come is tomorrow... told the woman to send him with a new ice maker in hand because i dont want to hear oh well we have to order the part and it will be another 2 weeks... GAH!
and the icing on the cake of life... friday when Lori was out and the truck died on her, it was to go to the dr as she has had a few things going on... and we will know more today later... but, they are thinking that she has Hodgekins lymphoma, so we will be figuring out what has to be done and how to go about it soon (hopefully today we will have a diagnosis and treatment plan and perhaps even start treatment.)

and that is the short version of whats been happening here in the house of Hall... I have missed you all and maybe someday will even get caught up ... not holding my breath however...
But always remember that God is in control and one day we will look back on the trials of today and realise that they just are not that big :) love and hugs and Happy Monday :)

it has been

2011-08-13T11:06:00.002-04:00

a crazy couple of weeks have tons to catch up on but wont happen today... anyway just popping in to say hi and we are still here... :) hope you all have an amazing weekend!

Halo spent the night

2011-08-02T16:48:00.000-04:00

with grandma... I ONLY took 95 pictures... but you only get to see the best 14 :)

she gets those wild arms to going...

and flops over....

and uses those chunky legs to get back to where she wants to be.....

off the blanket of course....

she goes a great job of sitting alone for being 7 months old....

and laughs and spits and giggles and goes HA HA HA

and did I mention Slobbers....

yummy baby sugar slobers....

and clicks her toungue... click click click.....she does push ups and knee rocks too....

Great Grandma I think you got her this dress, today is the first day she has worn it... it is a wee bit big but oh sooooo cute..

nosy sugar with mama.....

and may fun toys to play with ... :)

cant wait till we play some more :) hopefully swimming tomorrow with Bradley! :) hope you all have an amazing Tuesday!

about me...

2011-07-30T10:01:00.001-04:00

I have decided that because I am so open on here to do a leettle bit of splaining...about ME...who I am, what makes me tick so to speak and maybe some peoples in my life will come to understand why I do the things I do and what got me to this place in my life. a place by the way that when extraneous stuff is not involved I totally love.   This may be a bit rambley, it might get a leetle confusin, slap full of cliches and for that I pologise in advance.

I will be 44 in a number of days... So I have lived a leetle bit... experienced some good, some bad, some ugly, and some fantastic....I still have a lot of living and learning left in me. *those who either know me in person or have been reading my blog for the last 6 or so years know a whole lot of this stuff....

since I was 16 years old, a line I was told that has stuck to me is... when in confusion or doubt start at the beginning.... so here goes the short ... ha ha ha yeah laugh now cause how do you put 44 years in short form...

the very general info... I was born, placed in an orphanage and adopted when I was 8 weeks old...
* adoption was final when I was 14 months. I grew up in a dysfunctional (ok go on and say it... we all grew up in dysfunction of some sort or another) home.  My parents fought all the time, they were very unhappy yet stayed together because well because that's what you did back then. Much of my childhood I was on my own and thanks to that some bad crap happened. In the same time MANY MANY good things happened too... funny how the bad shit is what always seems to stand out and dominates memories and actions in the future.

by the time I was 15 my parents had split a couple of times but somehow dad always ended up back at home, one day a HUGE fight happened and I had, had enough. After being in the middle and scared to death that one parent would kill the other or me I told my father I was leaving with or without him and I went to my room packed my dads navy bag (that I have to this day) and crawled out of my bedroom window and headed for town. sometime on my way to town, he left too... and then things got a bit crazier (ok a LOT crazy) yet so much happier...

I lived with dad for the next year and a half... it was fun times as I did anything I wanted when I wanted with whom I wanted where I wanted and other than a night or two I did not worry in the least of the consequences of what I was doing... I partied... as in, lots of drugs and alcohol... LOTS ok...and I did everything that comes with that life that you can think of ... good, bad, and otherwise. I did not care about anyone but me and the people I THOUGHT were my friends. I can say THOUGHT with total conviction as when I turned up back in Hannibal a year and a half later I ended up living on the streets...for a while.

My cousins who were 5 years older than me decided to take me in. They made me choose to go back to high school... and pretty much let me do anything I wanted as long as I did my share at home and did not drive (when I had a car to drive) or ride with anyone who was drunk. I failed on the 'ride with" part too many times to count...but the times I did call they came to get me and probably saved my life more times than I can count.   I lived with them until I was 19 yrs 3 months 20 days old.

at some point during my 17th year of life... a TRUE friend from my youth said to me one day... Laura if you keep doing the things you are doing you will be dead soon... this was one of the girls that I did so many bad things with... but she had found something.... and wanted to share it with me. And in doing so she saved my life. *thanks birdy*

She introduced me, in the most bizarre way that would work only for me I am sure, to this society called AA
she showed me that people CAN and DO live and enjoy living without being stoned or drunk... because I was at the point I really did not care if I lived or died. In fact I was convinced I would be dead before I turned 18 and I honestly could not see any kind of life past age 18, imagine the SHOCK I felt when one day I looked about and I was 20 something with two kids a husband and alive! On November 9th 1984 I quit drinking and drugs and began to try to live... really live, and this program gave me something I never had before...

It gave me something to believe in, something to hope for, it gave me through the evidence of others lives that IT COULD be done and COULD really happen, It gave me a understanding that what I had lived up to that point was not the way life was supposed to be and that it was up to me to make it what I wanted, even when I had no clue what I wanted... it gave me a guide to follow that really works for anyone in any situation not just a gutter drunk, druggie with burned out brain cells like me....

the first thing I had to do was admit that I was powerless and that my life was unmanageable...(yes I am condensing the steps too, because I have learned that this encompasses more than just drugs and alcohol) THIS IS A HUGE THING... I mean gee who wants to admit they have no power to do anything and that OH MY their Life is UNMANAGEABLE??? funny thing is... to me it was a HUGE RELIEF to realise and accept that I was a F' Up and had no clue how to live, it suddenly made sense... if that makes sense to you :)

the next thing was even harder for me...to come to believe that a POWER GREATER THAN ME could restore me to SANITY! **really now was is insane?? Oh HELL YES!! ** WOW you have no clue the depths of INSANITY that I lived and I had plenty of reason to believe that there WAS NO GOD, NO GREATER POWER, NO INTANGIBLE BEING WHO GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ME.... so I believed in a tree, and the mighty Mississippi river because YES INDEED they were a POWER greater than me.

At some point in my life I realised that it took someone or something even greater to make that river and that might oak tree... can't recall exactly when or what happened to wake my brain up to that simple fact but, it did wake and that being, I choose to call God... ok he chose that name or perhaps the great I AM or Yeshua or Jehovah or any number of other names that people who believe in him call him. PLEASE NOTE I have not mentioned a religious factor or a church or denomination or anything like that because ... well they are not a part of this...moving onward... simple point here is I had something to believe in.

during that revelation above I accidentally did the next thing required of me in this strange yet wonderful society...I turned my life over to that being ... that God, that someone to believe in, I took it back many times but in the end he got me.

The next part required of me I have had to do over and over and over as I find that as I grow and life changes I simply have to... is to do a complete searching, fearless MORAL INVENTORY of myself... and I suppose in some ways this is me doing it yet again...do you realise how scary it is to take your heart and mind out and really search what makes them tick... why they think what they think and why you have chosen to do what you have done or plan to do... yeah scary... thankfully they make a book that guides you through this step... and I have gone back to that little book so many times ... I have to laugh at the first time some times as life really was so simple back then... but to me it was not, it was a HUGE mountain to climb and very painful...but, no pain no gain as they say.

OH MY then comes MORE really hard stuff...I had to admit to God (or at the time to the river) and to ANOTHER HUMAN... Good lord someone was about to get to really know me. EVERYTHING especially the bad, the ugly, the wrong crap I had done... WHERE do I FIND SOMEONE who I can TRUST all this with? well there is a pretty simple answer to that cause bill and bob knew that TRUST is a huge issue for people in general, ESPECIALLY for those of us who had been led by drugs and alcohol... we have to have a sponsor, someone who has been there, done that, who is there 24/7/365 when we need them.
so because of the situation at the time... I had many sponsors HA HA HA see I was the SPECIAL case... No seriously... I was a special case... ok I was not that special ... but I did have MANY sponsors. and they still cared about and loved me even after they learned all of my deep dark pain filled secrets. WHEW!

then came the REALLY SCARY PART... I had to change... ok that not how its worded but that's what it amounts to.. I had to change the BAD crap that made me tick... what I did not know at the time was I was already deep into changing... cause you see just the simple not filling my body with drugs and alcohol, just lots of coffee, dewypeppers(mountain dew and dr pepper mixed) and cigarettes had already made a huge change in me... I did not know it at the time but if you ask the people who were around me back then they can tell you... I was still rather nutty but, was completely different than I was when filled with drugs and alcohol...
the next "step" ties into the one above but in short I had to ask God to remove the crap...or what are called defects of character... and damn I had a lot of them to be so young. this is another one of those that has to be done over and over in life... sigh...

the next is a real test of memories... because I had to make a list of all whom I had hurt, harmed, or done wrong and had to be ready willing and able to make amends to them all... funny how making that list seems so hard (I think this may be where I learned EMPATHY) because in stopping to think about all whom I had violated in my life I suddenly realised that My selfishness my single minded thought processes my self centeredness had really hurt others... suddenly I was made to realise just how my acts, actions, life had effected/affected **Always get those two messed up so I figure as messed up as I was BOTH fit ** others.

oh good lord can you guess what happens next???

Yeah, I had to go apologise, or make amends to those people on my list... unless that apology would harm them or others... thing is unless they were dead in MY CASE... no apology would harm them or others... so yep I had lots of pologisin to do... and I did ...today I am much better at pologisin much sooner and recognising when I NEED To pologise....wow... can you imagine how FREEING it is to admit that I had done wrong to face it and to go to that person and "FIX" it??? now, I have to say that EVERYONE did not forgive me... some were not too happy to learn of what I had done cause I was pretty sneaky and they had no idea it was me that did that thing.... but, anyway It is freeing... it is a new sense of freedom and happiness that cant really be splained until you live it.... but it is so worthy!

learning to recognise when I have done bad, or wrong admitting it sooner and fixing it... is the next thing... it is a life long process and one that as I change and grow simply becomes a part of me... of who I am, of what makes me tick... it changes how I see things and how I do things and therefor what I do.

I battled for many years with the prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understood him because I really did not understand him...but praying for the knowledge and power to live as I should also changed me...and somewhere along the line I did have that spiritual awakening and Do try NOT AS I should to carry that message to other alcoholics and drug addicts... and everyday people who's lives are totally out of control and unmanageable.... you see I have been clean and sober for 24 years... yeah you can go back and do the math... I went back out and tried the old life for a while... but, thankfully I lived long enough to make it back.... however since ever so many years ago I stopped going to meetings... See I broke all the RULES... I married a man who also is an alcoholic... one who is also clean and sober... and together we decided that the crap and BS that can happen in meetings was more than the good we needed in our lives so we stopped going to meetings... but, someway, somehow, we have made it work for us.

In doing these things I have found a new freedom and a new happiness, I do not regret the past nor have I forgotten it, I do comprehend the word serenity (she was my doberman pincher**little inside joke here I hear you laughing dad) and I do KNOW peace. The feelings of uselessness and self pity are gone, I have lost interest in selfish things and have grown to appreciate others, self seeking has gone, and my whole attitude and outlook on life has changed. My fear of people and economic crap has left me, I intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle me (yeah there are still some that baffle me) and I do realise that God has done for me what I could not do for myself. IT TAKES WORK, HARD WORK to make these things happen but, with time hard work becomes habit.

have to smile here... ok DAD say it out loud with me... page 449
"and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person place thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I can not be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes."

that being said this is a very selfish thing... there are places and times that you can not just accept you have to DO SOMETHING to make the change you want and to lead those who need leading and especially those who are asking to be led.

"acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to him; however it turns out that is God's will for me."
"I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. WHEN I CAN REMEMBER THIS. I CAN SEE I HAVE NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD!"

H is for honesty
O is for openmindness
W is for willingness
the big book calls this the essentials for recovery... I call this the essentials for LIFE!

rationalization- is giving a socially acceptable reason for a socially unacceptable behavior, and socially unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity.

ok dad where from here? HA HA HA yeah you know 552!

"if you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. EVEN when you really don't want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't really mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. do it everyday for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that when you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."

and that my friends is what makes me tick... what guides my life and decisons and makes me who I am today.
I do hope that this helps others to understand me ... to see why I do what I do and what motivates me.
and if it does not that's ok too... am I perfect? Nope. do I do this right all the time? Nope. Am I striving to live and breath and learn and teach? you betcha!

now to the fun stuff... Jeannie, Stephanie's cousin is being induced early as in today as she is a tiny cancer surviving girl who is 35 I think weeks pregnant and has been having labor for over a week ... and usually Saturdays Bradley goes to her aunts... anyway he is coming here today and I have to get the stuff I planned to do done much faster than I had planned... so that I can enjoy him while he is here... we were out swimming at 10 pm last night and OH it was so much FUN! that boy loves the pool!
Have a wonderful weekend :) God Bless :)

realised later today that I forgot to add something that is so totally important....
"people who "fail" are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves... There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault they seem to have been born this way. they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a mannor of living which demands rigorous honesty. there are those too who suffer from grave mental and emotional disorders but they do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."

Funny I would forget to mention this part as it is something Michael will look at me from time to time when I am fussing about something he will say to me... Laura There ARE those UNFORTUNATES.... and HE is so right....

RIP Silver Bullet

2011-07-29T09:49:00.000-04:00

yesterday our biggest Kio died. Silver bullet was marthas fish baby... and in trying to figure out just how old he was I think I am deciding about 12 years old. He was 29 inches long and 16 pounds. he was so big around and you cant really tell that from the one pic I managed to take but this fish baby was HUGE!

when we got him and the 5 other koi they were the size of my pinky finger... martha and I drove way out in south augusta to a place that no longer exists and picked out these 6 fish from the hundreds they had there and named them on the way home... its funny that this fish was a little silver colored streak that would dart all around the pond like a bullet

anyway we are down to 4 of the original 6 koi 4 fish that hatched here and one gold fish

well time to go get my bradley so hope you have an awesome day!

thoughts from a mind thats probably too little to be left out to play alone....

2011-07-26T11:57:00.000-04:00

I have not posted much lately... well not much that is really bouncing around in my head... So I have decided to let it out to play a bit and to mush it though my fingers onto the keyboard and see where it comes out.

I will probably piss off a few people in my life who read my blog but, that wont be a first either...

1st. thanks dad for calling this morning it was good to hear your voice... some times I really hate not being close enough to just go have coffee with you. even though I would not change a single thing in OUR lives and OUR road that we have traveled sometimes 770 miles is just too damn much.

2nd. Michael has been working his butt off on a major project out side and it is coming together very nicely... I keep meaning to go out and take pics to show you all the progress but have fallen very short in my photo skill games...
speaking of outside... the three baby fish... who we, ok I named 2, Michael named one.... Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn and Racer are growing like little weeds they are darting about the pond like crazy and sometimes I catch the bigger fish especially Lucky chasing them... tom and huck tend to hang out together and racer who is quite a bit bigger than they tends to hang alone at times....but I digress....or perhaps deviate from whats really bouncing around in my head dying to get out....

3. We have gotten to see Halo a couple times and are really enjoying her being back around... she might be here this evening, I am just not sure as I have not heard back from Martha yet on that... speaking of which... let me go take something from the freezer for supper...be right back. Ok, looks like it will be chicken and rice and some lima beans on the side... and I have another bushel of corn to process today as Michael brought another home last night... he said that the farmer said things are ending for the spring crops we have a half a bushel of speckled butter beans coming and some onions and seems like something else... also a bit later in the summer we have collards, mustard, and turnip greens to look forward to... :)

back to Martha... and Halo... am not really sure of what the dynamic here is as I don't really get to talk to Martha about anything of any real importance it is so very sad to me that the young woman who once was my best friend, closest running buddy, daughter, heart, is physically pretty close by but, is totally gone from my life... sometimes the pain totally over whelms me... I cant help but wonder if she ever misses me and the lives we used to have...I cant help but wonder when and where things went so very off that it has come to this and if it will ever come close to what it was?   I guess that in this situation I am lost somewhere in the stages of grief as its like a death but not quite because it is something that has no end so it is more like a terminal illness you know its always lurking somewhere waiting to come out and kick you in the nose so some days the pain is less yet, the fear is always hanging about and the self preservation and heart protection kicks in and you shield yourself from it... if that makes any sense to anyone other than me then... God help ...

3. Cory and Stephanie are struggling, Both are in school and both work... Stephanie's job keeps cutting her hours when she needs them the most, their budget is shot to hell and back and the stress on both is pretty ugly... they are worn out with the hours and work it takes being a parent to a wild energy filled 2 year old whom none of us would take billions for.... I know that they can make it through this but, sometimes I do wish I could make things easier for them but, hell ... I can't so I simply do what I can by taking care of Bradley 4 days and one night a week and when ever else I'm needed to.

I took Bradley to the wound clinic yesterday for his follow up... it was sort of frustrating as we got there at 1030, his appointment was 11. the waiting room was packed it holds about 60 people easily ... there was another 2 yr old boy we sat by and those boys played and played and were perfect angels for over an hour until the other little boy was called to the back... then Bradley played all alone for another hour before he got hungry and tired... so he had some cereal and fruit snacks then I had to make him sit on my lap, in a few minutes he had been whispered to sleep... I think there were some adults who were quite amazed at how he goes to sleep for me... but... ever since he was a little guy I have been able to get him tucked in just right and can whisper /sing a couple specific songs to him and he will conk out... I am not sure if he is just that tired or my singing is just that bad and yes it is that bad.... but it works when he is upset or tired and I am glad. so eventually at 1 15 they finally called us back and by 130 we were heading out to grab something to eat... we went to sonic and got a double cheese burger and fries and milk for the B man... then off to the pool supplies place as the pool was a bit out of balance.... He was really hungry as he ate 3/4 of that double cheese burger and nearly all of the fries on the way to his other grandmas... we go back in 4 weeks.   they are watching the scar on his head and say his foot is great but not 100% yet. Bradley wanted the big white bandage but all they gave him was a band aid.

4. Lori, I love my sister... I even really like her most of the time... however, I totally don't understand some stuff and don't know for sure that I even want to. 2 months ago we helped her come live with us. In our minds it was to be a safe place for her to recover from what ever insanity happened to her in the last 10- 11 months, year... however long it has been... a place to get back on her feet to rediscover who and what she wants and basically just help... however, NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING has been anything like I thought it would be... the sister I knew the sister who lived here before who I talked to often or went years without talking to... is not the same person who came here. I find that I do not know how to help her... I don't know what to say or to do to help her find herself...and the things happening here make me very uncomfortable, at times, in my own skin.

Sometimes I see that person whom I knew and enjoyed so much but the vast majority of the time I am not so sure who is staying in my spare room... she and I have talked many times about it and have devised plans on how to make things work but even after making those plans ...nothing happens. little seems to change and I find that so totally well, bizarre and hard to handle. I could write a book on things... but in the end you would be as confused and lost as I am so I think I might spare you the details... yet maybe typing them out would help me to assess and sort and put them into some logical order however I tend to think that as unnatural and confusing as they are they might become even more jumbled as I don't even know where to frickin begin...besides that, who is it that determines what is natural and normal and right??? is a thing or way of doing things right because that is how the majority does it?? or is that simply conforming to the masses?

I do know from marrying a man who is 17 years my senior that age does make a difference in how we see and do things... and by being 17 years older than my sister we don't see many things alike...however where is the line on which right and wrong in a situation is determined?

is there a protocol out there somewhere that tells us what the rules are when living with others? is there a list of how long you let something be a certain way? when that time is reached how do you change it to make it more comfortable for all?   How do you take someone who is so lost and confused and set them on a path to fitting in their own skin? how do you teach an adult something that they did know but have lost somewhere in the process of their life? how do you set aside the fears that apparently control to a debilitating level of insanity?

I feel that I know what I would be doing and how I would be acting yet, I know that as alike as we are in some things we are completely different in others and from my own experiences I know that what works for one as a motivation to change or grow is totally different in others...so how can I tell her to do what I would do when I don't know what her end all thoughts are where she wants to be how she wants her life to be because in the end it will not be the same as my life she wont have the friends I have the thoughts the feelings because hell even identical twins are different in some things...

take today for example... she has a couple places to go to see about getting a job, she said they told her from 10 to 2 to come in... IF IT WERE ME... I would have been up and out sitting on their doorsteps at 930 this morning because quite simply I would not give another the chance at getting a job I need so badly... I would use my actions to SHOW the prospective hiring person that I want the job they are offering... you would never find me in bed at 11 39 ... but that's me.

I am a person who does not accept excuses well, I hear them, I see them and I even make them from time to time I am very flexible in some things and others I find it well to be blunt... disgusting.

One thing that really bothers me... is that when I need someones help in anything I know that I have to be willing and able to do as much or more than the ones offering help, in helping myself... I do not see my sister even trying to help herself much of the time...I don't know how long she thinks this will continue to go like it is but, Indefinitely, may have to be something that changes... to maybe motivate hell, I don't know... but one thing I do know is that I can not and am not willing to be the only one trying and the only one putting out the effort to help someone when they should be trying to help themselves. and being lost and confused only goes so far... I know that my husband will help to a point as well but, eventually that help will be gone because he like me will do anything humanly possible to help anyone as long as that person is helping themselves ...

anyway I have things to get done that I did not get done yesterday as the hospital took much longer than I had hoped and even though I did accomplish much there is always more to get done...

so with all of that brain play being out and about let me gather what is left of my mind and say I hope you all have a wonderful productive day and I really like this line I borrowed from kayola on facebook....

what if you woke up today with only what you thanked God for yesterday?

time to play catch up ... LOTS of PICS :)

2011-07-20T19:20:00.000-04:00

The other day... evening, Halo got to come to grandmas house while her parents were at work. :)

She spent some time playing with great aunt Lori,

And got to have some papa time... she would watch him everywhere he went and if he would step around the corner she would hollar until he came back... they are smitten with each other.

Halo gets all kinds of wild with those arms... and she loves to eat... she will smack her lips and pop her tongue on the roof of her mouth while grunting and trying to get to the spoon if you are moving slower than she thinks you should... she kept papa and I laughing.

Aunt Stephanie and Bradley were excited too... Bradley is always looking for his baby.

and as typical we could not get both kids to look up at the same time....

aunt Stephanie and Halo were laughing at each other....

Bradley had to have some Halo sugars...

ad Halo loves bert and ernie :)

She also will get up on her hands and knees and rock ... she will be crawling soon! but for now she crashes over and then looks at you like you did something to her... it is too funny

and she still gives grandma the stink eye!!!

and she wants you to see her belly... she loves to be tickled too... she just laughs and laughs....

Today... We got to do something special... as you bloggers know we have special relationships with our fellow bloggers and I am lucky enough to have a blog buddies children and grand children get stationed here at fort gordon.. . today they got to come over and go swimming... their mom and I get along wonderfully and the kids are adorable... 100% kids and I love that. I had talked to my blogger buddy (you know who you are) and I promised I would not say names... and blogger buddy I did not mention blogs either....

this guy is so adorable he giggles smiles and talks up a storm he is 3 pounds heavier than halo they both are strong babies :)

this little lovey had a ball in the pool and would have stayed here forever i think or until he missed his mom... he is an adorable sweet guy and I cant wait to see him again :)

Miss precious is simply a doll ... period she is beautiful always smiling and the happiest little person ...

This is for grandpa... he was playing a shark and coming to get me ...

they took turns falling off the float ...

and played and played and swam and they might even get a pool for their yard pretty soon too as they loved this one!

miss princess made a huge splash falling off the boat.... (float LOL)

and mr heart breaker came to give a big smile for grandma and grandpa :D of course after each picture they had to see it... which is something too cute that has come with the advent of LCD screens on cameras.

Mr Bradley could not swim today... he had a dr appointment today for his head that turned into a dual wound treatment appointment as last night he dropped a cup and promptly stepped on a BIG peice and cut his heel... its a pretty big cut on a little foot and now we get to go back to the wound clinic again on monday.

the boy is a total mess and oh does his personality shine out in the pic below.... they all at the clinic know and realized today that this is truely grandmas boy as daddy tried to pick him up and he had a screaming fit until I took him ...

he got mommys glasses and struck a pose... such a sweet guy my bubbie is. :D

he posed... right after he walked into the wall that has been there his whole life LOL...

I suppose that is probably why you should not wear shades in the house.... walls move... well anyway hope you have had a fun journey visiting the favorite little peoples in my world ... maybe one day soon we can have all 5 of them together at the same time.

busy busy busy

2011-07-19T21:56:00.001-04:00

have lots of pics to show will post soon I promise :)

hope you are all well and having a great week in this horrid heat.

we have been busy...

2011-07-16T08:08:00.000-04:00

nothing much new there huh, seems like the weeks are flying by so darn fast.

It's that season again, time to put up veggies for the year and I love it.

If my honey did not have the contacts that he has with south Georgia and a particular farmer who sends his produce up here as we order it, fresh picked the day before then I probably would not do it.

But, seeing as how he does, well then, I do :)

we get corn, squash, baby limas, butter beans,white acre peas, pink eye peas, cream peas, vidilia onions, squash, peppers, tomatos, cucumbers, and what ever else this man has to offer.

Dean comes to work tells Michael what he has about to be picked and then Michael either tells him to bring him some or asks me what I want and I make a list and then they are picked and brought up the next day or brought when they are harvested...but he wont pick on fridays and bring them on monday thats too long to suit him...

**just to be fair... Dean sells TRUCK LOADS of stuff for the guy who farms he takes orders from everyone on the job not just Michael.

the prices are unbelieveable and all the beans and peas come shelled so a buschel is 2 gallon freezer bags stuffed as full as they will go...

Bradley is my big helper on some stuff he worked off and on for two hours putting up Squash for future meals...

this little as seen on tv contraption I bought several years ago... actually this is my second one... as I wore the first one out.... it is the handiest and best chopper ever invented and I so wish I had thought of it as I might would be well off today had I.

I would wash and cut the squash and bradley chopped them up...

and said cheese several times for the camera.....

I love when kids are interested... I am sure in a few short years he wont be the least bit interested in helping Grandma with chores or work...

I bought Michael a little shop vac to replace the one we loaned to Martha and finally just gave to her... and I think it really is Bradleys Vacuum....Bradley spent the night one night last week, and after his bath he and papa played with the vacuum for quite some time

it was way too funny to watch as Bradley went from being somewhat afraid of the vacuum to being in total control of it. Papa sucked up his toes of his jammers

and he made his what are you doing crazy, face.....

then he worked on cleaning the couch and sucking his hand...

the next day I think it was or maybe a day or two later Bradley made a huge mess with chips so we got out the vacuum and he cleaned the WHOLE HOUSE... to him it was all play to me it got a necessary chore done with only a little help from grandma... I would plug in the vacuum and he would suck up all in reach.... I showed him how to do base boards and corners which he took particular joy in then would move to another part of the room... in the end he was worn out and the room was good and vacuumed!

He is such a happy little guy... cause after he and grandma put up the squash ... we went to"'EAT" at his favorite place... MCDONALDS!

for the next 4 weeks stephanies schedule has changed and we have Bradley from 8 am until well last night was midnight as she has school then work on Fridays... we have him while she is at school on Wednesday and Thursday and while she is at work on Sundays... this coming Sunday he is going to spend with her sister ... so he will get some awesome Auntie Kristen time in....

we have several big projects in the works.... so will have to get some pics today as Michael started yesterday on the outside ones... and I have more veggie putting up to get done today and really must go buy meat for the month ... am so happy we have managed to make it over a month on the last meat run I made... we are down to our last pack of meat ... I dont like to keep meats much more than a month or two in the freezer....

anyway got a busy weekend ahead ... hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

where does the time go???

2011-07-12T17:18:00.000-04:00

Stephanie and Cory came over Sunday evening to play in the pool for a bit with Bradley and us... we had a ball literally and hit it around to each other and of course had to chase it out in the yard when we got a little agressive.

Bradley loves to dump the cup full on your head!

and of course to say cheese to the camera!

he loves to be thrown all over the pool and I missed getting apic of him when he suddenly dunks his head under and starts to kick his feet... he will be swimming in no time! HE LOVES THE POOL!

Anaeyah Dyanna Rogers...born 2day @ 1:05 7lbs 2oz

Isnt she just adorable, and all that beautiful hair too... mama is beautiful too even though she thought the pics are bad cause she is swollen up ... told her shes supposed to be good greif she just had a baby not quite 4 hours ago!!

AHHHHHH sweet love!

we have babies!!!!!!!!!!

2011-07-10T08:17:00.001-04:00

we saw for the first time last night not one, not two but THREE new babies!

I tried to get a clear picture but the humidity was so bad that the lense kept fogging and of course they are LITTLE bitty babies....

in this pic all three are there ... one at the top by some leaves and the two bigger ones in the middle...
*dont forget you can click on the pic to embiggen!
** usually we dont have any babies as the fish eat the eggs before they have a chance to hatch and grow... and they will eat the fry as well if they can... apparently the lilys are big enough that these guys hid and grew to an uneatable size! :)

in this you can see two the littleest one follows the bigger....

these of course are 6 of the 7 bigger fishes... top is bullet, speckled is gizmo, bogie is facing gizmos head lucky is in the middle, then diamond and at the bottom near the bridge is nugget... Emma the fan tail gold fish was busy eating and missed her photo opportunity.

Lori and I went to pick up pizza at pizza hut when this cute car pulled in... I doubt her owner would like her being calle cute but she really is!

we wanted to swim yesterday but storms rolled in early afternoon so the pool remained covered all day. maybe today we will get a chance to play in the pool.

the finches love these thistle seed socks... usually there are a lot more than two feasting ....

the pond is very healthy as we have seen many many of these baby frogs wandering around they are teenie tiny and make the baby fish look big!

anyway I hope to get better pictures and to come up with some names for the fishes... I have had some really cute and fun suggestions on facebook.... so what do you think they should be named?
Hope you have a fantastic Sunday.
God Bless.

I wish...

2011-07-07T16:31:00.000-04:00

that life were easy... that love did not hurt... and that children would stay children much longer than they do.

I am somewhere between hurt and mad and at this very second am not too sure which I am more and at whom....

But as in all things that suck in life... I will live, I will love and, I will survive... until the day comes that God takes me home...

I so hope that when we do die all the cares and worrys of earthly crap leaves us... and that we really do get what is promised in the bible... I choose to believe that we do... because I dont believe that God can lie.

anyway... dont worry I am fine I choose not to elaborate... and thats ok...

life is all about choices and the consequenses from those choices yet often I feel that I am left without a choice in so many things... so who has a great cheese to go with my whine???

ta ta for now in the super HOT state of Ga....

family fun on the 4th...

2011-07-05T10:16:00.000-04:00

we went to my sister in laws for the 4th, we usually do as they have a great pool and we all love to play in the pool.

as always there is a ton of awesome food.

Bradley LOVED the pool... he loved all the men and women who were willing to throw him all over the pool. He has so many grown cousins who will play rough and keep him entertained.
I slowed for a second yesterday to realise that of all of us there we have 3 people who have been burned badly and lived to tell of it... with little evidence of the horrors that being burned entails... we are so blessed.

there are always the keep the ball in the air contests... and they are a hoot ...

Bradley would jump off the side and kick about anywhere in the pool ... thankfully there are uncles who will step in and with a word get wild children to obey the safety rules...

there are Aunts and Uncles abound and it is fun for everyone to cool off and play.

Fathers and sons to dunk... because we all know that all is fair in love and dunking. :)

older cousins to help the little cousins as they learn to swim and play...

and to hug on when the thunder starts and everyone has to get out and have some home made ice creams...Strawberry and peach YUMMMMY.

and Aunts hair clips to play with while floating about

and grandmas to swim to ...while more cousins play ....

and it was good and fun and those who were not there were missed so much....and new memories were made...hope you all have had as good of a holiday as we did.

Sunday....

2011-07-03T09:53:00.002-04:00

this video was last Sunday ... I was too ill to get into the pool so I manned the camera...

today I think I will be just fine when Bradley comes to play in the pool with him. :)

papa needs a hair cut... maybe one day in this 4 day weekend I can get him to sit still long enough to cut it...

My dear daughter and I have come to an impass...we both know OUR boundaries... GAH....
unfortunately ... with our boundaries... only halo misses out ... on her family. It SUCKS.

So much for normal ... what ever the heck that is.

Happy 3rd of July....
Have the Twomey family on our hearts today as they celebrate Cjs 22nd birthday... HE SHOULD BE HERE.... it is so hard to accept that he chose not to be. Depression and Suicide are hideous monsters ...

Hope that you all have a safe and happy 4th while celebrating our great nations independance.

now for those most fameous words... in my world... :) It's BRADLEY TIME!

Good Greif

2011-07-01T08:23:00.000-04:00

what a pain in the butt... I had changed my password ... on my other computer... then couldn't ... and still cant remember what EXACTLY I changed it to...
have spent DAYS trying to get into my darn accounts....

GAH...

I have come to the conclusion that I need not ever try to help people...

I do not think like others... and I do not act like others... and I do not understand what makes them act it the manner they do...

I had such High hopes and plans for fun stuff.... hoping for ... I dont exactly know what... but ...

My mistake... it wont happen again.

Once I figure out how to get my life back to normal.... what ever Normal is.

I will let you know :)

till then I am fine... it is nearly BRADLEY TIME and he makes all things bright and good... and Michael has 4 days off work YAHOO!!!!

Hope you all have a happy and safe 4th of July....
Happy Birthday Austin our favorite little "firecracker"

ps... if you like fish and aquariums like I do... NEVER EVER play FISHDOM... you will be hooked... all the fun no mess LOL...

God Bless you and Keep you till we meet again!

taken from a great email :)

2011-06-29T09:59:00.000-04:00

A Layman's 10 Commandments. Great Reading.

Someone has written these beautiful words. Must read and try to understand the deep meaning of it.
They are like the ten commandments to follow in life all the time.

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2] So a Car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes years to write, but only a few seconds to burn.

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE.

Sunday Serenity....

2011-06-26T06:49:00.000-04:00

Ok so I actually took these pics on saturday with the exception of the first which was last month that I hunted down to show Helen ... the plant closest which is a bit blurry is the little round leaved plant that bloomed yellow that you sent me . The other I have a pic somewhere but it will be easier to take a new pic than to try to find in the hundreds of folders ...

my front flower bed needs to be weeded so badly ... maybe I will feel up to it this morning... since I am up so early... I apparently have the time to go do it before Bradley comes... He is spending the day and night here :)

I have managed to get sick... have not been sick in ages... but apparently have a summer cold.... GAH... I took vit C with rose hips, zyrtec, sudafed, niquil, tylenol and my glucosamine last night and by 11 pm was out cold.... I woke sometime in the night in a puddle of sweat but... felt pretty good. and once I get all this built up gunk out of my head will probably feel even better. :) It was kind of funny to see me sitting trying to watch a movie last night with my jacket on and a blanket because I have been freezing for two days... in 100 degree heat... only me!

Years ago... when stephanie first got pregnant before we knew he would be a boy I found this adorable pink dress that has "animal" from the muppets on it... Cory is an animal fan, has an animal tatoo ect... anyway after "swimming" the other day I put it on Bradley LOL... its still too big and as you see he wore it HIS WAY...
He was saying "cheese".

I think we pretty much have the pool the way we want it... any "LITTLE" project around here turns into a BIG project pretty quickly but ... its all fun! just follow the green carpet road to the cooling off spot!

ALL projects around here also have some sort of redneck engineering involved as well....

you can click to embiggen all pics.. but the one below especially ... as if you do you might find the hidden dragon fly in the pic :)

my pathetic garden... was so pretty and so full of blooms... two hail storms and 15, 100 degree heat days ago.... its hanging on but... my hopes are lagging on it really doing more than be another exercise in futility...

Diamond, Bogie, and Bullet say Hi.... speaking of fish I had to laugh at my sister... we were in academy sports getting some stuff and she came across these toy fish for pools... they are pretty good sized and you put batteries in them and they will "swim" in your pool... she said you can get these and then have fishies in your yard.... I laughed and said I already do ! they were adorable though the little NEMO and the TURTLE might would have come home with me had I not previously spent my allowance on books :)

and lastly just because it is so purty.... one of the blooms in the pond yesterday!

Hope you have a blessed Sunday and week coming.
Love n hugs ME!

it has been one of THOSE weeks...

2011-06-25T08:55:00.000-04:00

It all started early Monday Morning.... when I was out watering the garden about 630 in the morning.

Michael called me and asked if the police were in the neighborhood as, when he has gone to work he noticed this car sitting beside the neighbors house, it had been FLYING on our road lost control going around the curve jumped the fence and nearly landed in the house.

*what he actually said is... I just want you to take your pistol with you when you go out they could be hiding in the woods! Yeah thanks honey I am already out here!*

SO.... Me being me... I had to go see what the HECK he was talking about.

When I got around the corner and looked NO ONE was around not the people who live in the house not the driver of the car no police no one... so I called the non emergency number to see if anyone had called...

NO ONE HAD CALLED! .

Since I could not see into the car and was not going to try to FALL down the hill into the briar's to see I just told the dispatchers what I saw...

Dispatchers are plural as I live in the county and the house where the car landed is in the city!!

anyway very shortly my neighbor stopped and said she had seen someone just after the car wrecked and she went down the hill to see if they were still in the car... they were not BUT, the car was still running!!!

Turns out the car was STOLEN (big surprise there huh?)

the thief got away but what was more crazy was the people in the house DID NOT WAKE UP when this guy crashed into their yard and did hit the house knocking the pole down and knocking the mirror off the car on the corner of the house!!

they actually got into the car and backed it up to be able to winch it out of the mans back yard

its a very steep hillside and no one was too sure how hard or easy it would be to get the car out.

My sister observed the bald tires on the flat bed truck... you'd think they would keep better tires on their working trucks.... OK I think they would....

anyway the car actually came out with relative ease....the frame was popping and cracking and a couple times we were all sure it was going to flop over on its side...

But onto the truck it went... I felt so bad for the owners... the tag was a handicap tag and I hope it didn't belong to someone on a fixed income with only liability insurance....

the Buick impressed the fire outta me with the little amount of body damage after flying through the fence and clipping the house.... but I am willing to bet it had to be totaled

and finally they were off.... it was so hot and so humid that morning that we all were puddles of sweat out there... just watching what was happening....

we have spent alot of time in the pool.... it is finally nearly full and not greenish tinted any more since we finally got it deep enough to run the filters! BRADLEY LOVES the pool... we ALL love the pool!

its got about 5 inches to go to be full and has only taken over a week to get it there... we can only add a few gallons at a time with the well... the pump is 35 ish years old and not working at full capacity and its a shallow well... we have run it out of water many times over the years....
its been HOT HOT HOT here... storms many nights some nearly as bad as the one last week that took out power... and many places have lost power... thank God we have not....
we have been cooking out a lot... it is just too hot to cook inside...
on today's plans... to clean the grill... YUK and Michael is getting some indoor outdoor carpet to put down to help keep dirt out of the pool :) FUN FUN
hope your week has been as fun as ours...
ps... Blogger has been not helpful with their issues this week It has taken several days of trying to create a post.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend...
God bless :)

after the storms

2011-06-18T16:02:00.000-04:00

Of course you already know from the prior post we were without power for 39 and a half hours and truely believe that if not for the neighbors Dr. sending the fax of his medical needs we would still not have power.

I spoke with the power guys who removed the tree from the lines and they had come from Clayton Ga to help out here in this area because the outtages were so wide spread... the other night of the 10 or so friends in a 20 mile radius only ONE had power. we all live in different areas some in the country some in neighboring towns and counties. YET across the street from us had power as of 7 am Thursday morning.

We were ok, for us the heat is a bear but, when you live in the county like us if you have no power you also have NO WATER and that is ROUGH.

you can't shower to cool off you can't flush toilets you can't add water to the fish pond. It stinks.

I had taken these pics one day last week when we still had the easy set pool with a couple inches of water and Bradley and Lori and I had been playing in the water ... Bradley got bored and decided to play in the yard. (some pics are all wonky as in size and placement but you can click them to make them bigger )

Bradley loves his swing ... he giggles and says WEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEE when you swing him high...

I cracked up when I loaded the pics and the look on his face said it all to me.

this pic (above) is my favorite of all time of him I am hoping to be able to have a big print made of it someday.

when lori was going through her stuff she had this notepad and I claimed it ... it is totally me :)

this paper is from the storm, its high up in the tree above the fish pond... the winds were whipping in alldirections like crazy... the paint pan and cans from the front were up by the well in the back and the 5 gallon bucket from the well that we use to wash the autos was down in the front... I dont recall ever seeing anything quite like that storm ever in my life. it was super scarey!!!!!

this tree fell across the road in front of our house... the tree that was keeping our power off is up the hill from this in a clear cut place in the woods... it was a BIG tall tree that took the power guys about 30 minutes to remove once they got here.

at the top of the hill heading out from our house is where this house sits... the tree nicked the house but no real damage, they were so lucky!

this house is on the corner the pine tree really tore up the top and right side of his roof ...

this house it about 2 miles from us as the crow flies ... I could not get a better view as traffic was pretty heavy heading out to fort gordon... they had a lot of damage out there too... dad do you remember where the old garys hamburgers is??? I took this from thier parking lot.

Last night I had a pork loin that HAD to be cooked... I had taken all of the food in our freezer to my cousins in town and had stuck the loin in a cooler... anyway when Schlena called I asked her if she wanted to come to supper and so she did... we always have a blast when shes here... and the smoked pork loin and fresh corn was awesome... I love my grill OOPS MICHAELS GRILL that I cook on LOL...

Later in the evening we got out the monster Marshmellows and started playing .... and laughing and choking and laughing more.... Lori was working on getting it all in her mouth...

Of course this had to turn into a contest ... there is no way it couldn't have....

Schlena is so cute no matter what shes doing and I just love this photo :)

things were getting quite messy as the contest rolled on...

YEAH shut up.... we all knew I would WIN!!!

a few seconds after this pic (above) The marshmellow SHOT out and Lori got caught in the spray... amid much much side splitting LAUGHTER... *see the marshmello on her glasses LOL*

and that is the short version of the last 5 days in our house. :)
Have a fantabulous weekend and keep all who still dont have power here in thought and prayers as the heat is brutal... but THANK GOD it was not a tornado like so many have suffered through in the recient past.

39 and a half

2011-06-17T13:18:00.002-04:00

hours without power... in 100 degree temps ... makes me a cranky girl...
powers back shower will be happening in a few minutes...
will be trying to catch up soon!
God bless!

it's another one of those....

2011-06-12T00:52:00.000-04:00

days where I have so much on my mind and heart that... I manage to get pretty much nothing done.

needless to say my mind is never far from Martha and Halo...
Martha sent some pics of Halo for me to post...

pretty little sweetums... needs to see grandma I am sure...

I see smiles are still hard to capture on camera....

such pretty deep eyes...

and squishy squeezy legs and arms.....

Sister finally got here... been working SLOWLY on cleaning out the spare room so she has a haven to hide in when necessary... got a lot done but have a lot more to go...

Michael finally finished draining the pool today so tomorrow it should be dry enough to fold/ roll back up and return to the store... the metal frame pool will arrive one day soon.

anyway have tons more rattleing about in my head... it would probably scare you all away so will keep it to myself for the time being....

Hope you have a good weekend.
God Bless.

Nothing does the heart more good than...

2011-06-08T10:02:00.000-04:00

a nakie baby playing in the yard

using his skills to "mow the lawn" and being somewhat comfortable in 99 degree temps

makes one wish that they could be as comfortable and free

to enjoy the simple things life has to offer

even when the bubble mower wont blow bubbles....

more on the great pool adventures

2011-06-06T22:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we drained most of the water out of the pool... but there was 6 inches or so left in it so I decided that Bradley and I should play in it...

He had a ball and we spent 3 hours or so playing today.

He would run and slide then fall and jump up and laugh...

The little swimmer was just in the way... little boys love their toys... (note to parents of girls... they love theirs too)

I took a bunch more pics of him playing about the yard nakid but have to do some cover ups to post them... so this is all you get for now....

so now the search is on for a pool the right size (small enough for us) that has supported sides ... I found what I want on amazon.com but would really love to find it locally and save the shipping costs.

anyway Grandmas Tired.... Hope you have a great rest of monday ! :)

well let the trauma ...

2011-06-05T17:02:00.000-04:00

the pool simply will not work... two days and close to a thousand gallons of water later we are draining the waste of pool space into the fish pond and gonna return it and purchase a pool WITH SIDES that have support as even though this pool is actually level it has decided on TWO sides of the round pool to lay on its sides and not go up.
the so called, what used to be the high side and low side of the other day are perfect... anyway I dont want to risk Bradley getting injured by something happening ...so Michael and I are pool traumatised and have learned a pool lesson.... we are not ready to give up however which is a miracle as normally we would say F it and simply give up on having a pool.

*Martha, I recieved Mikes messages... am not quite ready to respond to either of you but when I am will send you an email.
Have a great rest of sunday ya'll ... from the super hot, unbelieveably muggy, pool less back yard of Ga.

ok... sooo...

2011-06-04T18:17:00.000-04:00

I don't stay in my corner long and "licking my wounds" thank you caution... made me laugh out loud...

So I have not really slowed down much since last blogging... we have been working in the 95 plus degree heat watching our garden burn up in spite of watering it daily... GAH... its INSANE we do this every year plant a garden put what ever it cost us into it and watch it die... usually its much later into the year when it burns up though.... it is not dead but it sure looks sad...

My darlin hubby... in his infinite wisdom brought up to ME ... something we had decided would never happen here... the week before Kerrie died he said out of the blue... we should go get this swimming pool for the grandkids... we have always said there would never be a pool here because of the lack of water .... well me being me knowing I DID NOT BRING IT UP ... went last week and got said pool with Cory and Bradley... well... lemmie tell you the box it came in says EASY15 minute set up ... THEY LIE! first of all you must have LEVEL ground... PEOPLE WE LIVE ON A HILL SIDE!!! there is not a level place on the entire acre and a half... NO WHERE... so we picked what LOOKED to be pretty level... (I really tried to get him to read an pay attention to the instructions I SWEAR I DID)

Anyway last night he put it where he thought would work and proceeded to put some water in... the weight of the water kept pulling the pool OVER and down the hill... so I, being me. knowing that he is NOT READY to stop and do it right yet... said I thought that if we simply built up under the walls that were low it would be ok... well MY BAD first of all I had NO CLUE how bad it slopes... I mean really it looks pretty flat when your cutting the grass...right??

eventually we moved the pool and tarp and filled in the area

well... 4 truck loads of sand clay from the pile in the front later... much cussing and ok I was cussing too... it is pretty level... but the water tells the tale... HE had to pull the pool to where he thought would work best do after all that shoveling ect.... there is now a high side AGAIN.... not nearly as high of course as we built up over a foot!!!!!!!!

we also finally figured out this pool holds 1100 gallons of water... OH MY ... the pond either holds more than We think or... cause the pond is way bigger .... well actually I think we finally guesstimated it between 3800 -4000gallons so ... anyway it can be done... will take longer than we want but .... in the end... a pool :)

this photo is blurry because I took it with my phone... so I have to identify some things for you... so you can appreciate the humor involved with OUR projects... (SHUT UP LORI AND DAD cause I hear you laughing and wishing you were here to play witness)
Anyway... far right front of pic is our redneck A/C unit which makes sitting outside bearable in summer... yes it is on... above it on the tree is the thermometer... which read 90 at 1030 am. centerish is Michael blowing up the top ring of said pool with the leaf blower... and under the blue and to the left of the blue is the 4 loads of sand clay hauled by said man... which in the middle of the process caused a cussing laughing fit...
see said man is brilliant but dear dumb wife is MORE BRILLIANT :) cause dear hubby was determined that he needed a 12 ft SQUARE leveled area for a 10 foot ROUND pool... and I had suggested to get a 5 foot string and stick a pole in the center and see EXACTLY how far it needed to be so when I went inside to find some string (without telling him what I was doing) he decided to put a stake out and use his tape to see.... I smiled said nothing and laid my string on the wall... he asked me a bit later what that string was for knowing FULL well what it was for... then shot me a bird said bad words and told me I am a Bud Ritter looking something.....all with a big grin on his face...

see I know this man who is Brilliant... and he is one who must screw up, then screw up a bit more before convincing himself that reading *because he actually DID read them* AND following the instructions and DOING IT RIGHT the first time might have been a good idea....oh and there must be some sort of RIGGING involved as well or it simply wont do...
but he is one of the best carpenters/ brick layers/ jack of all trades in the world...but like his children who shall remain nameless ...must do it the harder way first....

anyway to cut the saga a bit short... I think that this evening there will have to be a small bit of digging out to make the damn pool level enough to rise when the water gets high enough or else it is all going to sag and go to the low side... AGAIN.

so if your inclined say a prayer... that the pool eventually gets up and we get to enjoy it with at least Bradley for now...and that we don't go off the deep end while making it happen LOL.

for most things in life require hard work, lots of laughter and in our case a lot of cussing!

what do you do when....

2011-06-02T17:45:00.000-04:00

you want to give up... you want to so damn bad but, you are unable to give up because that stupid survival instinct is too strong in you?? you know from past experiences that... this too shall pass. (like a pinto, right dad?) and given time things will get better or at the very least on an even keel.... you know that acceptance is THE ANSWER... because it is out of your control and not your decision to make in the first place... yet somehow you manage to feel responsible at least in part for the way some things are.
you want to kick and scream you want to hit something or someone... yet you know that wont solve the problems... If you still drank you would be a blathering gutter drunk... because you would want to stay numb all the time...and you know that is not the answer either because eventually you do sober up... least I always did... you want to put it out there so you dont feel alone yet you dont want to because, well because it effects or is it affects, never am sure with those two words which is the right one, others that you love.
you try to laugh and smile and carry on because you know thats just what has to be done... but you really dont want to.
you can see the answer or solution as plain as the nose on your face but, the others involved cant or wont see it ... damn here we are back at that freakin ACCEPTANCE again arent we?
sigh... guess I will go back to my corner now... nurse my wounds ... and come back swinging later....

thank you all...

2011-05-31T13:30:00.000-04:00

for so many things...
comments, calls, texts, reading between the lines.... holding me up when I can't hold myself.

it seems that it is all or nothing in my world at all times...

either it's calm and I feel somewhat bored if that is possible....

or it is utter chaos and usually in a negative way and I can't begin to put into words exactly what I am thinking and feeling ... but look out I am fixen to try to address many things happening in my world today...

this is purely me putting my thoughts down and be warned I may slide off into a pity party or two or twelve...I might even melt down (ok private joke in there somewhere) but know in the end I am simply sorting my mind out and handing a whole bunch of stuff over to God ... cause ... he can and I can't.

1st. as much as I don't want to address this topic, as much as I promised I would let it ride and see where it goes I can't because with all the other crap in life I feel this is the most important because it is something that can be if not fixed at least be made better.

MARTHA JEAN... I know you have convinced yourself or Mike has convinced you of some things that simply are not true... I know you get mad when I air our "dirty Laundry" but damn it I don't have any other way of reaching you.
so Let me clear them up as simply and plainly as I can.
1. We do love you... even when so damn mad at you for doing what we asked/told you not to under all the yelling screaming cussing we still love you. NEVER forget that and NEVER believe otherwise.
2. We DO love Halo and DO want you BOTH in our lives. HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE that we don't after I kept her for you and you saw your dad with her... YOU KNOW the TRUTH even if it is easier to deny it... so tell people what ever you want but the lie of us not wanting her in our lives because of race is BULLSHIT. sorry but that's not gonna fly.
3. WE DO NOT want Mike in our lives for anything, anytime, ever again... and don't spew the crap of he was not given a chance ... HE WAS given a chance to show WHO he is and WHAT he believes in... and HE DID just that... and he is not the kind of person we want in our lives or world.
4. When you CHOOSE to or NEED to ... I will always be here... that is totally up to you. I will not force you or try to influence your choices in any way. you are grown and have to live with the consequences of your decisions.
I did have to tell your grandmother that you do not live here anymore but for Halos sake I did not tell her about her... and I have no plans of it ever and you know why.
I reserve the right to readdress this in the future as no matter how much others think I should or common sense tells me that I should, I simply can not ever totally give up on you ... my daughter, my child, my heart.

MY MOTHER.
HARUMP... Drives me NUTS... Is a pain in the butt... Health is about the same... love her but, cant deal with her selfishness and desire to control or belittle me.

Losing Kerrie... tears... and more tears ... and more.... so much more... because as the realisation of what all she ment in my life hit me smack between the eyes...the loss is so HUGE...
lemmie see if I can even begin to explain...
she was my niece through my husband ...
she was my shopping buddy...she tried so hard to keep me in some semblance of style HA HA.
my swimming buddy...we were taking the kids, you know it was not because we love to go swimming...right?
My movie companion,video renter/ loaner/ reviewer ( I still have a stack of her movies)
my spur of the moment Arbys and Krystal's and any number of other places to go people watch ,eat and laugh, throw peanut shells at the kids, buddy...
she was the one person besides Martha who would play games... yahtzee, farkle, phase 10, cards, dice, you name it and it was always a hoot especially if I happened to win cause she was the worst loser and it would make me laugh so hard.... she would SCREAM, Pout, refuse to play again for a month...
she kept me learning how to use my phone and was working on me getting a smart phone so she would be able to teach me how to use it...
my middle of the night texting ....during the day when the rest of the world is working...
person I could talk to about anything, Laugh with, cry with, work with ...connection to my husbands family...

Thursday when Bradley and I went to see her we talked about all the things we were going to do this summer... because she knew how raw my heart is and she knew that Her, Savannah, and Brenner would be a wonderful salve to help keep me from bleeding out...she was not supposed to go like this... not now... ok so I am selfish... NOT FREAKIN EVER... because I need her in my life.
Excuse me while I melt down a while....
ok I think I can see again...and believe it or not that does not begin to touch who Kerrie was to me.

My sister... Has had crap happen to her that SO CALLED FAMILY ... should not ever do. Eventually she will be leaving Mo. and coming here to stay for a while and getting back on her feet... but it appals me when not only family but supposed CHRISTIANS do the things they do... it just makes no darn sense to me.

And there is our Badley boy... who is a ball of energy and with his parents schedules right now we don't get to JUST be grandparents... which is ok... but at times can be overwhelming and takes some of the total enjoyment from us. BUT all it takes is that BIG whole body smile to make that all ok....

Speaking of Bradley... Cory and Stephanie got him a cat for his birthday... Poor kitty... well since then Cory has had some huge respiratory issues and finally went to the Dr Saturday afternoon... to find that he is allergic to the cat and it has his asthma flaring up bad and a lung infection... GAH so the kitty has to go.... and I think I told some of you that last week Cory hit a cat, he tried to miss it and it still caught his car... and of course died... well last night three little itty bitty half starved kittens turned up here... I am 99% sure they were hers... I got two of them to eat last night the third was too scared and bit my finger... poor critter.... I saw the two this afternoon hiding in the corner when I was unloading the van... they are calico's and female... and must find homes but have to be able to hold and pet them a bit better before that can happen... they are wild as was their momma.

we have lived her 24 years and people seem to think that our dirt road is the place to dump unwanted animals... it is not!!!!!!! GAH I really dislike people who dump animals....

Anyway... I managed to get 99% of my shopping done (I always manage to miss something even with my darn lists) so I see a trip back to the store in a day or so... cause we can NOT live without our coffee :)

if you have read this far... BLESS YOUR HEART... I hope you have a wonderful week and thank you again for being here and keeping us in your prayers and thoughts.

I wish I had

2011-05-30T09:32:00.000-04:00

the words to say what is in my heart and mind....
but, I don't ... so many thoughts... so many pains...
Good thing I KNOW that in Time God will take care of it all.

lifes a blur....

2011-05-29T16:35:00.000-04:00

since Friday morning Life has been an absolute blur... a roller coaster of emotions ... and total exhaustion.
Kerries funeral was today... my heart aches with sorrow and pride in my nieces who managed to get up and sing, yeah Brit lost it a couple times but, I cant help but think... thank God it was not me, first of all I cant carry a tune in a bucket and second I cant speak much less sing at a funeral. So I cried for them cause I can do that.
It was beautiful a version of Amazing Grace that... well was just simply beautiful.
Savannah told of something she and her mother had talked about a few months ago and read a poem at the Graveside and because so many people were there It was kind of hard to hear... that and Bradley was being a very busy wide open 2 yr old.
Anyway... Kerrie would be so proud of how things went... and someday we will meet again...

broken heart...

2011-05-27T15:09:00.000-04:00

My Neice Kerrie, passed away this morning.

For some bizzare reason yesterday Bradley and I decided on a whim to go see her and her kids.

I am so damn glad we did, because in my craziest wildest thoughs would I have ever had the nightmare that she would die this morning.

dont get me wrong we all are going to one day, and I know shes had health issues for years... But... Still.
I miss you so much Kerrie. and you have not even been gone 12 hours yet.

Where does the ...

2011-05-25T17:44:00.000-04:00

TIME GO?? seems like i just posted YESTERDAY ... YET, 4 days have passed by...

Sunday, I cant recall what we did... nothing much I don't think.

Monday, did laundry and cleaned up and SLEPT.

Tuesday , went to get my hair cut by Stephanie :) shes cut it the last three times its been cut and does a really good job, plus she gets credit hours or school!

then I went HERE... to have Lunch with Laura

this is what we had... and it was delish. they cut and make everything when you order so uber fresh!

that evening I took some pics... this ones for you Lori... Emma is a really BIG fan tail Gold fish... she is thriving well.. she just laid eggs and the pond STINKS ....

the plants are all in full bloom... and of course in the evening they dont look near as good as in the morning...

the cucumbers are loaded!

we have little green maters on all the plants but, one.

more of the squash

w ehave a bull frog living in the water fall... he best stay up there cause the Koi will kill him.

the lilys are still blooming even with the fish beathign them to death laying their eggs.

Bradley is a busy busy boy... he was having grapes and standing on the couch... he knows better ...tisk tisk.

I decided to make some pumpkin banana walnut bread today... and they are delish! will send most to work with Michael tomorrow :)

Keeping all my friends and family in the mid west in prayers cause these tornados are horrid.

A Bunch of... stuff

2011-05-22T18:10:00.000-04:00

Saturday, Martha Jean graduated from high school!!! It is anaccomplishment that I was not sure would come to pass. Here the schools all hold graduations at the James Brown Arena in Augusta.

I personally dont care to go down there but seem to go on a semi regular basis for one thing or another.

Schlena, Becca and Malorie went with me. we ended up sitting all the way at the other end of the arena... I think it will hold 6000 but it may be more... anyway the top pic (remember you can click any pic to see an embiggened shot.) anyway it was pretty hard to see who was who ect from where we were sitting.

My little Kodak camera does a bang up job taking pics from far away.... I got this shot as she exited the stage

I had gotten seperated from Schlena and becca and decided to get in the shade across the street, closer to the parking lot... to wait for them to find me... They found Martha and brought her out with them... we took a couple pics and looked at halo as martha did not let any of us hold her... then we left. Yes the sperm donor was there... the way we figured out where he was sitting was by hearing Halo crying... from a huge distance away... he was sitting with some people we thought perhaps his parents and grandparents... one woman we thought was his mom took halo and tried to calm her... it took a monster dose of will not to go get her... but anyway we all found out later when martha asked him... that they were strangers who just happened to sit by him and halo. I dont know how much will I actually have... to have her there beside me yet unable to hold or comfort her... thats asking way to much of me. anyway Schlena took this pic... and it was very tense... but, is a nice pic of us... we dont have many in the last years ... so am glad to have it.

last evening I wandered about the yard taking pics.... the fish are laying eggs... and the pond SMELLS BAD... FISHY. they will eat 99% of the eggs... lucky is the only fish we have ever had to survive in the pond, that was hatched there.

my snap dragons that survived through the winter have tons of blooms about to open... but these are just beautiful.

love this one too...

the dragon flies posed for me... love the details of their wings... so amazing.

i got two of these plants at the grocery store... have no clue what they are.... anyone have any ideas??

one of my hostas is fixen to bloom.... here is what it looks like ... i think when the flowers open they will be a purplish blue....

Cory got me this plant for mothers day... it was full of pink flowers now they are dead heads... and I am not sure if i should pop them off like I do marigold heads.... again does anyone know???

was sitting on the porch with michael... and happend to see this guy in my peace lily... so grabbed up the camera and zoomed in! I love these little lizards they are just too darn cute.

this dove posed for a bunch of pics this is one of the best ones... they are so pretty!

i want to hold him and squeeze him and pet him name him George and set him free :)

some have asked about the straw bale garden that we are doing this year... its growing like crazy and whats even more crazy is the ones we planted in the ground... are doing even better. All of the plants have blooms we have some little green tomatos on and i found blooms on all the squash, peppers and even one on one of the cucumber plants... I am so excited to see what they do...

its a cool... 95 degrees out there at 6 pm... GAH we are already short on rain this year... and of course watering everyday....

and the big news of the weekend!
Bradley Pee'd on the potty!!!!!!! GO BRADLEY!

Thursday...

2011-05-20T22:42:00.000-04:00

Becca (my daughter of another mother) brought Malorie (her niece that she and her mom are raising)

came to play and visit Bradley and I .

Becca has gone to school with Martha Jean since elementary school and they have been best buddies ...
Malorie is 9 months old... she is a baby doll... its hard to believe that this little jewel had a stroke when she was born and had a hole in her heart and some other health issues...

Bradley is not the best at sharing toys... he is so sweet about taking them however... cause he gives kisses and a pat on the head then snatches and runs....

Mal loved the worm... she giggled and laughed

then Becca got on and we laughed... and laughed some more...

Bradley laughed too... because we were laughing .... and we all know he can not be left out of the laugh fest.

then he had to have a turn on the worm... Mal was trying to figure out how he gets around so fast... she does not know it but shes a very fast crawler and soon will take off walking too...

Bradley was a bit jealous for a second when mommy picked Mal up... so he climbed up and gave Mal a kiss... my darn camera is too slow to catch him often. He is really missing Halo he searches for her several times a day... it makes me cry....GAH.

Cory... cheesed for me...

Cory was pulling faces and blowing to make Malorie laugh... she was not positive about this BIG wild child in the floor rolling around playing with Bradley... they get a bit rough...and LOUD!

then Bradley got some piggy rides ... he says MOE MOE MOE MOE... of course meaning more more more LOL

it is interesting ... that my kids friends still come to see us... and spend the day playing ... and make plans to come back soon....yet we are the worst parents on the planet... according to... OK I stop.... GAH

Speaking of... The school counselor called em this morning said Martha was at school taking a make up test (the last day of school was Thursday) and at 1 pm was graduation practice... we did not know until 1:19 that Martha had passed the test and would be graduating... the counselor called me crying... Martha has no clue how much effort has been put in to her graduating by others...but hopefully SOMEDAY...

I am of mixed emotions... it is very bittersweet... I have been doing everything I could to help her to reach this goal... only to be shut out in the last week...and even when trying to tell her how glad I am and congratulate her I ended up with 7 texts all about how she won't get this that and the other like her cousins and brother... she has no clue the work and time that went into planning their graduation parties...and no clue how wrong she is on some other things she threw up at me trying to make me feel badly... it did not work it just made me sad to see how immature she still is... BUT, I am so glad, grateful, happy, proud that she is getting that piece of paper that means so much in the world ... even though it is getting harder and harder to get a job even with it... it is the one chance and hope that one day when she needs it it is there!!!!

anyway pray all goes well at the graduation as Schlena and Becca and Mal and Iare going... and we don't want any drama with the sperm donor... it would be so shameful....
Happy weekend to you all...God Bless.

When I am in pain I ....

2011-05-18T22:44:00.000-04:00

Clean... I watch the show hoarders and get physically ill at the horror...I guess in some ways I am totally opposite. I throw things out. and, please dont get me wrong I have STUFF that I have had since I was a child and some of it I simply can not get rid of... and my house is FAR FAR from Immaculate in fact it stays a dusty mess very lived in and even when I do clean with in a day it is dusty again... ode to the perils of living on a dirt road.

But several times a year I deep clean EVERYTHING... Each item has to be dusted washed emptied moved around inspected and cleaned thats inside cabinets outside walls doors floors cracks crevaces valances washed everything inventoried ect... its obsessive in some ways and it takes at least a week to get it all done.

Usually I start in my room but today the kitchen got it.

I would imagine that we are probably one of the only crazy families with TWO coffee pots that are used each day.

we make no less than three pots of coffee a day. Michaels Big pot is made each morning, then I make my little pot, and in the evening another big pot full.

Bradley wanted to help me while I was washing down the fridge and freezer so I finally put him on the counter because working and holding him just does not work.

Needless to say he pitched a fit when I made him get down, but he got side tracked a bit later...

When ever he is quiet of course he is up to something... we have been starting potty training...and he has discovered little Bradley... and like his daddy before him... he has alot to learn about AIM.

But HE is so DARN CUTE about it all that it is impossible to get upset.

yeah I know someday when he is a teen and discovers my blog... I will be in BIG TROUBLE! lol

But when you have such awesome subject matter ... what can you do???

and like all MALES in this family he has to work on EVERYTHING and try to figure out how it works...
I was hunting the camera when he had it upside down and was "working" on the bubble mower.

He kept working on it for quite some time....and it still does not work.

I wish I had the camera out when it was nap time... he came to me with his pillow pet my blankie and his cuppie saying "night night" then trotted off to my room to get in my bed and nap.

I bought this wall hanging years ago on one of my trips to Hannibal, I love it...

My cookbook collection is growing...and Michael said when it covers the entire counter then I have to stop LOL... HA HA we shall see....it is over half full now.

I had to giggle and realise that I have allowed one MOUSE in my house.... if you look at the bottom of the red heart the push pin is a yellow mouse :)

well 1/4th of the great room is done ... Bradley and I will tackle more tomorrow... and We know we have alot more to get done!
Have a great day, till we meet again God bless you.